MOMZA'S HOUSE: Christmas Devotional Throw-down

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Christmas Devotional Throw-down

I turned on the fireplace, made hot cocoa with marshmallows, turned on the Christmas tree lights, shut the blinds, passed out blanket throws..."creating" the mood...

From the TV:
"Live!
From Temple Square in Salt Lake City,
the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
presents
The 2009 Christmas Devotional
featuring the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
and inspirational messages from
President Deiter F. Uchtdorff
President Henry B. Eyring
and
President Thomas S. Monson..."

From the Momza:

"Okay guys! It's ON! Everyone come down stairs!
Get off the computer,
turn off the other TV,
go get Daisie out of her room and tell her to come up!
Come on guys! It's starting!
Hurry!
--what? No, we just ate...come sit down.
Get outta the kitchen...(waving hands wildly)
c'mon guys, they're sayin' the opening prayer!
SHHHH! (finger to lips)
Turn it up, k?
I can't hear it.
Sit down, Joseph.
No, not under the Christmas tree,
right there. (pointing to floor in front of TV)
One, Two, Three...
now, be quiet and listen to the beautiful music!
--where ya going, Bee?
No, no you cannot go upstairs right now.
This is important!
The Apostles are going to speak to us
after the singing
and you need to listen!
I said, Apostles! Apostles of Jesus Christ, dang it!
Sit down and be quiet!
Get your feet off your sister.
Sit up.
Lay down.
Listen.
Listen.
Listen.
Shhhhh.

(Choir finishes singing)
--Where's Joseph? where'd he go? Joseph? Joseph?
(from the bathroom: "I'm in here.")
That's the third time you've gone to the bathroom.
Ari informs: "He's not in the bathroom, he's laying in the hall playing with his Legos."
Come here, Joseph, right now!
Joseph, pointing to TV: "Well this is borrrrrrrrringggg. Why do I haveta watch it? I hate that loud singing."
Just sit down, right now, or you'll be grounded to your room after it's over for the rest of the day. And I mean it.

Closing Prayer: I hear music from a video game coming from the loft pc...the youngest are nowhere to be found. The oldest 3 are sleeping on the sofa, one on top of another.

I just loved the Christmas Devotional, didn't you?

10 comments:

Jenny P.December 8, 2009 at 8:25 PM
So funny! Thanks for your comment today. It helps so much to know we really are all in this together! Out here on the east coast, the devotional didn't start until 8, so we got the kids all excited about staying up late to watch it the entire thing. When it started, Lucy said, "You made us stay up late for THIS?!"

Heh.

(I really did love it though... and I did wind up with one six year old who could tell me all about the story President Monson told... so all was not lost!)
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Susan AndersonDecember 8, 2009 at 8:54 PM
I did love it, but we had to tape it because we were out of town, and when we got back and played it all the way through, the last part of President Monson's talk was cut off. Not sure what happened with our DVR, but that really stunk!

=)
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EmmyDecember 8, 2009 at 9:02 PM
Lol! Love it... and good and sad to know that it happens still with kids your kids' ages. We tried to watch it, I turned it off twice (we had recorded it earlier) and eventually just gave up, thanks to the talking/fighting, etc.
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UtahJennyDecember 8, 2009 at 9:36 PM
Oh Crumb ... you mean it doesn't get any easier to watch this stuff when my kids get older??? You have squelched out a lot of hope!!! ;) (at least I could laugh with you ... we had a similar evening - it was a great devotional)
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ElaineDecember 8, 2009 at 10:13 PM
Hahahahah, totally laughed out loud reading this!!! :) I was able to go to the Devotional with a friend of mine and it was wonderful! But it sounds like yours was a lot better! ;) Family makes it 1000x better!

