Dear Me, A Love Letter to Myself

Dear Me:
I haven't see your twenty year old Self
in twenty-eight years...
There's some things I'd like to tell you
if I could.

First,
You're not Fat.
I know you wrote in your journals every year
that you were seriously overweight.
You weren't.
You were too hard on yourself.
You were lovely.

Look at that soft tanned skin
and bright smile...
you were getting ready for your
Bridal Shower
that June day
in Houston.

You'll love being married.
You'll learn how to cook
more than spaghetti
and mac n cheese
eventually,
and the smoke alarm
will be the dinner bell for a few years
but that's okay.

You're going to have a huge family!
Bigger than you ever imagined!
And the first three children
are going to give you
many moments and hours and days
of joy and happiness...
and almost equally the same
amount of moments and hours and days
of self-doubt, frustration, and worry.
But, you're gonna be fine.
No permanent damage is done to any of them
by eating Mc Donald's Happy Meals 3 times a week.
They're fine, just fine.

The oldest
is going to teach you how
to get dressed in 20 minutes
with make-up.
He's also going to teach you
not to leave money sitting around--
watch out for that one morning
when he throws four twenty-dollar bills
off the balcony
thru the glass-sliding door.
Oh and don't even waste that hour
outside looking for it
on Shaw Butte Mountain
in Phoenix.
Somebody else surely thought
God had answered their prayers that day.

The second child,
your first daughter is going to teach you
that every child is different
and don't compare them.
She is also going to teach you
that each child needs to be respected
in their own right--
and she's going to show that to you when
she is 3 1/2 years old at Easter.
You're going to go all over north Phoenix
looking for the right easter dress for her--
and she is going to reject every single dress
you show her...
but when you stand back and let her choose
she will positively glow
in a little pastel floral dress
with a white lace collar
dropped waist
and pink ribbon.

The third child
is going to come along
before the first child
is two years old.
I know.
I know.
But this one is going to
teach you how to pray
morning
noon
and night.
His special needs
will bring you to the
arms of Heavenly Father.
You will learn to listen
with more than your ears.
He will change
your very core.
And that humility will
refine you in ways
nothing else can.

The first three,
prepare you for the ones
that follow.
And tho you may consider
taking up drinking,
you won't need to...

There are some things I wanna warn you about:

That perm you're thinking of getting:
don't do it--
you're going to look like a poodle (!)
and it's going to take a long time to grow out.

That Loving Care Medium Ash Brown hair-dye
for $2.79
is going to turn your hair
Elvis Presley blue-black
and still cost you ninety dollars
to fix.
Don't do that either.

Michael Jackson is going to be a superstar--
and that
Thriller album you just bought
is going to be a history maker,
so save it.

Donny Osmond is not gone forever--
he's going to be a game show host.
I know.  But he ages well.
And his marriage lasts,
so
you were right to give up on him.

That Classic 1972 Malibu
that you love so much--
even with the broken a/c
is going to be traded in for a
gross Ford Country Squire station wagon.
In Missouri.
That's right,
you're not staying in Houston, little girl--
you're going to move around
ALOT...
but the good news is that you're going to get
to live where you've wanted to live
since you were seventeen:
Colorado Springs.
It's just gonna take some time
to get there.
In the meantime,
you'll leave Houston
for Independence, Missouri
then onto Phoenix
and South Carolina
back to Phoenix
and THEN back to Colorado.
That's only gonna take 16 years,
and a divorce.
And that's gonna hurt,
but you're gonna heal just fine
and the world will feel right again,
I promise.


Oh!-- and when you watch
"Phil Donahue" one morning in 1982,
he's gonna be talking about
a new invention
"The Personal Computer"--
don't balk at it,
go out and buy as many stocks as you can
in a tiny little company called
Apple.

Tole painting will go the way of the dinosaur--
so all those white ducks with country blue dots
that you're about to learn how to paint--
yeah, enjoy it thru the 80's and then toss 'em out.
Or just learn how to use a personal computer.

Neon socks, peasant tops, bell bottoms,
leg warmers, and jogging suits all make a huge
comeback in 2008--but don't save yours
because you're gonna have a big bahooey by then
after seven,
yes,
Seven
yahoos.


There's alot more,
but let's leave some surprises
along the way.

I just want you to know
that you're going to be okay.
Many wonderful blessings will come to you--
your life will be exciting and joyful.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
You eventually figure things out
and it's all gonna be okay.

Smile at yourself more
when you look in the mirror.
You are beautiful.