As everyone who knows me knows,
we're trying to place our special-needs son, Dean
into a new host home.
A host home is exactly as it sounds--
providers host a special-needs client
with room and board
and facilitate the client's activities in the community.
I think of it like an exceptional Foster Home.
Dean has been living out of our home since he turned twenty,
in 2005.
He'd lived at the same host home for 5 years until
this past September,
when the host home provider's care became less than ideal.
Simply put, she took in her ailing mother,
her husband lost his job,
a grown daughter committed suicide
and that's just the stuff I know.
Dean did well in their home,
and we appreciated all that they did to enrich his life,
but the quality of his care declined
so it was time to move him.
He's been in 2 homes since then.
And due to circumstances beyond his control,
and ours,
we're moving him again the first week of February.
To say I'm heartsick about this
is an understatement.
It's always on my mind.
I go through the day--
taking care of a house and family,
working,
church stuff
whatever else,
and if I sit for two minutes without a thought,
that one surfaces.
This past week, I interviewed two potential host home providers
here in the Springs.
I had told the agency what Dean's needs are,
and what I thought an ideal host home would be
and we went from there.
Here's what makes a Good Host Home Provider:
1.
Personal Safety.
The home needs to be a safe place. Basically child-proofed for personal safety.
The HHP gives meds appropriately and with care.
If the Rx says "with food" or "without food", it is noted and followed.
The HHP provides constant supervision both in and out of the home.
One HHP asked if it were okay to let Dean go to the Mall by himself. Seriously.
2.
Well Being.
The HHP provides a
stable environment and
respects the Client's needs on all levels.
The HHP's home is Clean.
I've been to HHP's that was so filthy
I have no idea how they even got approved to be a HHP.
I wouldn't let them take care of my hamster, let alone a child.
Non-Exploitation. One of Dean's early HHP's took Dean's personal money and lent it out.
He also said he "lost" Dean's birth certificate and Social Security card.
The Client's room should be bigger than Harry Potter's closet
.
I interviewed one Potential HHP,
and the space they'd designated for a client was just big enough to fit a twin bed inside.
No dresser.
A tiny closet.
It's as if the P-HHP thought the client was going to be a pet or a ninja with one outfit.
No "R" or "X" or "Un-cut"- rated movies allowed.
It affects Special Needs persons perhaps more than it affects anyone else.
We noticed that Dean's language had gotten really rough this last year,
and we couldn't figure out why.
Until we moved him and came across a stack of disgusting slasher movies in his possession.
I couldn't believe it.
Why would anyone who has stewardship
over a special-needs person,
known to have the mental capacity of a 3-8 year old child,
think that exposing them to that kind of media would be a good/healthy thing??
We tossed all of them out, and replaced them with "Spider Man", "Harry Potter", "Superman", "Scooby-Doo" and other Disney-like appropriate movies for a young person.
The HHP Provides proper nutrition. One of Dean's early HHP's took him to the store and let Dean choose whatever food he wanted. Imagine my surprise when I found a 10 pound bag of jelly beans in Dean's room on a visit! Uh, no. Not appropriate.
At Dean's longest HHP, one of the signs that Dean's care declined
was the lunch he carried to his day program--
he was arriving with rotten fruits and vegetables.
Thank goodness that the program's mentors noticed and reported it,
otherwise we would've never known.
3. Hygiene.
Ever go to the Mall and see special-needs people with their caregivers?
What tells you that client is well-cared for or not?
Their outward appearance.
I'm particularly sensitive to this...
I look to see if the client's hair is clean and trim,
their nails are also clean and trimmed,
and if male, they are clean-shaven,
teeth are brushed,
ears are clean,
shoes fit and are clean,
laces are tied;
pants fit well--not baggy or too short or too long.
A belt is used if needed, no holes or stains.
Zipper is zipped.
I notice if the woman's hair is at all styled,
whether in a ponytail or short style--
it doesn't matter--
you can tell if their hair has been brushed that day or not, right?
In short, the client blends into the crowd,
except for their sometimes obvious handicap--
like a walker, wheelchair,
slow or peculiar gait
or the look on their faces.
They otherwise look like everyone else
in their dress and appearance.
Except for those on the fringe of fashion--
that dress like it's Halloween everyday,
and pants down to their knees that cause them to walk like they're a cowboy.
I also notice if the caregiver is engaged with the Client.
Are they talking or smiling at each other?
Is the caregiver several steps ahead of the Client,
who is tagging along way behind?
I'm looking at all of that.
We buy Dean's clothing, and replace the old and worn with new.
I shop for Dean as often as I shop for the other children.
He loves new shoes or "footwear" as he calls it. lol
He has shown up at our house with clothing that wasn't his,
even women's jeans that were inches too short for him.
Shoes that didn't fit, Shirts that were holey, stained, too small, too big, etc.
And we all wonder:
"Who let him leave like that?"
I spent all of Dean's childhood making sure
he presented himself well to the world
so that he would be treated well.
