The Journey of Memory Loss

I was standing in the kitchen last night,
preparing veggies for burritos
we were having for dinner.
Something needed to be warmed up--
oh it was the tomato-basil tortillas--
and I pointed to IT--
the square, black box on the opposite counter--
"Put them in there", I pointed.
The name of the black box wasn't coming to my lips--
"a microwave"
"a microwave"
floated around my rolodex-brain
but I just couldn't grab ahold of it
and bring it to my mouth,
so I described and pointed for my son to follow
my directions.
He looked up at me,
and without a doubt,
tossed the tortillas in the microwave and hit
"Start".

I felt a pang in my body,
as I do often these days
when words run thru my brain
ricocheting around like a pinball machine.
The many tests I've gone thru have revealed nothing.
The Neurologist warned me that tests often fail
when it comes to memory-loss.
I do know what triggers my "blank moments"--
lack of sleep,
being over-tired,
pushing myself beyond the ten o'clock bedtime.
I tried to ignore the fact that
last weekend while I was at the Casual Bloggers Conference
I stayed up past 1am the first night
and 11:30pm the next--
getting less than 6 hours of sleep.
I thought I could sneak that time away
for me to visit and laugh with friends
and perhaps my brain wouldn't notice.
But it did.

Dani and the Golden child are staying with us
for the summer
while Mr. Idaho is way down in Texas doing
an internship with Conoco-Philips.
I got up with the baby night before last
six times
that's every two hours
because the baby isn't used to sleeping
at Granma's house.
I wondered if that would affect my health.
It does.
I hate that it does.

On Sunday night the phone rang.
It was my youngest brother, Keir
calling from Georgia.
"Ya sitting down?" he asked.
"What's going on? Where's Dad?" I replied.
"Well, I'm on my way to get him. We left Sally's car (Keir's gf) with Pops this morning
because he said he wanted to go to Walmart and get some sausage for breakfast.
We were headed out to the Lake with the kids, and planned on stopping back by to pick up Pops
on the way back for Abi's birthday party. So we told him how to get to the Walmart--it's just down the street from his place, and he never made it back.  We called the highway patrol in three counties, and all the hospitals.  We've been looking for him all day, since we got back from the Lake.  We just got a call a few minutes ago from a Police Department -- four hours away in Alabama.  Dad got lost and drove for four hours
and ran outta gas.  He left his cell phone at his house and spent his money at Walmart.  He was trying to sell cookies he'd bought at Walmart to a police man to get some gas money.  So they found Sally's registration in her car, and called her.  We're on our way to get Pops. And he is never driving again. Never."

