The Learning Season: Parenting New Drivers

You have brains in your head.

 You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

You're on your own.

And you know what you know.

You are the guy who'll decide where to go. ~Dr. Seuss

 

New Driver Season:
First, she got her car.
Then, she got her license.
Five days ago.
FIVE.

Past experiences have taught me
that once you give a teenager car keys
they will go
MIA
from that time forward,
only to show up at random times--
when they need money
or when they're sick.
But not much more than that--
A wave of a hand,
a shout of, "I'm leaving! I'm off! Don't wait up for me!"--
and they are gone.

They've got
things to do
people to see
places to go,
dontcha know?!

Gearing up for this,
I spent countless moments
talking
talking
talking
to Nana about the responsibilities of driving
that aren't in the Driver's Manual:
*Stick close to our area for awhile, before driving all over town in areas you're unfamiliar with.
*Don't drive at night just yet.
*Don't offer rides to others (friends) for at least a month.
*Be patient with yourself as you learn this new skill of driving...it takes alot of time behind the wheel to really become a safe, smart driver.
*Let me know where you're going and when I can expect you home, so I know where to start looking for you in case something happens to you.

I wrote this stuff down.
I reveiwed it with her.
All the while, her nineteen year old head is
nodding
nodding
nodding
and her eyes are
rolling
rolling
rolling.

Understanding Which Season You're In Season:

Last night, after another round of
"please be careful"--
she left the house
said she was headed somewhere
close to home,
"Maggie Moos"
to meet up with friends.
She would be home in an hour and a half.

Just about the time she should've been home,
the phone rings--
it's her number.
The first words outta her mouth are,
"Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse-" (referring to our discussion before she left),

Mr. Wonderful and I slip on our shoes,
grab our coats
and head to the scene...
which is NOT where she said she was going to be,
NOT in our area at all,
and found her with her friends
all standing around her new car
with a broken rim, wheel, and popped tire,
from her attempt to avoid an accident by driving into a ditch,
she says.

At first,
I am just thankful she is okay.
Then,
I am so frustrated with this situation,
I could pop.

She dismissed her friends
while Mr. W changed the tire.
He tells her to wait in the truck
because the brainiac girl she is,
is wearing a skirt
and a cold front is blowing hard--
it's freezing cold outside.
Without a word
 the usually vocal
"I-can-handle-anything-girl",
gets in the truck, turns on the heat
and snacks on her words.

Once Mr. W is done,
he says he'll drive the car home
with the doughnut tire
to be safe.
I am amazed at how calm he is--
he's not ranting or raving--
it's like he's totally accepted the situation
and his behavior is model.
(*later he confesses it was nice to see me lose my cool and he got to be the "good parent". I smacked him.)
Nana hands over her keys.
She is hating this moment.
It shows all over her face.
You know that feeling, right?
I certainly do.

Letting Them Realize Their Own Mistakes Season:

So, I follow Mr. W home
and at first, I don't know what to say--
I'd already yelled all the way to the scene
with my "I TOLD HER SOs"--
and my
"WHY DIDN'T SHE LISTENs?"
But in the truck
I am quiet...
Where to start?
"Did it scare you?" I ask.
She says "Heck yeah!"
"I'm sure it did."

"How much is this gonna cost?" she wonders. 
"Well, David Scott did almost the same thing to his car, and it was about $1800.00, but yours doesn't seem to be so bad."
"Whew."
She tells her story of why she was where she was--following her new friends from Institute, she didn't know exactly where they were going. And then the other car that forced her off the road.
I listen intently. She is telling the truth.
But her inexperience is obvious.  Her abilities are not realistic with her expectations.  She is still a new driver.
I wish I could say my "I-told-you-sos"
didn't come out,
but they did.
Not in those words,
but they did...
I wasn't angry.
Anger solves nothing.
Concerned, yes.  I'm kinda relieved that her car is outta commission until she can afford two new tires, wheels and rims.  I'm okay with that. She needs the TIME to get some perspective of her limits...and you can't do that when you're flying down the road in a little red convertible.

Once home,
Nana hurries to the house...trying to salvage any pride she might have left,
and discovers the house is locked and has to wait for the key.
Which is good,
because then she gets close enough to Mr. W
that he holds out his arms wrapping her inside.
"You're gonna be okay. It's not bad. Just need to get some tires--probably call the junk yard and get 'em cheap." 
She welcomes the release of anxiety.
And off to bed she goes.

Letting Go Season:

I love this girl. so much. so so much.
And I get why she is in the season of life that she is in--

that
"I-Am-My-Own-Person" season...and it's critical stage. I know this.
If she didn't have this confidence to boldly jump out of the nest,
she might never leave
and that's NOT what I want.
So here I am
between a rock and a hard place--
to kick  my love out of the nest
but offer a parachute for a soft landing
is where I'm at...
But where I really wanna be at,
is on the ground to catch her in my love.
This is the moment I hold my breath
and watch her start juggling life.