Making It Stick: The Lessons We Learn Together

Daisie is a senior in high school.
She is, in fact, my 5th senior so far.
And while I'm not a novice at being the mother of a senior in high school,
I'm still not perfect at this place in life.
Which says something about me, I'm sure,
but thinking on it requires more effort than I am
committed to expending today.
This girl o' mine is complex,
as all other teenage girls are at this age.
She alternately amazes and confuses me.
One day she rises from her basement bedroom
ready for school,
on time,
dressed to the nines,
hair curled and shiny,
happy, alert, and engaging.
The next day
she requires a bit of tugging (aka "yelling" down the stairwell)
to get up and get going.
She rises to the top of the stairs in
what appears to be pj's,
or at the very least,
clothing that looks like they've been slept in--
wrinkly, anyway,
hair pulled back in a ponytail,
no makeup,
and communicating as though
she just rolled out
of the Stone Age.

She also has a job this year.
We encourage and facilitate our seniors to have part-time jobs
to get them ready for the real world of juggling college
and working
while they still have the comfort and support of home.
And yes, it means more work for me
as I drive them back n' forth to work
because we also don't buy our yahoos' cars while they're in HS.
Mainly because we know our yahoo's inability to say to their peers,
"I'm sorry, but I am not allowed to give you a ride in my car. I haven't had my license long enough.
My mother would kill me if I got in an accident and died. You'll have to find another way home,
even though you live across the street from me and you are obviously in despair. No. I cannot help you out."

We know our kids,
because they are just like us
and they would break the "No Passenger for the 1st six months" rule
just like we did, as rotten teenagers.

So we take that situation off the table
by never putting it on there.
Once the yahoos are out of High School,
their social situation changes
and it's a better time for the responsibility of car ownership
and we help them find a good used car to buy
with their very own money.

Ok, SO.
Daisie.
Because she works M-F after school,
her only home chores are dishes on the weekend.
Hey, it STILL takes a family to take care of a family
around here,
even if she is a senior and is working...
everyone contributes where they are able.
This is not a hotel
where our older yahoos simply sleep, shower and sometimes eat at...
unless they're willing and able to pay hotel fees.

Well,
sometimes she wants to skip out on her weekend dishes--
due to plans with friends or whatever,
so she has to find a substitute aka "kid sister or brother who wants 10 bucks"
to do her dishes for her.
And sometimes, no amount of money will buy that substitute dishwasher.
Joseph has been known to say, "Hey. I can't be bought."

This gets tiring, if you're the Momza around here
and waking up to a sink of dirty dishes makes me cranky.

So here's my parenting tip for the day that I'm sharing:
This is what I say:
"Daisie, if you don't do the dishes today,
I will not facilitate your life tomorrow."

In our world,
that means
she ain't going nowhere til' she's done her part.

Testing my resolve on Sunday,
she left pots n' pans in the sink overnight to
"soak"--fyi, I hate that excuse.
And there they were, come Monday morning,
"soaking" in the sink
as she surfaced bright n' shiny,
ready to go to school.
"Do you have people that are coming in later this morning to finish your dishes,
 that I don't know about?" I asked.
Her eyes widened.
We'll leave when the sink is empty." I said.
"Whaaa? Seriously?  I'll be late." She replied.
"Yeah, you will."
{Heavy sigh.}
"Gimme a minute." she said.

Seven minutes later, we are in the car,
on the way to school.
And I was happy.
We didn't dwell on the lesson,
we just chatted about the rest of the day
and got on with it.
I love her. I want her to be happy and enjoy success.
I also want her to keep grounded in family and what it means
to be part of a family.

Some lessons stink on ice.
They're inconveniant and no dang fun at the time.
But seriously,
the lessons will be learned one way or another
and we're both better off learning them sooner than later, right?

We're in this together,
this parenting-child deal.
I've got to keep learning my part
and she's learning hers.
I think we'll come out on the other side of this
A-Okay.