Touching Divinity thru Mothering

Spring is the season of Love.

Libraries,
from my hometown
to yours
are filled with authors'
earnest efforts to put on paper
that tender emotion
felt with our hearts.
They come so close,
but still,
the words are only
representative of the feelings.

We, being the offspring of the
God of Love,
pursue love
in all of it's stages--
new love
familial love
self-fulfilling love
healing love...
we crave it in all of its forms.

My favorite songs
are about love...
reminiscing about those feelings
just thinking about it in the past tense--
affects my present tense.

We're drawn to it in all of it's expressions--
whether in a book
or a movie
in a song
on a park bench
at a restaurant
or in a mall--
you know it
when you see it.,
but there's nothing like
feeling it yourself,
is there?

There's a sister in our ward,
a very low-profile sister
who recently adopted a child--
he is perfect.
I mean that.
Perfect.
I watch her with him
and she is in total
complete love with this baby.
I watch her body as she melts into his eyes...
soft around the edges
tenderly touching his hands,
tracing his ears with her delicate fingers
over
and
over.
There is noone else in the room
but the two of them
in her mind.
He has put her under a spell
the way all babies do to their mothers.
His beautiful little face
is the only outward evidence
right now
that he has down-syndrome.
His birth mother,
for whatever reason,
didn't think she could raise
him and give him all that he needs.
And who really knows what causes those
feelings or situations of inadequacy?
I've had friends who've placed their child up for adoption.
Lovely, sweet young women.
I've sat on the edge of their hospital beds
and cried with them...
what a hard thing.
And a beautiful expression of sacrifice.

Children pull us women into the
realm of Great and Noble beings.
Whether you raise all of your children
or
raising another mother's children
or
you use your best judgement
and let another woman raise them--
Love
is in the center of it all.
It has to be.
Motherhood compels us to dig deep into
the quiet corners of our heart
and
find our divinity.
In fact,
Motherhood
shows us
our
divinity.

In the center of Eternal Families
is the Savior.
The heart of eternal families
is the mother.
The strength of eternal families
is the father.

It is a wonderful perfect plan of happiness.

As I was observing that sweet sister
with her little angel boy,
she asked if I could hold him
while she excused herself from the class.
I was grateful she asked;
as I held him and immedately felt that
familiar feeling
I had when I held my own special-needs son
as a baby.
Complete Love radiated from this child.
That's the only word
that describes his little person.
I thanked her for sharing him with me.
And then,
we both teared up and hugged.

My new grandson--
my only grandson--
arrives,
and Granpa goes out to the car
and brings baby inside.
Everyone drops what they're doing
to come see "Baby"--
oh
he just smiles and coos
and we melt into his big blue eyes...
where he holds us hostage for hours.
Each of us wants a turn
to hold him
bond with him--
this lightening rod
of love.

This is why,
when our babies are no longer babies,
that we don't run out of the house screaming
or sneak off in the middle of the night
to the far-reaches of the world
to save our sanity
and our waistlines.
Because in running away from them
we'd leave our hearts behind.

And why,
when they turn into rotten teenagers
who roll their eyes
huff and puff like motorcars
and leave dirty dishes on the counter
and wet towels on the floor
we continue to love them.
Even if it's taking their bedroom door off its hinges--
to teach them a lesson or two.

Because in the beginning,
way back to that first night
when you became their Mother--
you knew you would never be the same
and it was good.

It's Spring time.
I just love that.