Patience Rewarded

Faith is its' own reward.
Holding onto faith when the reward is not evident
is the test of faith.
Staying in the boat of "faith"
even  especially when the seas of uncertainty threaten with fear and destruction
is critical to proving one's faith.
Faith in the belief of God's existence, bare-bones, cut-to-the-core kind of faith.
As in,
Is He real?
Does He know me?
Will He protect me?
Can-I-trust-Him-to-take-care-of-the-things-I-cannot-take-care-of?
kind of faith.
The real deal kind of faith.

We've been going through some tough trials this past year, one month and 7 days
as my husband was laid-off work and has been unemployed since then.
I cannot tell the amount of tearful prayers I have offered--
so many more than the actual number of days and nights.
Fasting and praying too.

What have I learned?
Well, everytime I prayed for a job that Kent was interviewing for,
I got more opportunities to work.
Seriously.
Doing things I could already do--like home staging--
but also opportunities to learn new things like
fresh floral weddings and watercolor home portraits and temples
and even illustrating a book!
Truly, it has been the weirdest thing and in perspective, I see God's purpose in the way my prayers were answered.

In keeping me busy, I could more easily endure the trial.

I had reasons to keep going when I wasn't sure I could--

creativity kept depression at bay and pulled these small hidden talents out of me

like a refiner's fire.

As the trial demanded patience,

I have learned how to endure patiently.

And it's not like I thought it was--

there's a difference between going to Heavenly Father and saying

"Help me to see what you want me to see and thus this trial will be removed."

AND

"Help me to have the strength to endure this trial no matter what it costs. I surrender to your will, Father."

I don't know if I even explained this difference of understanding well enough,

but the truth is, I have learned for myself the essence of patiently waiting on the Lord.

I surrendered to His will, earnestly, without reserve or condition. I simply let my own will slide away into nothing and focused solely on being a better, quieter, more still, daughter of God.

There is peace in that process I have not felt in my life in a long long time.

I have had moments where I needed to declare outloud:

"I will not be moved."

"I will stay in the boat. I am lashed to the boat."

"I am curious enough to see what happens at the end, rather than quit now."

I said those words outloud, and I listened to myself.  I trusted in my faith--

the faith I have nurtured and built over a lifetime--

I leaned into it and trusted that I had made the right decision a long time ago

to follow Christ.

Two years ago,

I shared in a blog about my feelings of moving to the Pacific Northwest.

Last December, we came awfully close as my sweetheart was offered a job in Corvallis, Oregon--

only to have it rescinded in the 11th hour.

It's seven months later and just this week, another job offer is on the table for a different company

in Eugene, Oregon.

It feels right.

It feels scary.

I am torn between screaming off the rooftop that our trial is over

and sobbing that I am leaving my beloved Pikes Peak mountain--

of which I freely admit, I am codependent upon.

What makes this week different is that two nights ago,

our wonderful home teachers came over--one of whom is our Stake Patriarch--

he's been our home teacher since Joseph was in 3rd grade. 

Joseph will be a senior (12th grade) this next month.

To say we love our hometeacher is an understatement.  He's our friend. He's family.

So two nights ago, he and his companion came to visit us

and after their lesson they asked if we needed anything else...being fully aware of our circumstances.

Kent asked for a priesthood blessing before he heads to Oregon this week.

The Spirit was so completely present as they pronounced a blessing upon him--

and left no doubt that we will be moving to Oregon.

Hugs and tears of gratitude flowed between us all

as we felt the great relief and reward of faith, patience and trust in God's plan for us

was extended.

This has been a long, difficult trial--combined with other challenges all through out it as well--

and I can say that on this side of it-- I have learned that patience in the Lord is worth what it costs.

Stay in the boat. Lash yourselves to it. Be patient in the process. Lean into your faith and trust in God's power and plan for your life. Surrender your will and be still. God will show you the way through your trials and your faith will be rewarded.