clothedmuch.blogspot.com
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MelissaDecember 8, 2009 at 10:41 PM
That was hilarious. Loved it.
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MarilynDecember 9, 2009 at 5:45 AM
At least everyone was awake at your house. My son was AWOL, my daughter sick, sleeping in the other room and I got to listen to the Devotional with the sounds of my snoring husband one of the Elders in the background! Reminds me of general conference adventures....
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NonnaDecember 9, 2009 at 1:15 PM
We watched it for our Family Home Evening on Monday night...loved everything but Pres. Eyring makes me want to hit the snooze button ( not his message, his delivery ! )
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Joy For Your JourneyDecember 9, 2009 at 3:46 PM
I loved the devotional! We watch it every year so the kids are used to it. I loved the talks and thought the music was beautiful. But last year we went to a friend's house to watch it with them and they complained the entire time that they had to watch it because we were there, and if we hadn't come they wouldn't have to be watching it. And no that wasn't the kids complaining--it was the mother!!
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bARE-eYED sUNDecember 9, 2009 at 8:04 PM
this was a fun post, Momza. :-)

adventures in family-ing?

thanks for sharing

..
.ero
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SAY WHAT?? Board

Ari showed me her math assignment: "Have you seen this before?"

Me: "Um, yeah. Not since I was in school though."

Ari: "OK. So it's a legitimate thing. I just wanted to make sure my teachers weren't lying to me."

Bee: "I thought it was 'Tequila Mockingbird', not "To Kill a Mockingbird."

From the wedding:

Jud's oldest brother: Tell Mom not to come up to see you while on your honeymoon.

Jud: What? She came to see you?

Brother, laughing: Yeah.

Jud to his Mom: "I don't care if I've been mauled by a bear; do NOT come see me."

***

Dani to Isaac: "Tell Gramma 'bye' n; you love her, Isaac."

Isaac: "Bye! Butt-face Gramma!"

****

Boofus to Momza: "I have black hair in my armpits! Just on this one arm though. I WISH I could move some on the other arm!"

Momza: You're ridiculous. {laughing}

Boofus: "I also have hair growing on my chest. Twelve hairs! I counted!"

***

Arianna: "Mom, can I borrow one of your sweaters?"

Momza: "One of my sweaters? Why?"

Arianna: "It's Ugly Sweater Day at school."

Momza to Joseph, as he's getting ready for school:

"Hey, didn't you wear that shirt yesterday?--It's dirty, go put on a clean one."

Joseph: "It's not dirty. SMELL me!"

Momza: "I am not smelling you. It is too dirty--go put on a clean shirt. You're not wearing that to school."

Joseph, chuckling: "Aww...you're ruining my life."

Momza to 10 yr old Primary boy who wouldn't stop leaning back in his chair:

"I think you should know that I get queasy at the sight of blood. If you lean back in your chair and get hurt, after I've told you not to, I'll probably vomit--and if I do, it'll probably get on you."

Ari, after overhearing what I said, whispered, "Mom, you're a doula, you see blood all the time. It doesn't make you sick."

Momza: He doesn't know that.

****

Two little neighborhood boys knocked on the door:

"Is the Master here?"

Daisie: "What? Who?"

Boofus, from upstairs: "I can't play until my room is clean!"

Momza, to Boofus: "They call you 'Master'?"

Boofus: "Yeah, they do everything I say. I'm their Master."

***

Daisie, from the backseat of the car, while Diana is changing up the radio station:

"No country please. You're destroying my brain."

Diana: "You're welcome."

******

Valentines Day Dinner. Boofus to Dad, while eating the chocolate fish I gave him:

"This was the worst Valentine's ever. Mom KISSED me in front of Nathan!" (N. is his best friend who happened to be standing there when I gave B. his chocolate gift.)

Momza at the dinner table: "So, at work today, I was talking to Juan..."

Boofus, interrupts: "Who?"

Momza: "Juan. Juan--he's a young man I work with."

Boofus: "Who? I mean, WHO were you talking to?"

Caboose, chiming in: "The Chinese-Mexican, Wong!"

The Caboose to Momza: "If you won't get me a cellphone, then you can just send me to a foster home."

Momza:"Hold on while I GOOGLE foster homes in Colorado. N' while I do that, you should go ask Daddy if it's ok to send you away."

The Caboose returns: "Daddy said 'No'."

