Pushing a teenager is like pushing a Train...

In keeping this real, I love to share what I've learned as a Mom, sometimes just writing things out helps me to see things clearer so I can continue to be a better Mom. This is my latest adventure in motherhood. So here goes:

In my role as a Mom to teenagers, I see myself more as a cheerleader, a support-person, really.
They are the ones driving the "train" that is their life, and I see myself as one who is at the end, giving all I have to push them along without taking control. I want to cheer without nagging.
I'm not always very good at this...my cheer-leader voice sometimes sound more like a drill-Sargent.
"Go! Fight! Win! You Can Do It!" sometimes sounds more like "If You Don't Do Your Part, We're all gonna die!"
"If you don't get good grades, you're gonna end up living in a box down by the river!"
"Work! Work! Work!"
I know none of you has ever done that, but it's true for me.

Going to college is important, we all know that! A successful life in adulthood begins with college. But there is something else to consider when it comes to going to college...timing.
Timing is a large contributor to success at college.
David Scott was so much more "college-minded" after his mission to Montreal, Canada than he was beforehand.
Danielle too, was more focused on college after her time as a Nanny in Europe.
And now we come to Nana. I've been pushing her "college-bound" train so hard, that I didn't notice she got off the train altogether. I was the one pushing the "fill out the forms" train,
and the FAFSA train, and the dorm train. Then when deadlines were barely being met, and some even passed, I wasn't cheering, I was lamenting and grumbling.
Finally, last night, as Mr W and I had a sit-down-serious-conversation with her, the light went on in my head about 20 minutes into it...She isn't upset about missing deadlines. red flag. Mr W was impressed to ask, "Are you feeling ready for college?"
Her lips began to quiver. Ah ha. Okay--we needed to back the train up. She had gone from being the Engineer, to being a Passenger.
The reality of leaving behind all of her friends, and going to a faraway place she's never even visited is hitting her. Letting deadlines and details escape her was her way of hitting the brakes, or just stepping down from her post as Engineer, and I did not notice. I was too busy pushing the train.
So last night, we all stopped, put the Train in Park and got out a "map" of the journey thus far, and started talking about the options she has at her fingertips. She has at least 4, which is great.
She can start school in the Fall--she has been accepted and cleared to go--but she has to talk with a campus counsellor today to get some much-needed direction if that's the path she wants to go; she can be a Nanny for a Year, no problem; she can stay at home and go to the community college and work, or she can just live at home and work...which I think she'd rather poke out her eyes than do, but it's an option.

I've learned that while I was intensely cheering, she was going thru the motions because of feeling pressured to do so--from us, from all of her friends in that "it's just what you do after High School" way. SO when I looked around to see I was the only pushing this train along, I was not a happy cheerleader. I was cranky. Exasperated. Confused. My pom-poms were crushed.

I don't know what she's going to do for sure. I do think she'll be headed off to school this Fall...
that she is having cold feet right now. She wants to be a Teacher--has always wanted to be a Teacher--and I believe she will do what that requires. I don't think she even realized what she doing subconsciously, until last night. We have encouraged her to pray about her feelings and seek guidance from her Heavenly Father. It ended, I hope, on a good note.

Just when I think I've got this "mothering" thing down, I am sharply reminded that, no, there is yet more to learn.

Later today, I am going with Danielle to her ultrasound appointment. I get to bring my pom-poms along for that one.