And sometimes it rains...

Friday at 4:14am the phone rang.
I was expecting a call--
after all, we have 3 more Mama's due this month.
But it wasn't from the Midwife.
It was Mr. Idaho's Mom
who has been staying with him and Dani
to help out with the new baby.

Dani passed out at home
and was taken away by ambulance
to the hospital.
I listened to every detail
then fending off "panic"
got myself together
and Mr W and I drove up there
to see my girl.

Thoughts, mostly negative,
were like storm clouds in my mind
gathering,
hovering,
building up into tears.

When we arrived at the hospital
I wasn't "okay" until my arms were around
my girl
my lips on her cheeks
my hands holding hers...
they'd already begun running tests
before we got there--
blood tests,
and then while we were there:
x-rays
and a catscan...
looking for bloodclots.

I didn't like this hospital--
they did no hands-on examination.
Just listened to the symptoms
did the tests
and with very little to go on,
prescribed an antibiotic
and sent us home...
with promises to call us when
lab results are in.

Mr W went on to work,
and I went to the kids' little apartment
where Mr. Idaho's (Granma Boise) mom had stayed behind
with the Golden child.

My girl is having a hard time...
her body is not bouncing back
from childbirth--

Dani's recovery is slow.
She is one big Hurt.

I stayed overnight
and took a turn on the
baby-feeding wheel--
because of the Catscan,
Dani couldn't nurse for 24 hours.
So we all took turns at feeding
the baby...
I was first.
He woke up an hour and 45 minutes
after I went to bed. ha!
And then again in two hours
and again in two hours...
I enjoyed getting up with him so much
that I didn't relinquish my post
easily.
With my own children,
I enjoyed those 2am feedings--
just me and my baby
learning each other
while the rest of the world slept.
I loved it.

But then again,
mine weren't near 11 pounds
and hungry every 2 hours.
(and boy! was I ever grateful for sleep last night!)

Dani hadn't had 8 hours of sleep in one shot
since before the baby was born...
the next morning,
her color was back
laughter filled her
and made her giggle and wince
at the same time
because of stitches,
but she looked better.
We have a silly sense of humor
and shared it over the baby.
David Scott called to check on Dani
and asked her if he could call the baby
"Gary" like SpongeBob Squarepants' pet snail
and asked if Dani was gonna teach him to
"Meow" too?
So the rest of the day,
Dani and I were "meowing" at the baby.
Ridiculous, I know.
Childish, I know.
Fun! Totally!
We joked and giggled
and ate Granma Boise's banana bread.
She rested and cared for her aching body.
This body has taken a beating lately--
it feels foreign to her.
She wonders if it will ever be "hers" again.


By late afternoon
it was time to go home...
and tears surfaced in my girls' eyes.
Having your Mom nearby is
comforting
healing...
I knelt by her bedside
and said
I knew that this was hard for her,
that this isn't what she expected--
but it will pass.
And soon she will be up and about
and back in charge of her home
and her baby.
And the longer lesson will show
when she is in the circle of other women
and "birth stories" are shared--
she will have a greater understanding
with those whose stories are not all happy
and sunshiney and rosey...
she will have a greater empathy and compassion
when they share their struggles too.

Tears began to fall like rain drops...
I know becoming a Mother is hard--
the aches and pains,
the fleshiness and awkwardness
of full breasts
and tenderness everywhere...
lack of sleep distorts everything too.
The celebration of childbirth
with it's fireworks and sunshine
can sometimes give way
to a sky of rainclouds
and periods of rain
before the rainbows appear.

Storms may gather above
and hide the sun for a while,
but eventually the clouds let go
the rain falls
and something good grows because of it...
A Mother.