MOMZA'S HOUSE: Why I am Always a Day Late and a Dollar Short--the unmentionable story

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Why I am Always a Day Late and a Dollar Short--the unmentionable story

When I was a little girl,
my mom bought me special underwear--
the kind with the Days of the Week stitched on them.

I loved them.

I'd set each pair out the night before--
Monday for Monday
Tuesday for Tuesday
Wednesday for Wednesday
Thursday for
well, you get the point.
I'd get super excited about how I could
organize my entire weeks' outfits around
a pair of ruffled underwear!

But then at the end of the week,
on Sunday, actually--
it would all go to pot...~~no pun,~~
pun intended.
There was no underwear with Sunday on them.
It's like it was sacrilegious to have the word
"Sunday" on a pair of unmentionables.
That was back when shopping wasn't done on Sundays--
if you're as old as me,
you probably recall those days when
Thou shalt keep the Sabbath day holy
was the real deal.
Stores, restaurants, movie theaters, baseball fields
were quiet.
Sunday was a day of reverence...
and I guess even the underwear people knew that.

So when Sunday came around,
I had to wear Monday's underwear...
and thus began an ugly chain of events.
I wore Tuesday's underwear on Monday,
and Wednesday's on Tuesday...
and so on
and so on...
until I was so far behind,
I ended up wearing Saturday's underwear on Tuesdays!
And that is why I am always a day late and a dollar short!

Today,
I bought the Caboose her own
Days of the Week underwear--
and she was so excited,
she ran up to her bathroom--
at three o'clock in the afternoon!-
and took a shower to put on her
new underwear!
I kid you not--
can't even make this stuff up.

So when Mr. W comes home,
she meets him at the door
and whispers in his ear about her new
Days Of the Week underwear.
"I'm wearing Wednesdays!'"
We both smile and say,
"It's Tuesday though."
"Oh I know, she says, but I won't have time to
shower in the morning, so I'm wearing them for tomorrow."

[I did tell her she could've waited until I washed them --but she didn't wait.]

So I tossed the others in the wash with some things,
and as I'm sorting them out from the dryer,
I notice something--
there's a Sunday pair.
And then I smile--
no more messing up the days of the week for her!
YES! I think. Underwear makers finally get it!
We need to wear clean unmentionables even on Sundays!

And then there was a note of sadness.
A ridiculous, sappy realization.
Sundays are just like every other day
in the world my daughter lives in...
they are not days' of rest...
they are days to catch-up
days to run errands and shopping
days to go to movies and out to eat
or a "nod to God and then I'm gone"--
days to go to church and then to ball games...
Sundays are just like every other day--
and even Fruit of the Loom knows it.

And men wonder why women are so uptight?!!!

14 comments:

Susan AndersonSeptember 7, 2010 at 9:41 PM
It's true. I think the addition of Sunday to the days of the week underwear carries a deeper message about our culture that is quite sad.

Having said that, I'm glad she'll have some for Sunday...

=)
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sarahSeptember 7, 2010 at 9:45 PM
How delightful! :-)

I remember the days when shops weren't open on Sundays. Nowadays the only pure holidays are Christmas and Easter, and even with the latter we have many shops finding a way around the law. Even if one isn't religious, there's the loss of something sacred, of a deeper appreciation of life and family, that comes with 7 days a week shopping.
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TisforTonyaSeptember 7, 2010 at 10:05 PM
I think I need to go buy some of these... because currently I can't tell the difference between the different Littlest Pet Shop guys and have a sneaking suspicion that Monday underwear becomes Tuesday underwear with regularity.
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Pitterle PostingsSeptember 7, 2010 at 10:06 PM
I love this one! It is so true too! I guess that is why we are supposed to be a "peculiar people". So that we can teach everyone that Sunday is not just another day of the week. It is a special day for a very special person. And, of course, you have to put on your very best to show Him how much you care.
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LesleySeptember 7, 2010 at 10:27 PM
My 10yo got some from her Auntie and she loves them too! I remember having some growing up...but don't remember if they included Sunday. Hmmmm. It is kind of a statement of our society though isn't it? Sad indeed.
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Lisa @ Pulsipher PageSeptember 7, 2010 at 10:56 PM
I had those too!
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The Crash Test DummySeptember 7, 2010 at 11:09 PM
That was AWESOME, Momza.

