This Doula Has Limits

When I was contacted about being a doula
for that young mom whose husband is deployed
and is due around Thanksgiving--
I met with her;
we talked extensively about her expectations
and ideal homebirth plan
that would include her two young children.
Then just days later,
she changed her mind about a homebirth
stating simply that she didn't care for the way
the midwife interacted with her other children.

I'm guessing the midwife saw what I saw--
two very wiggly little ones with lots of energy to spare.
Even so, I agreed to be a "sibling doula" for them
so the Momma could have them at the birth.
But, the plan changed.
The new plan was to go to a birth center in Denver.
In November.
That's an hour and a half away,
with always the chance of snow during that time of the year.
I said "yes" to the New Plan...
which included me picking the whole family up and driving to the birth center
once Mama was in labor,
tending the little ones during the labor and delivery,
packing Mama and the little ones up two-three hours after the birth,
and then driving back down to the Springs,
unloading the new family at their home
and getting everyone settled in
before I would leave to come home, shower, eat, get some rest,
and then head back within 4-6 hours
to continue on with Post-partum care.

I was on board with all of that.
There was just one more thing I wanted in place--
that another person be at the house
whenever I wasn't in the first 24 hours
to keep watch over Mama and baby.
She insisted that she didn't need anyone else there
in my absence,
that she would just take it easy and all would be well.

I shared experiences where, sadly,
that supervision was not given
and tragic outcomes occurred.
She said she'd think about it n' get back to me.

She did.
She said that because of my concerns,
she was going to get a different doula who would honor her wishes
and her birth plans--
someone who would trust her instincts over their own.

And that kinda stunk on ice.
It's a mix of unfamiliar rejection
and straight-up concern for an ignorant mother.
Aside from my own births (7 of 'em),
one of which resulted in hemorraging to the point of passing out
and having to receive blood,
two hours after a birth;
and attending home births as a midwife assistant,
and attending hospital births as a doula,
I KNOW there is liablity for a caregiver/health professional
to stay with a new mother at least 24-48 hours.
It would be irresponsible to do otherwise.
Just a flat-out dangerous risk I'm unwilling to take.

It may sound like I'm complaining about being replaced
but that's not it--
my limits are
based on training and experience.
And I know that we live in a
"have-it-your-way" culture,
but reason has to trump ego sometimes
for safety.
And the saying "better safe than sorry"
was borne from necessity,
I'm sure.

Doulas are guardians, advocates, encouraging presences
passionate about the miracle of motherhood and birth.
We are partners and educators.
We have a responsibility & commitments to keep childbirth
as safe as possible.
Anything less is unacceptable.

So, if you're a doula
know your limits.
Stand up for them. Abide them.
And if you're thinking about hiring a doula,
learn what a doula's role is in childbirth
and respect her experience and knowledge.
Trust is essential on both sides.
The miracle of birth is just that--
a miracle and demands respect and awareness.
That said,
I love being a Doula!