And out in public,
it is evident
that Dean is WITH us.
I expect that HHP's will continue to show the respect.
4. Communication.
The HHP needs to have excellent communication skills--
with both the Agencies and those who are personally involved with the Client--his family.
Let us know if there are problems or challenges regarding Dean.
We know him best and can help.
And when we call, please answer the phone or return calls ASAP.
The breakdown in communication was a HUGE factor
in removing Dean from the longest HHP.
She simply stopped answering the phone or returning calls
or answering emails.
That is unacceptable.
5. Facilitate.
HHP's need to provide stimulation and opportunities for the Client to learn and experience life, as their abilities allow.
Dean isn't a piece of furniture or a new pet.
Don't assume he's going to want to sit in his room alone
all day long and watch TV or play video games.
Some Clients want to be alone in their own space
and some want and need more interaction than that.
Dean has interests and abilities that
when explored and nurtured,
give him great self-esteem and happiness.
He's participated in Special Olympics since he was little and able,
also in community events like the Loveland Special Orchestra--
where he played a violin and loved it!
Sure he sounded like chalk on a blackboard--
but his smile was a mile wide and
he even gave an Encore to the audience!
He was also in the Loveland Ballet Company Special Community production of
"The Nutcracker"
and loved it so much he took extra bows at the end,
with his white Santa wig half-on, half-off his noggin,
and again with the mile-wide smile.
He's also been in the Festival of Corn Parade,
where he walked along and tossed candy to children and
even took a moment to personally come over to greet his family!
The boy loves an audience!
A Good HHP gets the client involved in the community.
Makes those phone calls and connections
so that the Client has access to whatever his/her abilities allow.
5. Patience and Expectations.
A Good HHP has realistic expectations of the Client
and knows their limits clearly,
without imposing more limits on them.
Dean needs Consistency, Structure, and Acceptance.
Chances are, he may not value the same things in the same way you do.
He won't care how expensive your home or your car or your clothes are
or what they mean to you.
He won't care what religion you are...
one home he was in briefly, was an Evangelist home--
where the HHP thought that placing her hands over his head every morning
while he sat in a chair listening to Joyce Meyers
and drinking a cup of coffee
(he'd never had coffee in his life!
and yes, they knew we're LDS,
so I'm guessing she was trying to pray that outta him.),
would help him not wet the bed and sleep longer--(coffee is a diuretic! sheesh!).
Nevermind that was the first week of his life
away from his home in a host home,
and he missed us severely.
She would say her chants/prayers over him,
practicing her own form of faith,
and it didn't phase him. He was there 4 weeks.
His longest HHP (the 5yr one), was a Catholic.
He can do the head-chest-shoulder-to-shoulder thing
when he prays,
because the HHP did that and hey! that was fine.
Dean is not a respecter of persons or faith or money.
He was also briefly in a home (the 2nd placement)
where the HHP spent alot of money on Dean's bedding and linens.
Somehow, she expected that to mean something to him.
When it did not--he still left the towels on the floor--
she took that to mean he didn't respect her or her things.
Yeah, he was there for 2 weeks.
Nice people, unrealistic expectations.
This is also the HHP that thought taking Dean to their local swimming pool for 15 minutes,
once in two weeks accounted for "exercise".
Dean was used to exercising nearly everyday
at the YMCA near our house.
The HHP Dean had this past October was upset
because on Halloween night,
as Dean passed out candy to the trick or treaters,
their dog got out and Dean didn't tell anyone.
A neighbor brought the dog back.
"He didn't even tell us."
He also made note that Dean's self-care had gone down,
and wrote, "He acts like he's three years old."
To which, I responded:
"That is a known. Dean's mental-cognitive ability is around 3 years old."
and I have to say that while I didn't write "DUH" in there,
it was implied.
So, Patience and Realistic Expectations.
Read the Client Profile that comes with my child.
Read it cover to cover.
I have written pages and pages of information in there just for you, HHP.
How Dean grew up, what he was taught, etc., as well as his other caregivers input.
That's invaluable.
Like an Owner's Manual, if you will.
Read it so there aren't surprises....like your dog getting out
and that Dean doesn't feel the slightest responsibility for it.
The more you give to Dean, you will see it returned in ways you may not recognize right off, but if you pay attention and learn what to look for, you'll be very rewarded for your efforts. He is happy, funny, loving, helpful, self-less, generous and just plain Good.
What Makes a Good Great Host Home Provider?
Heart. Commitment. Active Participation in the Process.
We love our Dean. We want what's best for him to have a fulfilling, exciting life while he's here to enjoy it.
It's a hugely emotional responsibility to choose a proper HHP for him. We need to trust that all of his needs will be met; that he will not be exploited, that he will be safely and respectfully cared for...and sometimes we wonder if that's too much to ask. But oh how my mother-heart leaps when I see others willing to help me care for my boy until I can provide the best home for him, in time. I can't thank them enough.
If someone reading this would like more information about HHP's and/or our experiences, you may leave a comment here with your email address or email me directly.