And I'm first! Woohoo!
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CharlotteSeptember 8, 2010 at 6:06 AM
For some reason those days of the week underwear have always creeped me out. It makes me sad how Sunday is seen here. My kids' friends can't understand how my kids can't go out minigolfing or to the movies with them. Why "we'll just do it after your church gets out" doesn't work. My goodness, my kids have received condolences for having to go to church every Sunday.
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MarilynSeptember 8, 2010 at 7:13 AM
And this is why I read you first thing in the morning. Because I have a smile on my face now.
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Serene is my name, not my life!September 8, 2010 at 9:04 AM
I am totally jealous. I never had such cool underwear! I wish I had though.

And yes, Sundays were very special days. No bike riding, swimming, TV, etc.

I'm trying to raise my kids the same way.
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Joy For Your JourneySeptember 8, 2010 at 9:27 AM
I love how you can take something so simple and make a great post out of it. It is a gift. Thanks for the thought and the insight.
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LisaluluSeptember 8, 2010 at 10:55 AM
I remember hearing that at first it was called the Sabbath, then Sunday, then The Weekend (lumped in with Saturday, not even named, just another day to get 'stuff' done.) I never got to have those kind of underwear, I could ONLY have white, period. NEVER a color. never. sigh
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Welcome to the Garden of EganSeptember 8, 2010 at 2:46 PM
I had some Days of the Week undies as well.
Saturday's were black, Sunday's were white.

Sort of a hilarious post!!!
Only you could post about undies and make me laugh.
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KazzySeptember 8, 2010 at 10:01 PM
So cute and so nostalgic. I never had those unmentionables, but I had friends who did, and I always thought they were the coolest!
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SAY WHAT?? Board

Ari showed me her math assignment: "Have you seen this before?"

Me: "Um, yeah. Not since I was in school though."

Ari: "OK. So it's a legitimate thing. I just wanted to make sure my teachers weren't lying to me."

Bee: "I thought it was 'Tequila Mockingbird', not "To Kill a Mockingbird."

From the wedding:

Jud's oldest brother: Tell Mom not to come up to see you while on your honeymoon.

Jud: What? She came to see you?

Brother, laughing: Yeah.

Jud to his Mom: "I don't care if I've been mauled by a bear; do NOT come see me."

***

Dani to Isaac: "Tell Gramma 'bye' n; you love her, Isaac."

Isaac: "Bye! Butt-face Gramma!"

****

Boofus to Momza: "I have black hair in my armpits! Just on this one arm though. I WISH I could move some on the other arm!"

Momza: You're ridiculous. {laughing}

Boofus: "I also have hair growing on my chest. Twelve hairs! I counted!"

***

Arianna: "Mom, can I borrow one of your sweaters?"

Momza: "One of my sweaters? Why?"

Arianna: "It's Ugly Sweater Day at school."

Momza to Joseph, as he's getting ready for school:

"Hey, didn't you wear that shirt yesterday?--It's dirty, go put on a clean one."

Joseph: "It's not dirty. SMELL me!"

Momza: "I am not smelling you. It is too dirty--go put on a clean shirt. You're not wearing that to school."

Joseph, chuckling: "Aww...you're ruining my life."

Momza to 10 yr old Primary boy who wouldn't stop leaning back in his chair:

"I think you should know that I get queasy at the sight of blood. If you lean back in your chair and get hurt, after I've told you not to, I'll probably vomit--and if I do, it'll probably get on you."

Ari, after overhearing what I said, whispered, "Mom, you're a doula, you see blood all the time. It doesn't make you sick."

Momza: He doesn't know that.

****

Two little neighborhood boys knocked on the door:

"Is the Master here?"

Daisie: "What? Who?"

Boofus, from upstairs: "I can't play until my room is clean!"

Momza, to Boofus: "They call you 'Master'?"

Boofus: "Yeah, they do everything I say. I'm their Master."

***

Daisie, from the backseat of the car, while Diana is changing up the radio station:

"No country please. You're destroying my brain."

Diana: "You're welcome."

******

Valentines Day Dinner. Boofus to Dad, while eating the chocolate fish I gave him:

"This was the worst Valentine's ever. Mom KISSED me in front of Nathan!" (N. is his best friend who happened to be standing there when I gave B. his chocolate gift.)

