The Non-Jersey Shores Situation

We had a situation here this week,
that is very unlike Jersey Shores "The Situation"--
(seriously, is it just me or is that kid kind of immature?--
I've never even seen the show,
but every time I see a photo of him,
his shirt is pulled up like he's a two year old girl.
just sayin.)

Anywhooooo...
we have some young neighbors
who have some young little girls.
One of whom has tested the
"honesty" waters lately...
She told the Caboose--
who was within ear shot of Nana,
that her parents abuse her--
that her father shoved her down the stairs,
and her parents refuse to feed her!
AND
that if the Caboose told ME,
and if I then told THEM,
she would lie her fool head off,
rather than face certain death!
AND
(hey, there's more!  there's always more when
a nine year old girl is concerned,
and this one was on a roll!)
AND--if the Caboose told me,
then she would make sure
that the Caboose was
suspended from school
AND
go to "Kid Prison".

Now, I was flat-out ignoring the child-abuse bally hooing,
if you knew her parents
like I know her parents,
you would too.
But when the Caboose was fretting about going to
Kid Prison and eating green beans all day,
I knew it was time to have a little chat
with this youngun's father yesterday morning.

Yes, he was shocked.
Yes, he couldn't believe it.
Yes, he told his sweet wife,
whom I was sure was going to either
A) Put her kid in a chokehold
or
 B) Die from shock.

The parents asked if they could come over
have a chat
get to the bottom of this situation
because as you might've guessed--
their daughter would never talk like that,
was always kind and honest,
why, she would just never!...
blah blah blah
you know this stuff
cuz you've been there, right?

I know I've been there--
ready to defend my yahoo's reputation
with my last breath
before I knew any better.
I came to the sad realization that my yahoos--
my beloved off-spring for whom
I have
sacrificed so much--
my waistline
my hard-earned money
my time, talents, means
and last nerves--
MY yahoos would dare LIE to their mother
to save their own skins!

I learned this when my oldest yahoo
was in fifth grade:
the teacher called to "inform" me of my son's
unnaceptable behavior.
I can't even recall what it was,
so it wasn't theft,
physical violence
or naughty words--
it had something to do with
writing on someone else's paper.
ANYWHO,
while the teacher is telling me
this
this
this nonsense,
I told her in no uncertain terms that
MY BOY WOULD NEVER DO THAT. period.
Then I asked to speak to my son,
and I asked him over the phone,
"Did you do that?"
to which he replied "No, Mom."
Satisfied with his answer,
I asked to speak to his teacher.
"Yes, my son says he didn't do that, and I believe him."
Then she said,
"Why don't you come down to the school and see for yourself."

I was indignant.
Of course I would come down to prove my son's innocence!
What Mama Bear wouldn't??

I went into the Principal's Office
ready to claw at anyone who dare challenge my son's character,
only to be handed my dignity back into my face
as I saw the paper-in-question with my own two eyeballs.

A little part of me died.
Right there in Mrs. Inserra's office
at Bellair Elementary School.

I was in shock.
My Beloved Son, My David Scott had
told me a big fat honkin' lie...
and he knew when I got there--
he knew I was going to look like an Idiot
in front of his teacher and Principal.

And he did it anyway.

SO
that's the day I learned that while I may
teach my yahoos all I know about being
honest and true,
they like to test the honesty waters once in awhile
when I'm not expecting it
and shock the daylights outta me.

I just hate that.

So I was relating this story to my young neighbors
who were certain that their
beautiful, rich and talented* child
would NEVER tell such a whopper--
I told them
that sometimes kids lie just to see what happens.
And you don't have to beat yourself up over it
or analyze it to death.
You deal with it in your own way,
(filling up socks with sand and thumping the yahoos with them
doesn't leave a mark, did you know that?)
and then you move on.

I think my young neighbors were both
relieved and discouraged.
Relieved
that we weren't mad or
in any other way affected,
so long as their brat*
stopped threatening the Caboose
with hard time in the Big Kid House
and being suspended from school;
and
Discouraged
that they have a normal kid on their hands
because before today,
they were pretty sure she was an incarnate Mother Theresa.

Kids wreck us parents up sometimes.
I think it's payback for all the wrecking up we do to them.

I bet that's what that kid on Jersey Shore is doing to his folks.
Payback. Totally.