Wordful Wednesday: Affection for Others

I appreciate "Chocolate on the Cranium's" prompt today,

"Affection for Others".

However, I am going to take a different spin on it, and share how I feel affection from others. You've probably heard of the Love Languages book series, right? I have found it to be very relevant and helpful in my life, and here's why:





I love my kids. And when they show their love for me, that is when I feel successful as a parent.

My love language is Service.

Last weekend, Daisie was having a moment where she wanted alot of attention. She's 13, and those "moments" have been more often lately. So when I can, I sit down and give her my full-on attention. She started out accusing me of not doing enough for her. I listened quietly, letting her get it all out. Mainly, she was upset that all of her weekend plans had fallen through. She wasn't mad at me, she was dissappointed that her friends are every bit 13 years old as she is--un-organized, un-wealthy, un-independent from their parents. But she was venting, so I listened. When she finally took a breath, her 18 yo sister, who'd been listening too, spoke up:


"SO, Daise--when was the last time you did anything for Mom?"


"Huh?" replied Daisie, "well, I cleaned my room last week, AND I did the dishes!"


Nana: "That doesn't count. That's not for Mom. We all do that stuff. What have you done for Mom that's just for her, that she didn't ask you to do?"


Daisie, with a confused look:" I dunno. She nevers asks...but I always say 'thanks'."


Nana: "Yeah. She's not going to ask. And if you know Mom at all, actions speak louder than words. 'Thanks' don't mean crap to mom." (gee, thanks Nana, that's kinda harsh)





The conversation ended well, without my having to say alot. Nana, my new attorney handled it for me.


I used an example of service from last week;"Remember when you called me from school and you'd forgotten your math book at home? What IF, when you called I'd said, "Ok, thanks for calling."-- and hung up? How would you feel? [she shrugged her shoulders as if to say, 'you would never do that!'] But-- I stopped what I was doing and took your book to you. I did so because that's how I show my love to you." And I used a few other recent examples which were plain enough that she could see her initial accusation wasn't valid.


The light went on in her noggin. By the end, Daisie was softer, realizing it wasn't me she was mad at, she was just really bored and wanted me to fix her boredom, which wasn't my responsibility.


(dontcha love teenagers?no wonder I'm looney!)





Nana has learned my "love language" is Service. Words are fleeting to me. Gifts are something you set aside,mostly. Hugs are great--but Service is where it's at for me.





That's how I show love and how I best receive it. So, to really drive the point home with Daisie--AND to help her in these rotten teenage years--I started quietly doing more for her. Just small things: making her bed, helping with her laundry (my kids do their own at age 10), curling her hair, painting her toenails, listening to her middle school "drama", talking about her personal progress, and just yesterday we all went to watch her audition for the Spring play--even though it was a closed audition--we waited in the hallway for her to come out. She was grateful and I was glad to be there for her. I'm not doing this stuff every day...just one thing a day really. Daisie's "love language" at this point in her life is "GIFTS"--she loves getting stuff..so I have also picked up little things from the store like nail polish, and gum, little markers, and laid them on her bed for her.





In fact, all of my kids have different love languages, so-to-speak, and that requires some conscious attempts on my part to meet them where they are...David Scott is words and gifts,


Dani is words and service, Nana is definitely hugs and words, Boofus, at this point is hugs and gifts, as well as the Caboose. So as a Mom, I get to learn how to speak all those languages and equally try to teach them the language that I respond to best. And their languages are still evolving, so I gotta keep on my toes! It is sometimes challenging, cuz more often than not, I try to show my love to them in the same way I recieve it--which doesn't always work. But, when I remember the ultimate goal here--to show my family love in ways they need to feel it--I do much better.

What about you? What is your "love language"?

*Note: After I posted this, I realized when I wrote "words" what I should've written was "time". just f-y-i.