Momza at the dinner table: "So, at work today, I was talking to Juan..."

Boofus, interrupts: "Who?"

Momza: "Juan. Juan--he's a young man I work with."

Boofus: "Who? I mean, WHO were you talking to?"

Caboose, chiming in: "The Chinese-Mexican, Wong!"

The Caboose to Momza: "If you won't get me a cellphone, then you can just send me to a foster home."

Momza:"Hold on while I GOOGLE foster homes in Colorado. N' while I do that, you should go ask Daddy if it's ok to send you away."

The Caboose returns: "Daddy said 'No'."

The Caboose to Mom: I can’t wait until I’m 11. “Cuz eleven is next to twelve and twelve is next to thirteen, and thirteen has the word “teen” in it n’ I can’t wait to be a teenager!

Boofus, pinching his fingers together, showing them to me:

"I just pulled a hair out of my NOSE! I AM A MAN!"

Momza: "Pick up your room, then brush your teeth, and don't forget to pack your lunch."

The Caboose: "You sound just like my mother!"

The Caboose: How do you spell "diary"?

Boofus: "D-A-I-R-Y."

Dad: That's dairy. You need to switch the "a" and the "i".

Caboose: I'm writing in pen here, people.

Dani to Boofus:

"You need to wash your hands before you touch the baby."

Boofus: "I did. I licked them twice."

Diana, who has just spent 45 minutes with Daisie, who'd been chewed out by Momza earlier:

"OH. MY. GOSH. MOM! How do you stand it? She drives me crazy! She acts like she's the only one whose ever been almost 15 years old! She made me so angry! All of her freaking whining! How do you stand it?! --Wait?--Is that what I sound like to you? Ohhhh Mommmm, (laying her head on my shoulder), I AM SO SORRY!!!"

Dad to Boofus, who asked him to do something he didn't want to do:

"What? Do you have a piano tied to your butt?"

Boofus: "Yes, it's small but very heavy."

Boofus, who was pestering the Caboose:

"You're nuthin' but a penny-loafin' Democrat."

Dara to Bee, after she threatened to tell on her for something:

"You think I care if you tell Dad on me? I get in trouble on a daily basis."

Joseph to Momza:

"What do you mean when you say 'think about the words you say'? I never think about what I'm saying."

Walking thru Walmart, the Caboose says:

"Mom, what's Pole dancing?"

"Ask your Dad."

Ari to Momza after seeing a personalized ornament with Joseph's name on it:

"Why does Joe get one and I don't?"

Momza: "Because there wasn't one with your name on it."

Ari: "Ugh. Why couldn't you name me Samantha, Rachel or somebody?"

Ari: Mommmm! Joseph is making me mad!

Momza: He's pushin' your buttons?

Ari: I don't have any buttons. I don't collect buttons.

Joseph to the dog: "C'mon girl--shake what your momma gave you!"

The Caboose, while I am fixing her hair for school:

"I don't want my ponytails braided."

Momza: "Why not?"

"Because it shows my inner beauty."

The Caboose: "I don't like my middle name. It's embarassing, it's not cool. It makes me awkward."

Momza: "Really? Hmmm, well what name do you like?"

The Caboose: "Something cool, like 'Madeline'."

Momza: "Okay you can change your name. What would you like to be called?'

The Caboose: "Arianna Madeline Hope A."

Momza: "Done!"

Momza to Boofus, after he'd spilled some hot cocoa on the counter:

"Hey, what do you do when you accidentally make a mess?"

Boofus: "You lie. And blame it on the dog."

Boofus: "Mom! Ari's bleeding!"

"Where?"

Boofus, pointing: "Over there."

"No, where on her body is she bleeding?"

Boofus: "Oh, on her knee."

Diana's heading downstairs, as the kids are leaving for school:

"Bye Bee, have a great day!"

"Wait! Where am I going?"

Diana, laughing, "You're not going anywhere right now,

I'm going down to take a shower and I won't see you before you leave for school!"

Bee: "Oh yeah."

Diana, after reading the headline, "Gaining Weight is All in Your Head"--

"Of course it's all in your head, that's where your mouth is."

At dinner, Momza to Boofus:

"Okay, when we get home, you need to take a bath."

"I don't wanna take a bath. You sit in your own FILTH!"

Driving in the car:

Dad: why do girls always have to change the radio?"

