Thursday, May 13, 2010

Zumba and the Resurrection

I'm writing this from the other side of the veil.
I think.
Because I'm pretty sure I died last night
after my body realized
what the heck I did to it
in the Zumba! class.

I showed up early,
met the teacher
and confessed that I have
two left feet...
"No problem!, she smiled,
just keep moving even when you don't know the steps."

I tried to act like I "belonged" in that class--
that I'm not pushing 49 years old
and that
I know how to
belly dance like the rest of 'em.

"Ahh, just like aerobics class I went to in
I can do this."
I lied to myself.

The class had maybe 25 gals in it--
I wasn't the oldest--
I happened to be right behind
a cute little thang
who knew every move
every step
every turn
every arm movement
so I followed her
as best as I could...
for the first 20 minutes---
I was

About that time,
my ears sent a message to my brain
that I could hear my heartbeat in it...
and all that time I thought it was just
the bass in the latin beat ringing in my ears.
Okay, Okay
I told my brain,
I'll go get some water.

Fifteen minutes later,
I am a shell of my former
my feet are moving
tho my arms are limp noodles
I'm sweating
but full-on -WWF-style
This was great news to my brain
Cause it meant I was
actually burning the blubber off my
big bahooey!

Only one prob with that realization--
grey sweats...
I wore grey sweats.
Not black,
like every other
Zumba-er in the room.
Don't wear grey sweats when you're
forty-nine years old
sweating like a WWF wrestler.
It's not attractive.
IN fact,
don't wear grey sweats--
I looked like a dancing elephant
doing the cha-cha.

My fatigue drove me to do
something I told myself 
I wouldn't do--
look at the clock.
To my utter amazement and glorious delight
there was only 20 minutes left!
Twenty minutes!
I could salsa for twenty more minutes--
even though it looked like I was barely moving,
in my mind
I was shakin' what my Momma gave me
all over the place!

I stopped trying to memorize the steps
and just moved with the music,
and I started looking around the room
at the other women--
some were at the same place I was --
I smiled at the old hens like me
and they gave that knowing smile back to me--
the one that says,
I know you.
You're Me.
We're doin' good just to be here!
We used to come to Aerobics when our kids were
small and could be bribed with
chicken nuggets and fruit snacks--
and we havent' dragged our bahooey's
to the gym since the oldest started
high school
it's our turn now!

Yes, that's exactly our thoughts.

And we laughed--
at ourselves
for our Selves!
Good on us!
As the music slowed
and we did our last cool down moves,
my brain whispered
"Thank you."
Then my heart chimed in,
"Thank you."
Ahhh, I needed this...


My first sign that I was dying
showed up
about 5 minutes later
when I was walking with Mr W
and the yahoos to the car...
it started off like the sound of a
"Who",  as in "Horton Hears a Who"--
I wasn't sure where the noise was coming from
but it was getting louder.

By the time we got home,
and it was time to ya know, get out of the car,
the noise was getting louder...
something about
"pain" --
though I couldn't be 100% certain.

I lay down in bed
ready for the healing that sleep brings
and that must've been when it happened...
my body overpowered my brain
in a massive-revolutionary-style protest
every muscles, tendon,
and hair follicle
collapsed into a heap of pain--
and that's when I crossed over to the other side.

My hope for a resurrected body couldn't be more
important to me than it is right now--
because there's another class on


  1. Well you go gurl!!!!
    You should try and take a video of you doing the Zumba. I would love to see what the veil looks like.

  2. Ya know Momza, I think the fact that you even went is credit to your stamina....and the fact that you lasted to the end makes you my Hero!!! It actually looks really watch!
    Keep it up and we will soon see you on DWTS.


  3. My husband just started a workout program with a fellow post army guy. They are whipping each other into shape big time. This morning, his description of how he felt is very similar to what you've described! Good for you for doing it... it looks so fun.

  4. Oh I had to laugh at this one. I am so proud of you for living to tell us about this experience. And thanks for the tip about gray sweats, I hadn't really thought about looking like and elephant in them. Mine are going in the garbage, I wouldn't want to subject anyone within sight distance to that ever again.

  5. Shall I now call you Dumbo, instead of Eyore...?? Just askin..... NAN

  6. Oops. Make that..."This is not encouraging me, Dawn." (One day, I will learn to read my comment over before pressing "post.")

    Yeah, right...


  7. This should be on MMB!! ;)

    Best post I've read in a month!!!

  8. man... that sounds great??? I'm still wanting to know if they have a beginner class. but for now I'll just listen to you write about the fabulous class! YOU GO GIRL

  9. You are now official Zumbalicious! Enjoy...

  10. I LOVE ZUMBA! While I can't afford to join the gym that has the class I fell in love with, my lovely husband, as you may recall, bought me the official DVD set. As I type, I'm preparing to pick up some toys and get my workout on right here at home.


  11. Okay, I am laughing. I went running on Tuesday (for the 1st time in 15 years), threw my back out playing wii fit Wednesday, and attempted to run this morning. So ... I can relate all too well.

  12. Oh my!! Things have come a long way since the 1990 aerobics classes and working out to Physical!

  13. I read it to my family. Too funny! Even funnier because I just talked Sheridan into going to a Zumba class with me and Karen and Hayley Howard are coming to try it with us! I don't think I will let them read your poast because they may not go!

  14. I am so proud of you! I started a class similar to Zumba a couple of weeks ago and let me tell think you felt awkward. I was the youngest one in there (I'm 31) and I was the only one not of spanish decent. Most of the women were about 5ft in height over the age of 50 and kickin' my lil' white butt when it came to doing all those dance moves. I tell ya, I had the time of my life though. And oh the's worth it though.:)

  15. Way to go, I couldn't do it, I won't do it. I should, I need to, but can't stand the pain. I hope Saturday's class went better (if you made it) :-)

  16. @Christi: Thanks for stopping by! I didn't make it Saturday morning--our Stake had a Dance Festival and I had commitments there. But! I'll let you know how I do this week!
    @Katy B.: I'd pay money to see a video of your gym experience! lol
    @Lorna: let me know how it goes, k?
    @Liz: I'd love the dvd's so I could learn the steps at home, ya know?
    @Charlotte: Way to BE!!! Keep going! I like knowing I'm not the only one suffering!
    @sarah: brave or insane...jury is still out.
    @Gililan..I need that on a shirt: Zumbalicious!
    @lisalulu: There is no beginners class...u just jump in and start movin'!
    @heather: I linked on FAV Posts...thanks!
    @Sue: Bawk, Bawk!!
    @Connie: Grey suits= unattractive. lol
    @RBS: THanks Roxanne...When I end up on DWTS, I'll give you a special shout out!
    @MommyJ: Hey, we gotta start somewhere, right?
    @Egan: I already thought about bringin my camera...haha


Have a Thought? Share It!