I have a confession.
Despite what you may think,
or what you may have read on this blog,
I am not a Momza who has it all together.
Or maybe you don't think that, which is probably wise.
The Circle of Life (cue Lion King music, please)
is in full bloomin' circle right now
in my edge of the wilderness.
I have seven yahoos...
that means
I have been thru Kindergarten
Eight times, including my own.
Eight kindergarten graduations.
I have sat thru countless hours of
Junior Primary in Church.
I have walked the halls of said Church
as many hours and put on as many miles
that it might take to circumnavigate the Globe.
Forrest Gump has nuthin' on me.
Earaches, tummy aches, chicken-pox--
I've seen all childhood diseases and met them head-on.
I don't even blink at the sight of vomit or diahhrea.
My gag reflex is in storage somewhere.
I got that covered.
I've lived thru 4 teenagers
and the 5th is on board,
up to bat.
There's two more in the dugout.
I think I handle most of my yahoos'
whining, growing pains, schooling--
with Logic.
In fact, I'm in love
with
Love and Logic.
Natural Consequences are my Liahona.
I side-step the stumbling blocks of
mello-drama
hissy-fits
and the occasional
I-can't-do-it-blues.
But here's my confession:
I suck big time as a parent
around the time my kid turns
Nineteen years old.
Childhood?
I got that.
Young Adulthood?
Uh no.
Having survived their childhood
and teenage years,
I am more than anxious for them
to use the wings I've given them
to fly the coop!
"Get Out", I say!
"Try your wings!"
"Leave now while you know everything!"
And when they say,
"I'm not leaving yet."
I want to move and not tell them my new address.
I help make plans about schooling
then they don't wanna go.
I talk about working on cruise ships
or national parks
or taking off for Europe backpack style,
and they turn to me and say,
"That's great. I just need a little more time..."
Ugh.
The 19 yo in this house,
my sweet dear Nana
is in the
"I-dont-know-what-I-wanna-do-yet-period."
She wants independence,
from Me,
but lives in my house.
"Leave me alone.
I have to make my own mistakes.
I'm trying to figure things out."
I offer any and all advice--
she doesn't want it.
I suck at this.
I see endless possibilites.
Let's figure this out, I think.
Let's do this together--
this cutting of the apron strings...
it doesn't have to be ugly--
growing up and moving forward.
This can be a Coming-Of-Age celebration!
Woohoo! Let's Party! Let's Smile and Be Happy!
She sees me as
Satan in fleece pajamas.
This part stinks. So Sisters who've "been there, done that"...lay it on me! Wise me up!
Eeek! I have 7 too, but I'm afraid I don't have answers. All I can say is I know how you feel. Check this out...my daughter finally decided to serve a mission, yay. She got her call. We bought all the associated stuff. We had her farewell with the massive open house. She was completely packed. AND THEN she got engaged!!!
ReplyDeleteSo yeah, she's still here in my house and so is her fiance, pretty much 24/7.
I have not been there, done that, yet.
ReplyDeleteBut, after reading all the things you DO have figured out, I'm determined to be your friend for the next, shall we say, eighteen years so that you can help me figure it all out when it happens to me. :)
Looks to me like it's so darned fun around there, they just don't want to leave! (I'd have trouble prying myself away, too...)
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PS. On a serious note, when those of our kids who were less quick to grow up and get a clue didn't want to go to school (they all ended up going, eventually), we stopped supporting them in any way so they'd have to get jobs. The jobs were such a drag that they wound up deciding to attend college after all, having realized first-hand that the equation "good education = better job" was a real one, pertinent to their lives. (We also stopped supporting them in college whenever they weren't applying themselves.)
Once they're 18, it's probably a good idea to have them pay some rent if they live at home...just so they're not getting stuck in some kind of maturational limbo. We also had them pay their own auto insurance when they weren't in college, etc. And of course, anyone living with us had to live by our "house rules." (Another inducement to get their own digs!)
Ah, sweet memories... ;)
SUE: I KNEW you would have some words of wisdom for me! Next to God, I listen for you! lol
ReplyDeleteI feel for ya. That was always a very difficult time in our house. All I can say is TIME! It Takes Time, some longer than others. I agree with Sue, stop supporting them, make them pay their own way. They eventually get it.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought of BYU I? It's smaller, church oriented, tons of RM's, independence, friendly campus and a quality education.
ReplyDelete@Lisa: Actually, that's #1 on my Top Ten list. She's "thinking" about it. Maybe I should pack up and go instead?
ReplyDeleteI have a plan kinda in the back of my mind that once they're 18 they move away and become adults. Now I am freaking out, my countdown might be off by YEARS?
ReplyDeleteWhy do they all have to be so different - it's hard enough to figure it all out ONCE, letalone any MORE than once! I wish I could be more helpful, but out of my four, I didn't have any that didn't want to leave! WHAT am I DOING wrong??
ReplyDeleteHang in there! This two shall pass . . .
Kristin
Ohmanohmanohman. I feel your pain. I get it. I'm on my 6th young adult (thankfully on a mission now) and 7th and final teenager, future young adult. I have no advice. Young adults are worse than teenagers. You can't ground them. Just know that I'm sending you masses of sympathy pains and hope for the future....You already know of course that they will grow out of it...eventually... p.s. Did you read the article in the feb. ensign about young adults????? hmmmmmm.
ReplyDelete@Marilyn: I found it! THANK YOU! Now, I am going to copy it enough to make wallpaper outta it! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteOhhh! Thanks Marilyn - me too, me too!!
ReplyDeleteMy parents told us we'd have to pay rent if we weren't in school and they meant it! My brother is the only one who wanted to stay, my sister and I moved out at 18, willingly. When my brother and his wife wanted to move in after they got married (8x10 room and one BR for the whole house), my parent's told them that they would charge them the going rate for their own apt, so they may as well find one, they did. Even in high school, we were expected to pay for the increase in the car insurance and only had the family car to drive when my mom/dad didn't need it. On the flip side, they're quite generous if we need anything, as long as we stay responsible enough to pay them back.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I have nothing to say. I am giving my kids the boot when they hit 18 (says with a smirk). All I know is this, I practically ran out of my house the minute I got my acceptance letter to BYU. My sisters, on the other hand, are still hanging on.
ReplyDelete(Seriously, one sister has stayed AFTER she was married AND had a baby. Although, truth be told, the whole relationship is whacked.)
Well, at least you have lots of kids to practice on until you get it just right.
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