Bee: "Because we have the Authority. Boys just run red lights and drink beer."

Boofus to the Caboose, when she asked him to bring her more water to the table:

"You're Not Roll-a-tee...get it yourself."

Momza to kids, arguing in backseat on way to school:

"It's a good thing you guys are going to school today, otherwise I'd have to sell you on Ebay or to the Circus.

The Caboose: "What? You're going to get rid of me?"

Momza: "Well, you guys could swing on the trapeze, feed the lions..."

The Caboose: " You know I'm afaid of heights! and lions!"

Boofus, at the sink, rinsing dishes, discovers the water to be too hot. He decides to blame Dad who used the water last.

"Dad! It's your fault!"

"No, it's not-- you're running the water. That's your responsibility. It's your fault--just like the war in Iraq. It's because of your failed policies!"

"HA! YOU'RE the reason we went to War!"

(All this while Pres. Obama's speech is on in the background)

13 yo Daisie to Mom in car:

"Ohhh the boy I like asked another girl out today. Her name is Suzie."

"SuzieQ, hunh?"

"I don't know her last name."

"Do you love me?"

"I've never wanted to hit you. But someday I might."

"Gee, thanks."

"No problem, Babyhead."

Boofus: "I'm never dating. And I'm not gettin' married.Women are nothin' but trouble. And they squeeze your pressure points!"

Mr. W., laughing: "Yeah they sure do know how to squeeze your pressure points, Boof."

Caboose, yelling: "Mom, Joseph hit me!"

Momza: "Joseph, keep your hands to yourself."

Boofus: "I used a spoon. It was a spoon."

Momza: "Keep your hands to yourself."

Boofus: "It wasn't my hands! It was a S-P-O-O-N!"

Momza: "Well you and your spoon are about to get timed out in your bedroom."

Mr. W: "I would like to bear my testimony. I have a testimony of bears. They're true."

Momza: "Did you eat breakfast yet?"

Boofus: "No, there's nothin' good."

Momza:"Well, there's cereal, a bagel, fruit...I could make you some eggs?"

Boofus: "None of that sounds good."

Momza:' Well, if you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?"

Boofus: "I dunno."

Daisie: "The Best of EFY is this weekend! Can I go?"

Momza: "Sure--wait, you're not 14 yet. I dunno."

Daisie: "I'll be 14 in [x-amount] of Days!"

Br. Malley, our HT pipes in, to her: "Shhhh...just go and don't say anything." to me:"But probably not the dance later."

Momza:"Oh right--okay, Daise, you can go for the talks but not the dance."

Daisie: "Nevermind."

The Caboose, as we're on the elevator in the Doc's ofc:

"When they look at your throat, do they have to cut it open?"

Momza:"What??--of course not! Where'd you come up with that?"

" I dunno. "

It was then I realized, the Caboose hasn't ever been sick enough to go to a medical doctor. Bless her heart.

Ari talking to Dani on the phone about caring for the new dog:

"I'll be in charge of walking him, because you know how I feel about picking up poop. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT!"

Boofus insisted he pick out his own shirt for school...comes to me and says, "Someone took off all the buttons on this shirt!"

I flipped the placket over to reveal otherwise.

"Whew!" no button thieves in our house!"

Its lunch time, what does everyone feel like throwing up?

A sleep-deprived Momza to Mr W:

"you better take it easy and get some rest today, cuz you're headed for a ..uh..a collap-sa-tion."

"Ari, you sure want a peice of pie? You're just gonna throw it up in a bit."

"I don't care."

::::sittin' around the table, we're talking about which temples the girls would like to be married in someday::::

Nana: "Portland."

Daisie: "Mesa, definitely."

Boofus, who'd been quiet thru most of the convo:"Well, if I ever decide to like

girls--and I don't now cause I hate them, and they're jerks!! --[his finger pointing to his sisters]--I want to

go to the Hawaii temple."

Boofus: "Mom, when you weren't here, Dad said the "S-word. He's a cusser."

Dad, sheepishly: “No, I don’t think so.”

Boofus: “ Yeah he did. Mom tell him.”

Boofus to Dad: You can hit me as hard you want for ten bucks.

Dad: Can I draw blood?

Boofus: It’s fifteen for blood.

Dad: How about a ping with a baseball bat, how much then?

Boofus: Twenty-two fifty.