Courage in my Pocket

I want an exciting and joyful life,
just like the one promised me in a special blessing
years ago.
Those were the exact words--
"exciting and joyful".

I was just 17 years old when I received that special blessing
and in my mind,
those words conjured up images of
traveling the world,
having special recognition in some field of study
living a very BIG life
that would just come my way,
some how,
some day.

Then Life got busy
and sometimes, many times,
I resembled more a tin can hanging on the bumper of Life
being dragged along a very bumpy dirt road
and not at all feeling like my life was
exciting
nor
joyful.

Babies are joyful.
But not in the same light as stamping a passport.
There is much excitement in changing dirty diapers,
spit-up on Sunday clothes or my favorite blouse,
and being bleary-eyed at 3am.
But that kind of "excitement" is more akin
to running around looking for a public bathroom at Disneyland
for a 3-year-old,
than having a passport stamped at Gatwick.
Clearly my original, naive translations of
"exciting and joyful" were not correct.

So I had to understand what the words
would come to mean to me--
"exciting" came to mean:
change, adapting to change,
finding courage in my back pocket,
and continuing on the journey that lay at my feet--
despite the bumpy roads I would travel.
Learning how to become the woman I wanted to become--
even when small children or teenagers challenged
my stance and stamina.
Learning how to be an active advocate for my children
and myself--something that was hard to learn, but necessary,
for the very shy young woman I used to be.
(I'm still shy, but not young.)


Likewise, "Joyful" was no longer about
special recognitions or accolades--
I found joy in much much smaller things
that sometimes could only be found in
very small ways:
-a baby's smile
-listening to a child pray for the first time
-holding my breath for Dean, the very first time
he ever sat up by himself at Phoenix Children's Hospital
after two years of PT--
that was a wonderfully joyful moment for me!
-Witnessing my children's successes.
-Gathering around a temple altar where my adult children
make sacred vows to their new spouses.
-Holding my daughter's hands as she delivered her first child.

 Joy, I came to find out,
is usually a result of work and courage to try new things.

And the blessing of an "exciting and joyful life"
is a direct result of my efforts to make it so.

I do not have mulitiple homes anywhere.
I have not done anything remarkable
where my accomplishment is carved in stone somewhere.
In fact,
my life is pretty small.
I have actually travelled a little bit--
I've walked through Westminster Abbey,
sat on a bench at Edinburgh Castle overlooking the Firth of Fourth,
walked on the rolling greens meadows of Betsycowed, Wales
with ivory-colored sheep and my children in tow.
Those are great memories to be sure,
and added "exciting and joyful" moments to my life.
But counting all those days up together amounts to little more
than two months out of my whole life.
Vacations are wonderful respites from daily life,
and provide lovely memories at a distance--
but I have found that if there is to be joy and excitement
in my day,
it's up to me to look for it.

I love trying new things,
and look for new things to try.

Just this week,
I am sewing some window treatments,
that I have never sewn before,
without a pattern,
for a friend.
I was freaked out at the idea at first
but the more I looked at the project,
took measurements--
not once, not twice, but at least 6 times--
and read the instructions from the book
this pattern has come from,
well,
I said a little prayer and got busy.
Half of my interest in doing this at all
is because it was a new challenge.
And my seam ripper is a valuable tool in this process.

Another thing I am preparing to do is teach a class
on Home Staging in our ward next week.
At first,
I wondered how I could decline the invitation--
I haven't done this before.
But, with some thought and planning,
I'm looking forward to it.

I like sharing what I know--
doing so brings me joy.

And next up is going to College next Fall.
I'm 50 years old
and I've never gone to college.
I've taken just two college classes before--
American Sign Language (for Dean).
I've taken career-specific courses--
Banking classes,
Dental chairside assistant training,
Chiropractic Assistant training,
Doula training,
and Home Staging courses.
But never real college classes.
I worked alongside a husband while he attended college
to get his Doctor of Chiropractic degree.
That was 6 1/2 years.
I've been the cheerleader for my oldest children to go to college.
But it's never been my turn
until now.
I am a nervous Nelly about going to college--
it reminds me of those butterflies I used to get
when I climbed up the ladder to the high dive
at the local swimming pool as a kid.

Now, my life gets to become more interesting
joyful and exciting...
 because I have been given all I need
in order to make it so.
That's the key to happiness, I think.
Using whatever it is you've been given,
to create the life you can
and learn to live happily.

What makes your life exciting and joyful?