I was more than emotional.  It was after 11pm in Georgia. Dad had to be worn-out and worried.
I told Keir to call me when they got Dad.
I said a prayer as soon as we hung up.
Monday, my Dad called.
"Hello Princess."--that's what he's called me since I was a child.
"Hey Daddy, how are you?"
His typical ages-old response of "If I was any better, I couldn't stand it" was not there.
"I got lost. Keir came and got me though. I'm okay.  I don't have a car anymore."
"Yes, I know. Was that scary for you? Were you worried?"
"No. I'm fine. The policeman was nice. Keir says he's gonna get me a car soon."
"Daddy, I was worried about you. I'm glad to hear you're okay. I don't think you need a car. If you need something, Keir will help, k?"
"Okay, Girl. Bye."
~~~
I called Keir. He filled me in on the details from the night before:
When he got to the Alabama Police Station, Dad was sleeping.
He'd messed himself. But was very happy to see Keir.
The officers told Keir that they'd had EMT's check Dad out
when they realized he was lost and had dementia.
They recommended Dad never drive again.
Keir is looking at putting Dad into an assisted-care facility.
Finally.
That's what I've been pulling for all along,
but Keir didn't think it was necessary.
Until he had to drive eight hours round-trip
to retrieve him.
How grateful I am that my little brother is there
for our dad.

So what affect is this on Me?
Besides that I'm worried about my Dad,
I know his journey is one I have a ticket on too--
 when I can't remember a word
or a name
or a place
a day
I know it's just the beginning
of a long, increasingly, dark
sunset.
And that freaks me out a little.
But, it's 8:19am on a Thursday
and it's a beautiful Colorado morning
the yahoos are up--
the Caboose is making herself a smoothie
with strawberries and spinach,
Boofus is talking to Baby G
whose ready for sometime with Granma.
No time to fret in this house.
Not today.

Gotta make hay while the sun shines...
I'm off to spend the first day of summer
with my yahoos...
and I'm not quitting until the sun goes down.

*p.s. don't forget to Enter the Giveaway

http://momza.blogspot.com/2010/05/artist-nathan-sharp-giveaway.html

Twilight Years & My Dad Part 2

Spoke to my brother Keir tonight.
He has a plan.
After a long day with our Dad,
he sat Dad down and laid it all out--
he said
"take a good look around you, Dad
because this is your last day here.
Pack up your important things
because tomorrow,
you're moving.
I'm gonna leave you here one more night
(because my Dad wouldn't leave there today),
but come tomorrow,
you will leave this place."

Keir said he had to repeat it a few times,
until he thought Dad understood him.
Keir said,
"I even used you Sis, I hope you don't mind.
I told him 'Dad, if you don't come with me,
Dawn's coming to Georgia,
and you don't want her to come here
and see you like this.'"

So that's when Dad nodded his head
and Keir thinks he made the point.

So yeah, Keir's moving Dad to
Georgia
closer to him
in a nice apartment
near his work
so he can check up on Dad
and make sure he's doing okay.

I'm ready to go whenever he wants me to,
so we'll see...
I can't wait to hear that Dad's moved out
of that situation.
I feel optimistic tonight.
We've made some progress today.

Thanks to everyone for your encouraging words.

Twilight Years and My Dad

I've been on the phone for days now,
trying to get my elderly father into
"the system"
for his own good.

My brother who lives closest to Dad
is helping on the physical side of things
as much as he can.

I arranged weeks ago
for my Dad to receive food
from
Meals on Wheels
because I'd heard he wasn't eating right,
and Dad calls me every Monday to let me know
he's received it.
So that was good,
but we're a long ways from being where we
want to be.

This is what I know
from talking to a Senior Solutions specialist,
Jennifer--
my dad's hot water heater is out
he turned off his own water because
the hot water heater was leaking
so much
that the flooring in his trailer is rotted out.
My dad is dehydrated,
and has dementia.
My brother tried to take Dad
to a doctor's appointment,
that I set up,
but once he got there,
it was discovered that Dad declined
full coverage on Medicare/aid.

The nurses at the Doctor's office
suggested my brother take my Dad
to an ER
because of his state of being.

I have been on the phone most of the morning--
since 5:30AM my time,
7:30AM SC time
trying to piece all of this together
so I can direct my brother
to the proper authorities.

He's been calling me between stops
and we're sharing and comparing
whatever information we have...
I keep thinking there's got to be
an easier way to do this!
So many businesses have their fingers
in the care of elderly
but you have to know who to talk to first
to get the ball rolling.

Last stop was the Dept of Social Security--
Jennifer says Dad should qualify for
emergency placement
thru
Adult Protective Services
because of his living conditions
and poor health.
That was a half an hour ago.
I'm praying that it's the last stop
at the right place
so my Dad can get the care he needs
today.
Today.
Because the thought of him living like this
is awful.
If you knew my Dad at all,
you'd know this is not who he is.
He was the most vain man
I've ever met--
his clothes were always pressed,
his hair in place--
he was a legend in his own mind,
a "lady's man".

Jennifer said Dad even tried to
"hit on" her yesterday
when she visited with him.
We both laughed at that--
so typical of him.
He's nearly 70 years old
and he's still coming on to women.
Hearing that, actually made me feel better--
he's still got that in him
so he's not totally lost inside his world.

What does society do with the Elderly
in our communities?
Not the ones living on fat pensions
who drive their RV's all over the world
and spend their kids' inheritance--
but the ones like my dad
who have nothing left because his dementia
went un-noticed or un-diagnosed for so long
too long
until whatever he did have
is gone.
What happens to these people?

I am ready to go to SC
at a moments' notice--
but I want to go when I can
help my dad move
and get settled into a new place--
there seems to be a whole lot of steps before that
can happen.
I'm grateful that my brother is there
right now,
forging the path to that end.
He says I won't recognize my father.
He's a shell of what he used to be.

I am nervous about seeing Dad...
his ego was as big as the steaks he ordered...
so big and full of himself
when I was a child.
Whenever I talk to him on the phone
he is like a child.

I thought this would've been easier
that I would've been there and back by now--
I hope so much that we're on the right path
today.
My Dad deserves that much,
even tho he tells me and Jennifer and the other social worker, Shannon
that he's going to hell because he was a horrible husband and father.
I told him that he's not going to hell,
and he doesn't need to think that way.

It's odd to hear him speak ill about his own self.
He never did before.
He was always right.
Always.
Shannon said it's common to hear elderly people
speak about themselves in a critical light--
it's a time of reckoning for some
in the twilight of their years.

LATER:

IN a twist of events I didn't see coming,
my father declined every offer of help
today.
He refused every attempt for
insurance
medical care
residential relocation
all of it.

And now I have to go the route
of having him declared incompetent
for his own safety.
I tried to talk to him,
coax him into letting those there
help him--
even offerring to fly down there
immediately
and he refused.

Now What?