After-Effects

Since the car accident,
life has taken a curve--
I thought life was getting better
actually--
I really did.
The Chiropractor I've been seeing
told me to give the concussion
7-10 days.
I counted down those days
one by one
and was almost to the finish line
until the doc adjusted my neck
in such a way
that all symptoms returned.

SO I went to a neurologist,
and my Internist
who has prescribed a
Catscan tomorrow.
I can't recall all the amount of information
that these docs have given me--
Diana went with me to the appts so she knows,
but what I can remember is that
it's gonna be alot longer than 7-10 days.
Boo.
There's some kind of concern about a lesion on my brain.
Nice, hunh?
I wonder how the 17 year old texting kid who hit me
going 45 mph is feeling these days?

I haven't been up to going to work again
since the accident.
Heck, I haven't even made my bed
in recent days
because I've been in it.
The brain injury has made me feel different emotions--
as I told my doctor
I feel Super-Emotional just under the surface.
(I would actually wear a shirt that has a big SE on it,
just to warn people.)
I know understand how people's personalities change
significantly with a brain injury...
first off, I'm tired all the time.
And I'm Impatient...whining sets me off.
And I do not like having to ask or say something
more than once--
which isn't good when there's still kids and teens at home.
Noise aggravates me.
I'm cranky--a lot.
Light bothers my eyes...
so even "a day in the sunshine" is uncomfortable.
And I tears well-up without warning.
See? It's weird.

My thoughts and sentences come out like I'm speaking morse-code--
everything's all choppy and slow.
Thank goodness for spell-check.

There are things that I haven't blogged about
because my brain is not working:
My friends gave me a 50th birthday party.
Joseph turned 12 and rec'd the Aaronic Preisthood.
Diana's home.  Or did I already share that?
Yeah, she's home and
wishing she was back
on the West side of the Rockies
because of a boy whose already forgotten about her
because the ratio of girls to boys over there is something like
250:1.
That's been fun.
Not.
Dean was removed from the Host Home he's been in since last January
because the HHP was found guilty of neglect.
I just found all this out on Friday.
I was very emotional about that--
I hate that he had to move again because of stupid people.
I know it's disruptive to his life and he has no control over that.
The former HHP (host home Provider) called me all upset right after Dean
was removed from their house--
this is the same man who, when I asked if they could meet me half-way with Dean
so we could have more time with him here,
told me "It's not worth my time and money."--
this guy wanted me to force the agency to put Dean back into their home.
Can you believe that?
Seriously.
I got this call between Dr's appointments--
so all I could say is "I'll get back to you."
when what I wanted to say is,
"Why on earth would I force Dean back into your home?  Your wife admitted that she'd neglected him for 2 weeks to make a point to the agency so you guys would get more money?!!!  It's not worth my time and money, dude. You're lucky I don't press charges."


But I didn't say any of that.
I just hung up and cried thinking about Dean
going to a total stranger's house that day
with zero warning.

His case worker called a few hours later to tell me
the move went fine and Deano was "ecstatic" (her word)
with his new place.
The husband is a Deputy Sheriff (I think--some kind of cop),
and the wife is...shoot, can't remember what she does.
Anyway, Dean's fascination with policeman was stirred
and when I spoke to him yesterday,
he didn't sound "ecstatic" at all,
but disoriented and quiet.
I keep telling myself that he was probably distracted by something
while talking to me and when we see him over thanksgiving this week,
I'll know more.

All of this has forced me to look heavenward for answers.

Dean is known by his Shepherd.
This life is not a carnival ride for Dean--
he too, must have lessons and experiences he needs
for whatever reasons,
to gain what he can from this Life.
Heavenly Father has tailored specific lessons
just for Dean and will not leave him alone for even an instant
as he travels through this mortal existance.
Knowing this gives my mother-heart peace.

As for my brain crap,
well there's gotta be a reason for it.
Maybe it's to slow my "running-around-like-chicken-with-its-head-cut-off" self
down...
cu'z that's certainly happened.
Maybe it's to get my focus more focused
on the really important things in life--
I'm easily distracted (squirrel!).

I don't really know why or what the reason is
behind this mess,
but I do know that my patriarchal blessing says
I will be blessed with a keen mind and be able to recall important things.
I'm claiming that blessing as mine all mine.
I'm claiming it and clinging to it.
That's what's keeping me sane through this.

Today, Joseph is passing the sacrament for the first time
and he'll be sitting up on the stand with the Bishop.
He got a haircut and a new suit last night,
so he'll look all holy up there in front of God and everyone.
Shoot, I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

I've re-read this post through to make corrections,
but I'm sure I've missed as many as I've caught,
so your patience is appreciated.
Feel free to correct me in the comments,
I won't be offended...
heck, I probably won't remember
but there you have it.

Oh, yeah--one more thing:
If you are having a thanksgiving dinner this week,
will you take pictures of your sacred dinner table
with your family all around
and hold onto that photo for me?
I've got a small project going on
and will tell you more later!
(My one ounce of creativity is bursting through! yea!)