Hawaii, Disney World or Surgery?

YOu say potahto
I say potato.
I've been reading about all the fun Spring Break trips
everyone I know has been taking--
even my good friends took off
one for California, Vegas and Phoenix
the other to her time share in Pagosa Springs,CO.
Still, others have taken off for the shores of Hawaii,
the lines of Disney World,
the beaches of the Caribbean and other exotic places.

Me?
Well, I decided it was a good time to schedule a medical procedure.
You know, kick back and let others wait on me hand n' foot.
None of that waiting in line stuff,
or packing the car or a suitcase with a weeks' worth of stuff.
Pfft.
That is not how I roll, peeps.

No, I wanted to have complete rest
and at this moment,
while I am propped up in bed,
with toast, juice, an granny smith apple,
and drugs at my bedside
the most I have to lift today is
the remote control for the TV.
Plus, I get to hog the laptop.
Win-Win here.

Room service is great,
but bed service rocks in its own way too.

So, what did I have done?
Nothing fancy.
And while it was a personal issue,
I am astounded at how many women I know
who've either had the procedure themselves
or know someone who has--
it's called  (wait lemme get my hospital papers to make sure)--
Nonresectoscopic Endometrial Ablation.
It's basically a Barbecue inside your uterus,
and it's supposed to be better than a hysterectomy
for the issues my body's been having.

I had the procedure done at St. Francis Medical Center
in Colorado Springs
and I have to say the staff there were excellent.
I would recommend it to anyone.
I've attended births there as a doula,
but never been there as a patient.
It didn't have a lap pool,
but I'd still give 5 stars.

The surgery was done as out-patient.
I checked in at 10:28am
and was home by 2:30pm.
The actual procedure, I'm told is less than five minutes long.
But you go under a general anethesia--
(if it were proper to claim the anesthesiologist as my new BFF, I totally would.)
and that was simple.
I laid down on the operating table,
calmly talking to my doctor,
and she says,
"Are you ready?"
I said yes
and then said something like,
"things are getting dizzy."
I didn't hear her response.

Then before I knew it,
it was an hour later
and I was under lovely warm blankets in recovery
with my attending nurse, Jen.
I opened my eyes and looked at the clock,
then closed them for what I thought was just a second,
but was actually 40 minutes later.
There was some cramping, which I was told to expect,
but that's the great thing about hospitals,
they have all kinds of drugs to make your pain go away
lickety-split.

The nurse gave me a "sniff"(her words, I didn't actually sniff anything.)--of fentanyl (sp?),
which was enough to take my pain down to a 0.
Mr. Wonderful came in at some point,
I don't remember when,
but he was all mushy and sweet.

I told him beforehand that if I died in surgery for any reason,
that I have a pact with Nan and Kelly
and they should be allowed into the house before anyone else in the Relief Society,
so my reputation would be saved,
and they'd make sure my underwear drawer was straightened up,
as well as my closet
and there'd be no dishes in the sink.
Also, when Ari asked me what might happen if I died,
(my yahoos are a little dramatic like their momza),
I told her not to worry about it,
because they could have all the candy they wanted at the funeral,
and don't worry about me,
because I'd be on my way to Italy and then Hawaii
like I've always wanted to go.

There is something so wrong about that.


Anyway,
I didn't get to go on a free vacation to Hawaii,
but I did get to take a little vay-cay to the local hospital
and have trained professionals ask me how I was doing
about every 10 minutes--
they put leg compression things on me
so I felt like I was getting a massage,
they fed me ice water from a straw--
heck, I didn't even have to hold the cup!
I got free graham crackers at the end.
Oh and some fuzzy little socks as a party favor.
I even got a free ride in a wheelchair out to the car!
I'm livin' life large, I tell ya.

N' right now, the house is empty,
and here I sit.
All alone with absolutely no plans at all today.
None.
I am not expected to do a dang thing.
A vacation if there ever was one.
Before Diana left for work,
she brought up a banana and two clementines--
"just in case" the toast, juice and apple doesn't cut it.

Can't get that kinda service anywhere else I tell ya.

I just remembered something from the recovery room--
the nurse Jen, had stepped away for a moment
and all of a sudden I got emotional--
little tears fell down my cheeks--
when she came back in and asked how I was,
I told her I felt
"emotional" and asked if that was normal.
She answered "yes--that's a normal response to the anesthesia."
And asked, "You just feel like sobbing buckets-full? That's completely normal. Are you in pain?"
I thought for a moment and said,
"No, not in pain. Not buckets full. I feel grateful."

I do. I am.
I have much to be grateful for, ya know?


p.s. typos will not be corrected today beyond what I've already done. Hey, I'm on vacation.