The Caboose to Mom: I can’t wait until I’m 11. “Cuz eleven is next to twelve and twelve is next to thirteen, and thirteen has the word “teen” in it n’ I can’t wait to be a teenager!

Boofus, pinching his fingers together, showing them to me:

"I just pulled a hair out of my NOSE! I AM A MAN!"

Momza: "Pick up your room, then brush your teeth, and don't forget to pack your lunch."

The Caboose: "You sound just like my mother!"

The Caboose: How do you spell "diary"?

Boofus: "D-A-I-R-Y."

Dad: That's dairy. You need to switch the "a" and the "i".

Caboose: I'm writing in pen here, people.

Dani to Boofus:

"You need to wash your hands before you touch the baby."

Boofus: "I did. I licked them twice."

Diana, who has just spent 45 minutes with Daisie, who'd been chewed out by Momza earlier:

"OH. MY. GOSH. MOM! How do you stand it? She drives me crazy! She acts like she's the only one whose ever been almost 15 years old! She made me so angry! All of her freaking whining! How do you stand it?! --Wait?--Is that what I sound like to you? Ohhhh Mommmm, (laying her head on my shoulder), I AM SO SORRY!!!"

Dad to Boofus, who asked him to do something he didn't want to do:

"What? Do you have a piano tied to your butt?"

Boofus: "Yes, it's small but very heavy."

Boofus, who was pestering the Caboose:

"You're nuthin' but a penny-loafin' Democrat."

Dara to Bee, after she threatened to tell on her for something:

"You think I care if you tell Dad on me? I get in trouble on a daily basis."

Joseph to Momza:

"What do you mean when you say 'think about the words you say'? I never think about what I'm saying."

Walking thru Walmart, the Caboose says:

"Mom, what's Pole dancing?"

"Ask your Dad."

Ari to Momza after seeing a personalized ornament with Joseph's name on it:

"Why does Joe get one and I don't?"

Momza: "Because there wasn't one with your name on it."

Ari: "Ugh. Why couldn't you name me Samantha, Rachel or somebody?"

Ari: Mommmm! Joseph is making me mad!

Momza: He's pushin' your buttons?

Ari: I don't have any buttons. I don't collect buttons.

Joseph to the dog: "C'mon girl--shake what your momma gave you!"

The Caboose, while I am fixing her hair for school:

"I don't want my ponytails braided."

Momza: "Why not?"

"Because it shows my inner beauty."

The Caboose: "I don't like my middle name. It's embarassing, it's not cool. It makes me awkward."

Momza: "Really? Hmmm, well what name do you like?"

The Caboose: "Something cool, like 'Madeline'."

Momza: "Okay you can change your name. What would you like to be called?'

The Caboose: "Arianna Madeline Hope A."

Momza: "Done!"

Momza to Boofus, after he'd spilled some hot cocoa on the counter:

"Hey, what do you do when you accidentally make a mess?"

Boofus: "You lie. And blame it on the dog."

Boofus: "Mom! Ari's bleeding!"

"Where?"

Boofus, pointing: "Over there."

"No, where on her body is she bleeding?"

Boofus: "Oh, on her knee."

Diana's heading downstairs, as the kids are leaving for school:

"Bye Bee, have a great day!"

"Wait! Where am I going?"

Diana, laughing, "You're not going anywhere right now,

I'm going down to take a shower and I won't see you before you leave for school!"

Bee: "Oh yeah."

Diana, after reading the headline, "Gaining Weight is All in Your Head"--

"Of course it's all in your head, that's where your mouth is."

At dinner, Momza to Boofus:

"Okay, when we get home, you need to take a bath."

"I don't wanna take a bath. You sit in your own FILTH!"

Driving in the car:

Dad: why do girls always have to change the radio?"

Bee: "Because we have the Authority. Boys just run red lights and drink beer."

Boofus to the Caboose, when she asked him to bring her more water to the table:

"You're Not Roll-a-tee...get it yourself."

Momza to kids, arguing in backseat on way to school:

"It's a good thing you guys are going to school today, otherwise I'd have to sell you on Ebay or to the Circus.

