Dear MTV: My Super Sweet Sixteen : An Open Letter

Dear Rich Parents of the newly-turned-sixteen-year-olds
featured on "MTV's" My Super Sweet Sixteen",

[Ahem]
One, you suck.

I have a soon-to-be-sixteen-year-old daughter
whom we shall call "Daisie".
Daisie loves to watch that show--
you know the one where you bazillionaire parents
fork over obscene amounts of money
to your teenagers
to mark their big "Sweet Sixteen" birthday.

I've even sat in on a couple of episodes
just to see what the deal is,
and frankly,
it was breath-taking.
As in,
I couldn't breathe as the dollar signs
add up on screen
along with the limosines,
sparkly venues,
humoungous Cinderella dresses
blinding blingy tiaras
and throngs of high schoolers
all come together
for one night of celebration
for a young person
who is approaching adulthood.

Daisie is turning sixteen
in April
and this past week,
as I was eating a ham and cheese samich,
she handed me
a 6-page party plan
of her own "Super Sweet Sixteen."
I am not kidding.
Six pages.

The theme: Masquerade Ball.
Dress: Formal.
The venue: TBD, preferably at a smashing local hotel.
With a Live Band or a Professional DJ.
Fifty Guests.
Now, just when I was about to cough up my samich,
I got to the bottom of one sheet
where she wrote out
Food: Pizza and Pop.

At least she was budget-conscious
when it came to the food.

Her older sister, Nana was at the table too,
and said, as only an older sister can say,
without causing permanent damage:
"Are you nuts?! One, we don't have that kind of money!
Did you not get the memo that Dad's car just died?
Do you have any idea how much money a party like that would cost?
For ONE night?!
And, no teenager is going to go all out for a tux or a formal for a birthday party
around here.  Do you even have fifty friends?
Have you ever been to a birthday party where teenagers danced?
Seriously Day."--and other sisterly mutterings.


Trying not to be the Crusher of Dreams,
I hushed Nana off her high horse,
and said,
"Let's compromise, Daisie. Tell me what you really wanna do for your birthday,
that doesn't involve thousands of dollars and we'll see what we can come up with together."

Scowling.
Eyes rolling.
Grimace, Grimace.

Do you see what you've created,
you rich, indulgent parents??

How could my teenager
ever be excited about a homemade cake with sprinkles on it,
and a few of her best buddies to share it with--
after seeing your children paraded around on stages,
carried in on platforms,
dropped out of airplanes,
riding up in carraiges or limos
to crowds of more than 500 of their peers,
some of whom exclaim on screen:
"I don't really know her (the birthday girl), but this is the party of the century!"

The truth is, rich parents,
I wonder what kind of people you are,
that you feel all that indulgence is healthy for a child
in the first place?
I get that 16's a big milestone...
that's when the real trouble begins around here--
car keys and dating in one fell swoop is insanity--
and should be celebrated while we can, right?

And one more thing:
how do you top a Super Sweet Sixteen the next year?
Inquiring minds wanna know.
Because once you've been to the top of the mountain,
where's the next thrill to be found?
Isn't it interesting that MTV doesn't have a show called
"My Super Sweet Seventeen"?

What's the goal here for your kids anyway?
What're you teaching them?
Inquiring minds wanna know.
Perhaps MTV could produce a show called
"The Fall-Out of a Super Sweet 16"
and have it focus on what proceeds the days and weeks
following the big bash.
I'd be willing to bet,
it ain't "Super Sweet" at all.

Looking forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Momza