What's so Good about being a Parent Anyway??

So I'm reading the news headlines and come across this story, maybe you've read it too, about the Dad who was arrested because he was trying to sell his teenage daughter for a case of beer. (I didn't read the story, just the headline.)
I was utterly disgusted about it. Really, I was. Then, and this is embarassing, I admit--while the missionaries were teaching Taylow tonight about eternal families...somehow we got the giggles--I think it started because someone made a crack about wanting eternal families, but not so much when our sweet children become teenagers! And before I knew it, I shared the headline about the dad selling his teenager for a case of beer. Okay yeah, it was repugnant, preposterous, and a disgusting reality...but in my head, at that moment, I laughed and said "My kids are WORTH so much more than a case of beer! I'd want at least a new car for Nana!"

Then, I was reading a Book Review for " No Kids: 40 Reasons for Not Having Children" by french author Corrinne Maier. The author, a mother herself, sited some of her reasons for not having children: Some include: "childbirth is torture, children will destroy your time and your freedom, and you will inevitably be disappointed by your child."

Then the reveiwer shared her reasons for having her own children:
"What makes people interesting is what they endure. Pain. Fear. Sadness. Disappointment. Loss. All these things parents will endure in varying degrees throughout their lifetime and that of their child.Does parenting bring great joy? It certainly can. But there is never a guarantee that the joy will outweigh the pain. To be a parent is to introduce an excruciating element of risk into your life. It is to create something that can either elevate you or completely destroy you.
And she ended with this:
"It has to do with a Chinese proverb that my father often quotes: Don’t pray for a happy life, pray for an interesting one.And so in answer to Ms Maier’s book of witty and spot-on reasons why you shouldn’t have children, I will offer just one reason why you should have children.Because it will make your life more interesting."

So all of this got me to thinking. What would I say are the Pros and Cons of being a Mother?

So here's a short list of Cons:

*I haven't slept in since 1983.

*My waistline disappeared after baby #6 and hasn't been seen since. My waist used to be shaped like an hour-glass but now resembles a goldfish bowl.

*I've spent more money on toys than I have on anything I ever wanted. Collectively, that is, only to be told by my subordinates that "there's nothing to do."

*My heart walks outside of my body at all times. And sometimes, it gets in cars with other teenagers who don't buckle up or drive the speed limit. And other times, it doesn't look when crossing the street. And there's nothing I can do about it.

*I'm "on alert" 24/7...ready with a bandaid, a hug, a lap, a teary eye, whatever.

*My cellphone is nothing more than a ball on an invisible chain. I cannot leave the house more than 10 minutes without it ringing:''Hello?" "Mom?" "Yeah?" "Where are you?" "I'm at Albertsons/WalMart/Costco/Target--didn't you ask [someone at home] where I was?" "When are you coming back?" "Well, let's see, it's um 4 o'clock Tuesday right now...yeah, I'm lookin' at Thursday of next week. Be good, don't play with scissors or knives, change your underwear, brush your teeth, and stay out of the fridge until I get back, ok?"

*Oh, and I never get the last glass of juice. Or the last cookie. Last anything. But there's always a single drop of juice left in the container, in the fridge. And for reasons only aliens understand, a half of a cookie is left in the package on the pantry shelf.

*When I go to the above Stores...I have to ask Myself, OUTLOUD: "What day is it" What's my name?" when filling out a check.

Those are just a few of my CONS.

Now onto the PROS of Motherhood:

*Having 7 children, six of whom are expected to grow into mature, responsible (there's still some mystery about a few) adults, I figure I have a one-in-six chance of not being put in an Old Folks' home.

*My bread never turns moldy, nor does the milk go sour. It doesn't last that long.

*I don't have to EVER ask for extra cash at the check-out. My kids smell cash on me like a bear after hibernation smells--smells--well, smells anything edible.

*I get to drive a big honkin' '02 Suburban with 9 passenger seating and yell at other drivers in the guise of protecting my "life's treasures" (aka kiddos)...and feel totally justified. Whereas, if I drove a sporty lil coupe, I would feel guilty and have to repent.

*I'm never alone. Ever. "cept in the bathroom. (wait, is this on the right list?)

*My teenage daughters tell me if I'm dressing like a "granny" or if I'm lookin' "super frumpy" to the point that they send me back to my room to change clothing, so I don't embarass myself. Or is it so I don't embarass them?

*Ok ok, I got a few more good ones: I'm more patient. Less selfish. I can cook enough food for a small country. I know all the words to the book, "Love You Forever" by heart. I can sing "eensy weensy spider" when I am dead-tired, on my feet, rocking back and forth in the middle of the night. I can find tiny little people shoes so fast I should be listed in the Guiness World Record book. In fact, my uterus is a tracking device, just as that kinda yucky comedienne, Rosanne, says it is. I know all the Episodes of He-Man, Carebears, Sailor Moon, Sesame Street from 1983-2003, Barney songs, Bear in the Big Blue House, Blues Clues, She-Ra, and all the Spice Girls songs. Plus, as the TV says, MUCH MUCH MORE!

* I can take a shower, wash and dry my hair and get fully dressed in a half hour. Sometimes, it must be noted, I may have forgotten to put on my bra before my shirt, or my slip or walked out the door in my houseslippers or even forgotten to put mascara on BOTH eyes before I leave--but hey- I'm out the door, and that's all I'm saying.

* I can change diapers with my eyes closed.

* I can say "NO" in different languages.

* I can cook dinner, listen to a child practice piano, while another child reads to me outloud, take a phone call about Scouts, unload the dishwasher, and toss in a load of laundry simultaneously. Booyah!

* I can text b/c I have teenagers.

* I can see blood, urine, vomit, spit-up (baby vomit), and poop and not actually gag.

* My child can say "MOM" 50 different ways and I can tell what they're feelin' or what they're after.

So there you have it. A short view into my otherwise un-INTERESTING LIFE. My kids do make me more interesting. They are the legacy I will leave behind. My life's work. And whatever it costs to make their lives worthwhile is worth the cost. They have taught me more about my strengths and weaknesses than a new car ever could.

Don't tell my kids how good I've got it, k?

Shanks.

What about you? Is your kid worth a Ford or a years' supply of diet Pepsi? Share your thoughts!