I've been asked to share my thoughts
this coming Sunday at church
regarding
Teaching Children the Value of Work.
Our family motto is
"It Takes a Family to Take Care of a Family".
I've shared before how I implement that philosophy.
But what I wanna know is
How Do/Did You Teach Your Children
the Value of Work to develop their
Work Ethic?
And before you share,
I'll let you know that your thoughts
may be used in conjunction with my thoughts
Sunday at church.
Lay it on me!
We tried job charts, rewards, allowance, etc. but in the end the thing that I think worked the best is to just work along side them. My kids always worked better when we stayed together and worked from room to room, or outside as a family. Then I could make sure they stayed on task as well as be sure the job was done properly. And we had a lot of fun doing it--because we could turn up music and sing, or tell stories etc. The only huge complaining I ever got was when I got them up at 5:00 one Saturday morning to weed the gardens. They still give me a bad time about that. But I was up and figured "why am I doing this myself?" So I made them all join me. :-)
ReplyDeleteFrom the time our four kids were about 4 years old we started them in a rotation of setting the table, clearing the table and doing the dishes, each night they did a different job. Every fourth day they had it off. We also let them be involved in canning fruits and vegetables, mowing the lawn, raking leaves, vaccuuming, and working in the garden as they got older. Each child had a row of strawberries that was their responsibility to keep weeded, watered and picked. (Some did better than others when it came harvest time.) We didn't feel the need to nag them, we just set the expectation and they knew what their responsibility was. Black and white.
ReplyDeleteNow as adults they are all hard workers and are now teaching their children what is expected of them. Did we do everything right? Definitely not but all four of them are responsible adults. You can't ask for more than that.
Well! I have to first say that I love to read your stories. I'm not a mom yet, but my "mother-heart" is most definitely in training! My parents always said it was my responsibility to clean my mess, whether it was my room, the game room, or whatever I had been doing. I was also made to do my own laundry at the ripe old age of 9.
ReplyDeleteAt my work, we are expected to work and to pull our own weight. It isn't fair to other crew members to let them do all the work, so we share. Two by two does the job get done.
There are always consequences to ones actions, good or bad. It's just a matter of what kind of consequence you want. It's hard to teach young kids this "work ethic" but boy howdy! It sure pays off when they are older!
I think work beside them, not tell them what to do.
ReplyDeleteLive by example. You can't say one thing and do another.
Each child is individual. What works for one, may NEVER work with the other.
Set limits. They want it.
I don't speak because I did a great job, I speak because years later that's what my kids said they remembered about us as parents.
We have never felt that our children were too young to help out around the house. We started giving our children jobs that they could easily do as soon as they could do them - folding their own clothes, vacuuming, washing dishes, bringing in the wood, etc. - age and size appropriate. We felt that the best way to get our kids to work was if we all work together. The older our kids get the more independent work we give them. Sometimes we will give them work that they can earn money for and sometimes it is a job that benefits the family as a whole. We've always taught our kids that if we all live here and make the mess and use up the necessities, we can all chip in to replace or clean things up. We tell them, "it's not a free ride for mom and dad so it's not fair that it's a free ride for you either, is it?"
ReplyDeleteWe take our kids with us to service projects, ward wood hauls, taking care of grandparents, etc. We feel like we can't expect our kids to know how to work if we don't give them opportunities to show them how to do it and that they need to see mom and dad doing it too. We never force them though. Sometimes we offer rewards, sometimes we give consequences... it depends on the work that needs to be done and whether it is optional or expected.
The main thing we've learned is that consistancy is key and that if we promise or threaten a consequence we have to follow through. The other thing is that we have always tried to be conscientious about praising our kids for jobs well done and to show them and talk about how their effort made our life or someone else's life better. We found that when we really praise them, they do a good job in other areas as well. Now that they are teenagers we hardly even have to ask them to do some things anymore. It is automatic. Our effort in teaching them how to work when they were little is beginning to pay off.
Sorry - I didn't mean to write you a novel!
I'm afraid I've dropped the ball on this one so many times... but I keep trying a new system... maybe what I'm teaching my kids is persistence at least?
