To Trust in Him

I received a special blessing
shortly after I became a member of
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
It's called a
Patriarchal Blessing.

I was seventeen years old when I received mine.
I love my blessing--
it has been a constant guide in my life
year after year
at every turn of my life
I have been able to go to the
written copy in my nightstand
and find answers to questions
or trials I have at any given moment.
I feel my Heavenly Father's love for me
every time I read it.

One part of it reveals
that as a Mother,
I will be in tune with my children
and their needs--
that I will be able to receive revelation
(answers to prayers and needs)
for my children.

This has been the case
many times in our home:

*One Sunday afternoon,in February,  I was sitting at the piano,
piddling around when I heard a still small voice that said,
"Call the Smiths and tell them that Danielle is to go with them to 
Germany."
The Smiths were an Air Force family that she had babysat for many times,
during their stay in the Springs. I did not know them very well, only that they were
a sweet family and that morning at Church, it was announced that their family was
being reassigned to Landstuhl, Germany.
At the time of the announcement, my thoughts
were simple,
"Oh so soon? We'll miss them."
And that's all there was.
I ignored the voice and kept playing the piano.
Again, it came:

Call the Smiths and tell them that Danielle is to go with them to 

Germany."

I wondered to myself,

"What? Why? Do they even like her? It's the military--is it even possible? Would she want to go?"

I kept playing.

The Lord heard my questions, but did not answer them. Instead, the voice came a third time:

Call the Smiths and tell them that Danielle is to go with them to 

Germany." -- and with such strength that I found myself standing in the kitchen, dialing the Smith's phone number.

Mr Wonderful walked in at that time and asked,

"What're you doing? Who ya calling?"--mainly because I didn't make calls on Sundays.

"I'm calling the Smiths to tell them that they're supposed to take Dani with them to Germany."

His eyebrows raised, his mouth dropped, "Okay. Does she know about this?"

"Un-unh. She's at Church still."

Sister Smith answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Anne. This is Dawn A********."

"Oh hi Dawn! How are you?"

"I'm fine. I know this is gonna sound weird, but I just got an impression,

a strong impression, that I'm supposed to call you and tell you that Dani's to go with your

family to Germany.  Now, I don't know if that's even possible, or if you even like her that much, and believe me when I say that I will not be offended if you don't, but I just needed to tell you this."

"Well, I am so glad you called. I will talk to Dan (husband) tonight; as you know, he's in Afghanistan, but he calls every night, and I'll talk to him about this and get back to you, ok?"

"Sure, sure. No problem. Talk to you soon." 

"Okay, take care."

I got off the phone surprised at what just happened.

Am I looney? Have I lost it totally?

Danielle walked in the door from her meetings

a bit later,

and Dad told her to talk to me.

"Well, I got an impression that you're supposed to go with the Smiths to Germany when they move there in July."

Her response was much like Mr. W's...a surprised, "REALLY?"  and then, 'whatever'.

Months passed by.

Dan came home, they sold their house,

and were all packed to leave.

Dani's ticket had been bought and she was leaving a week after the Smiths.

The night before they left,

we met with them.

Just as they were leaving, 

Anne said, 

"Did I ever tell you what was going on that day you called and told us to take Danielle with us?"

I shook my head 'No'.

She smiled,

"Dan and I had already been talking and praying about whether or not to ask Danielle to go with us. When you called, I knew we had an answer."

***************

There have been a number of times

that the promises in my blessing

have been kept.

I've learned that I can trust in that gift

to guide me as I raise my family

and that they can trust in that gift too.

Many times, I've overheard my yahoos

almost 'warning' each other:

"Mom will find out, eventually. She always knows."

This is true, I think, for most mothers.

We are given this gift of revelation--

some call it 

"woman's intuition";

and every woman knows 

it's Real.

The longer I live,

the more real it is,

and the more often I rely on it

to help me raise my family.

Recently, however,

I doubted it.

A situation developed

with a particular older child,

and while I knew in my heart

this child was not being honest--

out of fear of embarrassment

and consequences--

I outwardly accepted their answer of innocence.
tho' inwardly I knew better.

I questioned them over and over again.

Each time,

their behavior reflected that of a guilty conscience,

but the words were proclaiming innocence.

Well, because Heavenly Father loves me

and 

my child--

the truth came out.

Another source shared it with me,

because they knew I was 

worried and they felt I 

deserved to be informed.

When the truth was revealed,

I felt complete relief.

Yes, I was hurt at the lie.

But, knowing I could trust my feelings
gave me peace.

Then what?

I went to Heavenly Father in prayer and asked

"what do I do with this knowledge?"

His answer was clear:

"Love her."
I can't trust her right now
in specific areas,
and that stinks on ice.
But
I can be patient
while she figures things out
and my hope is that
she will want to earn my trust back
eventually.
So I can't trust her,
but one thing I am very good at already is
loving her.
Because I do.

When your older child is struggling--

the last thing you want to do is give them a reason

to pull away...because they're embarrassed or prideful.

Did you hear that?

If I share nothing else worthwhile on this little blog of mine,

it is this:

Don't give your teenagers a reason to pull away.
Don't BE the reason they reject 

your family, your values, your faith.
 Do not make your love so specifically conditional

that your children feel they have to
earn your affection.
Rules are essential--
standards are created to give purpose and joy;
respect is earned
so is trust.
But acknowledge that we all evolve into
better people
one day
one choice
at a time.
Be prayerful
and be patient.

So what did I do?
I prayed.

I wrote my feelings in my personal journal.

Not just for me,

but for the day when this child comes to me

and discloses the truth on their terms.

I can open my journal,

show them the dated page

and say,

"I knew. I've known. And I love you still."