Moving out of Gethsemane Garden

Last week I had the opportunity to attend

Brigham Young University's Women's Conference.

It's a two-day event that

celebrates

uplifts

enlightens

and educates women

in all kinds of areas in Life--

from raising children to money management

careers and marriages,

living our faith and sharing it with others.

I have been going since 1993

and enjoy it every single time.

I will share more about the experience as a whole

another day,

but today I want to focus on a particular talk

that has been ruminating since I heard it last Thursday.

The speaker was Elaine Marshall;

her manner was lovely and articulate--

not ethereal,

but real and present,

totally relate-able.

It was my pleasure to listen to her.

She shared some of her life's journey,

which included the loss of a treasured son,

who died at the age of eight years old.

She didn't go into the details of his passing,

but openly shared her

deep deep grieving--

her mother heart was broken to peices

and she mourned his absence

continually.

Her own mother, in an effort to comfort her,

kindly suggested:

"You've spent too much time in Gethsemane. Jesus has already been there for you.  Go find another garden."

Is that not the most beautiful, inspiring words of comfort?

Sometimes I spend too much time in Gethsemane--

it could be said of me, that I set up house there.

Always tending to my sorrows and sins,

as if by being ever mindful of them

will make me a

 wise steward

a responsible woman, mother, wife.

So automatic is my "tending in Gethsemane"

that I forget that's it okay

to leave my troubles there

and accept the Atonement as it is meant to be accepted

and move on

to other gardens.

While I was at conference,

the first day I was away from home actually,

I got a call from the agency that cares for Dean.

There'd been an incident so disturbing

that he had to be removed from his host home.

I was nauseas, upset, 'fretting' doesn't even cover it.

I wished I was back home--"forget Conference", I thought,

"I need to be home."

Through constant texts and phone calls

all day,

I was kept updated on how he was doing.

He wasn't injured,

in fact, he was "OK" despite the situation.

Into familiar Gethsemane I went...

ready to let go of the busy, fun schedule we had planned--

I brought my 18 year old senior, Dara with me.

And I must say, 

that she is the reason

I kept myself busy with the planned schedule.

I couldn't let her down.

We have needed this time together very much,

and I had to get a grip on events I couldn't control,

and control the things I could.

SO, 

we carried on

and visited another garden:

The best part of that day was going to

Temple Square:

The beauty and peace there was like the Balm of Gilead

to my heart--

alone it lifted me out of Gethsemane

and gave me rest.

 Also on the first day of my trip,

I was given notice that my missionary daughter, Diana,

who is far away in New York,

was in a car accident.

 I went right back to Gethsemane...

-how hurt was she?

-would she be coming home?

-whose fault was it?

I got a few answers--

a concussion, whiplash,

but otherwise ok.

Still, my mother-heart retreated to the familiar path

to Gethsemane...

 I said prayers

for my children,

and decided that instead of setting up in camp,

that perhaps I could trust that these 

sorrows also,

could be entrusted to my Friend,

whose Garden it is.

 I allowed my self,

my heart,

my mind,

to leave Gethsemane

and rely on His atonement...

and leave my cares right there

in His care.

Though the rest of my trip was not "trouble-free"--

I was enabled to take charge of my experience there

with my daughter, Dara,

and together our trip strengthened our relationship

and provided opportunities to bond and create some great memories.

She will be out of my "view"

soon enough...

before I know it,

and these days will be those days--

how grateful I am that I felt comforted and peaceful

in the midst of trials

so that we could enjoy our time together.

It was never intended that we,

as God's children,

take up residence in Gethsemane's walled garden;

He has greater desires for us than to be

prisoners of our mortal bodies and earthly trials.

That's why He sent His Son.

There is comfort in Gethsemane--

I know I will yet visit there many times over

in my life,

but I will try to

remember that the Savior,
the Great Redeemer of All,

the One who sanctified that place,

both figuratively and genuinely--
well,
He also left that Garden a long time ago.