Step-Parenting: A Blessing in our Family

When I got married at age 20,
I thought it would be like a Randy Travis song
"Forever and Ever, Amen."
I wasn't a fickle girl.
I made my choice and was "in it to win it".
I wanted to be his wife,
his friend,
his companion.

The problem was pretty simple
now that I see it some 29 years later:
he didn't want any of that.
And I'm not going to psycho-analyze him
all these years later-
sucha a waste of time and energy,
suffice to say,
I matured and decided to divorce the bumholio,
er, that guy.

I was going to be a single mom til the day I died,
the ex assured me of that
about two bazillion times.
Afterall, what kinda man would marry a woman
with five children--
one of which is special needs?
The list,
if there was a list,
was definitely short--
the odds were not in my favor.
But, whatever, ya know?
The truth is,
it's better to be alone
than to be abused.

In a truly tender mercy kinda way,
Heavenly Father brought Mr. Wonderful
in my life.
He was a grown-up.
Responsible in every way.
If he said he was going to do some-thing
any-thing,
he did it.
I could trust him in the little things
as well as in the big things.

And when he asked me to marry him,
I told him that I would,
but that he had to understand that in my life
he was going to be the "Caboose"--
my first responsibility was to my children
and if he would help me raise them
to be
responsible,
loving,
faithful
adults
I would love him forever and ever.

He agreed and we began the journey
into Step-parenting/Co-Parenting
my five children
and then added two more of our own
in the mix.

It's going on twelve years now,
and I can tell you,
it's better than I thought it could be,
but not as easy as I hoped.
In fact,
it's as much a work in progress
as any other relationship.

As I have watched my non-divorced friends
with their families,
I haveta say we came out pretty good,
comparably.
Mainly because relationships are built on
trust,
respect,
and the big -C: communication.
And guess what?
That's something EVERYONE has to work on.

Step-parents get a bad wrap because the expectations
coming into a broken home
are sometimes unrealistic.
We're looking for and need alot of healing
from the past broken relationship,
and lots of emotional "duct-tape" if you will...
so when a new "parent" steps UP
sometimes we forget that they too,
have things they're working on
and they're not perfectly prepared for
the myriad of expectations that lay ahead.

Parenting is alot of trial and error--
even when the kids are your own
"flesh and blood"--
and Step-Parents deserve credit for being willing
to try in the first place!

When Mr. W first joined our family,
the oldest was nearly 15...
teen years are difficult--
I don't care who you are!
Mr. W didn't always know how to handle
an angry or sometimes apathetic young man,
but I can tell you this,
he tried to do right by him.
The best compliment to this was when David Scott
was on his mission,
he sent home a letter to Mr. W and in it,
expressed his love and appreciation for all
Mr. W had done for him personally,
and for our family.

As each of the first five have come into maturity,
they've all handled themselves and US
differently--
just as any non-divorced family would expect.
It takes a while to figure out how to keep the channels
of communication open,
how to love them when they're not especially lovable,
and how to navigate through the rougher days and nights
that adolescents plough through.
It takes alot of patience and perseverance,
and LOVE.

Mr. W has a great capacity to stay calm when I am not.
There've been times when it was easier for the kids to go to him
and not to me;
when he's had to be the strong loving parent
when I was ready to burst in frustration.
And conversely,
he's done his best to support me when I needed his support.
I don't think the kids ever thought Mr. W wasn't in my corner.

They each have their own relationship with my husband.
Some call him "Dad" and some don't.
They all have their own nicknames for Mr. W.
But what matters is at the end of the day,
they know they can call on him at all
and he will answer that call.

He has been at every graduation,
every mission farewell and homecoming,
every Temple wedding,
and baby blessing
and he will continue to be there.
Cuz, as Diana says so sweetly,
"that's what being a parent is--
being there when they're needed."

In this day and age,
perhaps we can the change stigma that comes
from the likes of Cinderella's "wicked step-mother",
to a better understanding of the individuals that
STEP-UP to parenting children who need them?
Mother's Day is coming up,
followed quickly by Father's Day--
two very good opportunities to say
"Thank you."

So thank you, Mr. W. for helping me
raise our children into
responsible
loving
faithful
adults.
I love you
forever and ever amen.