The Caboose: "What? You're going to get rid of me?"

Momza: "Well, you guys could swing on the trapeze, feed the lions..."

The Caboose: " You know I'm afaid of heights! and lions!"

Boofus, at the sink, rinsing dishes, discovers the water to be too hot. He decides to blame Dad who used the water last.

"Dad! It's your fault!"

"No, it's not-- you're running the water. That's your responsibility. It's your fault--just like the war in Iraq. It's because of your failed policies!"

"HA! YOU'RE the reason we went to War!"

(All this while Pres. Obama's speech is on in the background)

13 yo Daisie to Mom in car:

"Ohhh the boy I like asked another girl out today. Her name is Suzie."

"SuzieQ, hunh?"

"I don't know her last name."

"Do you love me?"

"I've never wanted to hit you. But someday I might."

"Gee, thanks."

"No problem, Babyhead."

Boofus: "I'm never dating. And I'm not gettin' married.Women are nothin' but trouble. And they squeeze your pressure points!"

Mr. W., laughing: "Yeah they sure do know how to squeeze your pressure points, Boof."

Caboose, yelling: "Mom, Joseph hit me!"

Momza: "Joseph, keep your hands to yourself."

Boofus: "I used a spoon. It was a spoon."

Momza: "Keep your hands to yourself."

Boofus: "It wasn't my hands! It was a S-P-O-O-N!"

Momza: "Well you and your spoon are about to get timed out in your bedroom."

Mr. W: "I would like to bear my testimony. I have a testimony of bears. They're true."

Momza: "Did you eat breakfast yet?"

Boofus: "No, there's nothin' good."

Momza:"Well, there's cereal, a bagel, fruit...I could make you some eggs?"

Boofus: "None of that sounds good."

Momza:' Well, if you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?"

Boofus: "I dunno."

Daisie: "The Best of EFY is this weekend! Can I go?"

Momza: "Sure--wait, you're not 14 yet. I dunno."

Daisie: "I'll be 14 in [x-amount] of Days!"

Br. Malley, our HT pipes in, to her: "Shhhh...just go and don't say anything." to me:"But probably not the dance later."

Momza:"Oh right--okay, Daise, you can go for the talks but not the dance."

Daisie: "Nevermind."

The Caboose, as we're on the elevator in the Doc's ofc:

"When they look at your throat, do they have to cut it open?"

Momza:"What??--of course not! Where'd you come up with that?"

" I dunno. "

It was then I realized, the Caboose hasn't ever been sick enough to go to a medical doctor. Bless her heart.

Ari talking to Dani on the phone about caring for the new dog:

"I'll be in charge of walking him, because you know how I feel about picking up poop. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT!"

Boofus insisted he pick out his own shirt for school...comes to me and says, "Someone took off all the buttons on this shirt!"

I flipped the placket over to reveal otherwise.

"Whew!" no button thieves in our house!"

Its lunch time, what does everyone feel like throwing up?

A sleep-deprived Momza to Mr W:

"you better take it easy and get some rest today, cuz you're headed for a ..uh..a collap-sa-tion."

"Ari, you sure want a peice of pie? You're just gonna throw it up in a bit."

"I don't care."

::::sittin' around the table, we're talking about which temples the girls would like to be married in someday::::

Nana: "Portland."

Daisie: "Mesa, definitely."

Boofus, who'd been quiet thru most of the convo:"Well, if I ever decide to like

girls--and I don't now cause I hate them, and they're jerks!! --[his finger pointing to his sisters]--I want to

go to the Hawaii temple."

Boofus: "Mom, when you weren't here, Dad said the "S-word. He's a cusser."

Dad, sheepishly: “No, I don’t think so.”

Boofus: “ Yeah he did. Mom tell him.”

Boofus to Dad: You can hit me as hard you want for ten bucks.

Dad: Can I draw blood?

Boofus: It’s fifteen for blood.

Dad: How about a ping with a baseball bat, how much then?

Boofus: Twenty-two fifty.