The Journey of Memory Loss

I was standing in the kitchen last night,
preparing veggies for burritos
we were having for dinner.
Something needed to be warmed up--
oh it was the tomato-basil tortillas--
and I pointed to IT--
the square, black box on the opposite counter--
"Put them in there", I pointed.
The name of the black box wasn't coming to my lips--
"a microwave"
"a microwave"
floated around my rolodex-brain
but I just couldn't grab ahold of it
and bring it to my mouth,
so I described and pointed for my son to follow
my directions.
He looked up at me,
and without a doubt,
tossed the tortillas in the microwave and hit
"Start".

I felt a pang in my body,
as I do often these days
when words run thru my brain
ricocheting around like a pinball machine.
The many tests I've gone thru have revealed nothing.
The Neurologist warned me that tests often fail
when it comes to memory-loss.
I do know what triggers my "blank moments"--
lack of sleep,
being over-tired,
pushing myself beyond the ten o'clock bedtime.
I tried to ignore the fact that
last weekend while I was at the Casual Bloggers Conference
I stayed up past 1am the first night
and 11:30pm the next--
getting less than 6 hours of sleep.
I thought I could sneak that time away
for me to visit and laugh with friends
and perhaps my brain wouldn't notice.
But it did.

Dani and the Golden child are staying with us
for the summer
while Mr. Idaho is way down in Texas doing
an internship with Conoco-Philips.
I got up with the baby night before last
six times
that's every two hours
because the baby isn't used to sleeping
at Granma's house.
I wondered if that would affect my health.
It does.
I hate that it does.

On Sunday night the phone rang.
It was my youngest brother, Keir
calling from Georgia.
"Ya sitting down?" he asked.
"What's going on? Where's Dad?" I replied.
"Well, I'm on my way to get him. We left Sally's car (Keir's gf) with Pops this morning
because he said he wanted to go to Walmart and get some sausage for breakfast.
We were headed out to the Lake with the kids, and planned on stopping back by to pick up Pops
on the way back for Abi's birthday party. So we told him how to get to the Walmart--it's just down the street from his place, and he never made it back.  We called the highway patrol in three counties, and all the hospitals.  We've been looking for him all day, since we got back from the Lake.  We just got a call a few minutes ago from a Police Department -- four hours away in Alabama.  Dad got lost and drove for four hours
and ran outta gas.  He left his cell phone at his house and spent his money at Walmart.  He was trying to sell cookies he'd bought at Walmart to a police man to get some gas money.  So they found Sally's registration in her car, and called her.  We're on our way to get Pops. And he is never driving again. Never."

I was more than emotional.  It was after 11pm in Georgia. Dad had to be worn-out and worried.
I told Keir to call me when they got Dad.
I said a prayer as soon as we hung up.
Monday, my Dad called.
"Hello Princess."--that's what he's called me since I was a child.
"Hey Daddy, how are you?"
His typical ages-old response of "If I was any better, I couldn't stand it" was not there.
"I got lost. Keir came and got me though. I'm okay.  I don't have a car anymore."
"Yes, I know. Was that scary for you? Were you worried?"
"No. I'm fine. The policeman was nice. Keir says he's gonna get me a car soon."
"Daddy, I was worried about you. I'm glad to hear you're okay. I don't think you need a car. If you need something, Keir will help, k?"
"Okay, Girl. Bye."
~~~
I called Keir. He filled me in on the details from the night before:
When he got to the Alabama Police Station, Dad was sleeping.
He'd messed himself. But was very happy to see Keir.
The officers told Keir that they'd had EMT's check Dad out
when they realized he was lost and had dementia.
They recommended Dad never drive again.
Keir is looking at putting Dad into an assisted-care facility.
Finally.
That's what I've been pulling for all along,
but Keir didn't think it was necessary.
Until he had to drive eight hours round-trip
to retrieve him.
How grateful I am that my little brother is there
for our dad.

So what affect is this on Me?
Besides that I'm worried about my Dad,
I know his journey is one I have a ticket on too--
 when I can't remember a word
or a name
or a place
a day
I know it's just the beginning
of a long, increasingly, dark
sunset.
And that freaks me out a little.
But, it's 8:19am on a Thursday
and it's a beautiful Colorado morning
the yahoos are up--
the Caboose is making herself a smoothie
with strawberries and spinach,
Boofus is talking to Baby G
whose ready for sometime with Granma.
No time to fret in this house.
Not today.

Gotta make hay while the sun shines...
I'm off to spend the first day of summer
with my yahoos...
and I'm not quitting until the sun goes down.

*p.s. don't forget to Enter the Giveaway

http://momza.blogspot.com/2010/05/artist-nathan-sharp-giveaway.html