It's Not My Dog

When my oldest daughter was a teenager
she possessed an impressionable heart.
It more resembled a thick absorbent sponge,
soaking up every bit of emotion, concern, despair or worry
that it came upon...
even when it wasn't hers.

If a friend or acquaintance had problems,
girlfriend would let all that negative energy
just wiggle itself down into her bones
until it was good n' wedged.

Doing this isn't healthy.
I saw what was going on with her,
and wanting to give her perspective
I came up with this metaphor.

It is natural and healthy to be concerned about your own dog.
It is your responsibility and privilege to be the dog's guardian.
You will want to be sure to feed your dog and protect your dog.
It's normal to care and even, at appropriate times,
worry about the safety and well-being of your dog.
If your dog suffers and even dies,
you'll be right in mourning over the loss.

However,
it is contrary to worry in the same way over your neighbor's dog.
You can support your neighbor's decision to have a dog,
by being kind to the animal
and being aware of it,
but your responsibility ends there.
Compassionate, Yes.
Consumed, No.

So we coined a phrase when she was younger
based on this little parable:
"It's not my dog."
This phrase has been repeated many times
in our home to reel ourselves back in,
when we need to remember that everyone
has their free agency to choose for themselves.
And we are not in charge of other people's agency.
It is not our privilege nor our responsibility to step-in and
remove our friends' free agency,
even when we think their choices are unwise, foolish or unproductive.
We can give counsel when asked,
we can give support when needed,
but other than that,
it's not our dog to worry about.

What's some advice that you've shared in your family?