I found some jam in the cupboard
that hadn't been opened--
Blackberry.
Upon seeing the jam,
I thought,
Mmmmm....let's get the oat bread out.
Then,
I saw the potato bread that I buy for the yahoos.
And I thought,
Mmmmm....potato bread is so yummy;
it makes really good
french toast.
French toast...mmmmm....now that sounds really good.
So I got out the potato bread,
the eggs, cinnamon and milk--
turned on the stove,
and proceeded to make myself
french toast.
I checked the bread to make sure there's no
high fructose corn syrup in it.
cuz that's not healthy, right?
There's none.
Whew! I thought.
Then, I cooked.
And smothered Smart Balance butter on it
and Mrs. Butterworth's syrup too.
And thought about chasing it all
with a cold glass o' milk,
but instead grabbed a Coke.
But hey! there's no high fructose corn syrup in the bread.
Cuz, that would be unhealthy.
*****
Other confessions:
It's 3pm and I'm still wearing my pj top
and sweatpants.
I've gone nowhere today.
The news says we're to brace for our first big snowstorm today.
So that's what I'm doing: bracing for it.
And you can't brace when you're moving.
Ya gotta sit still.
Which I am as equally proud as I am ashamed to admit,
that aside from some housework,
like laundry and cleaning the Boofus' bedroom up,
I've, well, I've been bracing all day.
Speaking of the Boofus' bedroom--
I'm not a gambler, but if I were,
I'd bet that he'll be featured one day on the show
"Hoarders: Buried Alive!"
Not today though,
because today it's cleaned.
But once he's grown up, it'll be a whole 'nother story.
****
And now for the other segment of
"It Sounded Funnier In My Head"--
you may or may not have seen a blog post titled,
"Match.com Applicant" on your feed earlier.
It featured women from the mursi tribes
with plates in their lips.
I came across the pics on Bing,
thought they were hilarious,
and sorta ran with the idea of what they might say
if they were, in fact, applying on Match.com.
That is, until some Anonymous person
cussed me up one side and down the other
for being racist.
Which truly astounded me. I laughed, shook my noggin,
took it down,
and then Googled "unusual people"
whereupon I found really scary things before I clicked that page off.
So, yeah, it was funnier in my head, apparently.
As I told my Nana, the commenter was "not my target audience".
Truth is, I love unusual people.
It's a Small World is my favorite ride at Disneyland.
What more can I say?
Oh yeah, if I've offended anyone with a daft moment of civility,
I apologize.
I tried Googling:
Red-Headed Hillbilly Eating Corn Thru a Tennis Racket
but this is all I got:
that's right
nuthin.
But, hey, wouldn't it have been hilarious, Anonymous Cussin' Person?
Okay, so I'm done.
*****
At dinner last night,
The Boofdog announces he's suddenly not hungry
when he sees that I'm using whole wheat spaghetti noodles.
"Why do ya gotta use that organic stuff?
What kinda mom are you--trying to make us eat healthy junk?"
I explained that organic simply means there's no pesticides
used to grow the vegetables.
I asked him,
"What's your favorite kinda food these days?"
"Hamburgers and meatloaf."
Nana had to turn her head away from him,
to keep from laughing in his face.
"Well at least you know what you like." I said.
Tonight we're having Chicken Tortilla Soup.
He hates that.
Maybe I should just give him some french toast
and be done with it?
Ahhhh, children.
*****
Ari has been home since Friday with a nasty cough.
She's doing better today though
and has been keeping herself occupied in my room
watching Harry Potter movies,
doing paper crafts,
and using Nana's hair remover:
a little hairy on her legs.
She's been asking if she could shave her legs
since she was in 3rd grade,
to which, I've not allowed her to do.
But
when she found this in Nana's room the other night,
I thought nothing of it.
The kid is hairless now...but I shoulda been paying attention
because she has roadrash on her legs from over-rubbing her skin.
I am not kidding.
I took the rubbing thing away from her.
Who knew?
*****
Tomorrow I have work.
I'm praying for a Snow Day.
It just started snowing.
Yesssss.
*******
I saw your match.com post and I thought it was funny! Too bad someone had to come in and be rude! :P Although I think this post is even funnier so yay for that! :)
ReplyDeletethanks for cheering me up
ReplyDeleteI love it! Been laughing through the whole thing. I don't let the girls shave either, until the day they find their older sister's razor and do it without asking. I figure by then, they are real teenagers and who am I to take away their fun. I pick my battles. Maybe I should buy one of those handy dandy road rash makers and leave it on the bathroom sink! Hope you get a snow day too. We are supposed to have snow on Thursday and I can't wait. There is just something pretty fantastic about the first snow of winter!
ReplyDeleteThat's my idea of a grand day if I'm still in my PJ top and sweat bottoms at noon. Does it get any better than that? I've been on a Harry Potter cram session trying to remember all the previous 7 books in the last week! Want to be prepared for our all night session at the big debut ;)
ReplyDeleteKristin
O Momza I'm so disappointed. I've been sick and I wanted to read your match.com post...You know, I think if anyone would pay any attention to your blog at all they would totally know that no offense was meant by the post. You have a great sense of humor and it is more than obvious that you care about others. Deeply. Anywho. Just wanted to throw my two cents in. For what it's worth.
ReplyDeleteOk so I commented earlier before I read all of your post. Cause that's how I do it. If I think it. I gotta say it. Anywho.. I've always wondered if that pink hair remover scrubber thing worked. Now I know.
ReplyDeleteThat sounded like a lot of movement for bracing! My oldest will also be on Hoarders one day. I have to brace myself for a week before tackling her room! My eight-year-old has been asking to shave her legs, too (and they are hairy!). I expect her to try it herself with her sister's razor someday and I will clean up the resulting cuts.
ReplyDeleteI am eating pop tarts and hot chocolate for breakfast, so yours is much more healthy!
I liked reading about your day of bracing because I'm sitting home today myself, coughing in my PJs.
ReplyDeleteNow at least I feel like I have a kindred spirit...
;)
It only would have been unhealthy if you would have put chocolate syrup on the french toast right?
ReplyDeleteWas that a diet coke?
Love it!
Gotta have lots of powdered sugar on my French toast--and it doesn't have any HFCS either, so it must be ok! My daughter thinks her legs are hairy too, which they are honestly, but they're fine blond hairs that you can't see unless you're 6 inches away from them. She's in middle school now, so things like that and deodorant are important. What would I give for fine blond hairs that didn't need shaving? But whatcha gonna do?
ReplyDeleteconfession: I opened this post yesterday and just got around to reading it... at two in the afternoon... I just got out of my sweats and did my hair - you can pretend it was for you :)
ReplyDeleteI love random and confession posts!! They are my favorite! Your son sounds like my husband!! I have been trying to sneak in more healthy choices and he does not like it. He eats it, but after dinner he makes himself a peanut butter sandwich to compensate. And then the next morning he will tell me he needs to start eating better! :-)
ReplyDelete