ReplyDeleteI have to agree on the working side by side though - they learn the right way to do the job - they learn to appreciate the end result - and as a bonus you get one on one time. Granted, with at least one of my children that one on one time consists of a LOT of complaints and murmurs... I'm hoping that one will learn a work ethic on his mission... my apologies to his future mission president - and all of his future companions - and while I'm at it... his future wife.
I totally agree with service. We take the kids on all service projects. We work together, they have chores and responsibilities. The older kids all worked, helped in the house, helped on paper routes. Basically, raising a family is a family affair. We have a large family and everyone has to work together. Sometimes they grumble, but they all end up helping. mostly, we try to make working together fun and interesting.
ReplyDeleteWorking with them is for sure a great way to keep them going. Whenever I get complaints about what they are asked to do I volunteer to trade to do lists with them. They shut their traps pretty quick.
ReplyDeleteWe also try to remind them that we need to treat our homes as sacred as the temple. "Do you think the temple ever gets this messy?"
Another thing that helps them feel accomplishment is to really have them look at what's been done. "This room looks so nice. Look how great you did!"
We also try to follow up hard work with fun, family play time...games, pizza, hikes...whatever works.
Good question . . . I'm thinkin'
ReplyDeleteSaturday was work day, we all worked in the morning and then played in the afternoon. Either we had one big project for the family, gardening, organizing etc, or a list that we all worked on until everything was checked off. Then it was off to the movies, bowling, skating etc in the afternoon.
Hmmmm . . . still thinking . . .
The kids did get a reasonable allowance so they could learn to save, pay tithing etc, but they could choose additional jobs to earn extra money. If they wanted large items like game systems, snowboards, etc they had to earn half the money for the item.
Oh here's a good one - 16 year old drivers. They couldn't get their drivers license until they had $500 in the bank for our insurance deductible. If they wrecked the car, there was the money for the deductible. Was it just a coincidence that the boys used theirs and the girls are accident free??
Fun job charts from the time they were little with rewards as they accomplished the things on their lists.
No technology until homework and daily jobs were completed. Also, TV and computer time limits on school nights.
Oh yeah . . . one of my favorites! Each child had an evening they were responsible for dinner and clean up. They did everything from planning the menu, helping with the shopping etc. Of course we helped them as needed. Each one of my kids now is an excellent cook!
Kristin
wow... ok so you already have a lot of comments, but heres my two cents!
ReplyDeleteI had a boss in college whose 5 children all worked really hard, without complaining, and I once asked her the very question, "How did you get them to be like this?"
She said that it was simple. In their home it was never, "Josh do this, while Erin you do that." It was - " lets clean the kitchen TOGETHER". or lets clean the bathroom together, or the yard work together. But the key word was "together." This is how they had some of the most meaningful conversations, how they grew their biggest bonds. They were hard at work, and spending time together.
I have always thought that this was really great advice. Good luck on your talk!
I think it's good to spend time together as a family working, with parents ignoring as best they can whatever murmuring that entails. (Hopefully, full-scale revolt can be avoided!) We should never underestimate what even a small or special needs child can do. We can allow each family member the honor and personal importance of contributing to the group effort and being needed in his or her role. Work should include family projects in the home and regularly scheduled service projects outside the home.
ReplyDeleteWe should also let our children pick up the tab. We can allow them the personal satisfaction and esteem that comes from earning their own way. Rather than paying for something they want, we could offer to pay half, matching their own funds. (If you like, the other half you would have paid can be put into a secret account for your child and given to him or her upon graduation from high school, return from a mission, or college.) Overindulging children does not teach them the benefits of work. Less IS more, in this regard at least.
Just a few thoughts...
=)
YAY! I'm so glad you've gotten so many great comments. Now maybe I won't feel so guilty for making you help me with my Relief Society lesson! :) Thanks again for being so willing to do this! I can't wait to hear your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteLots of great comments!! We're still really early in this parenting thing- but one thing we do is talk about our own commitment to our work ethic. We talk about work and our jobs and challenges and the resolutions and solutions. I want my kids to see that their parents practice what they preach. We also try to avoid instant gratification- kid wants toy and the answer is "let's find ways to earn and save money so you can buy it."
ReplyDelete