Stuff Mama Never Told You

1. The day you accept his proposal for marriage, will be the last day you ever think solely about yourself. From there on out, all of your choices including what you will eat, where you'll live, what TV shows you'll watch, and how much milk you buy every week will change.
2. The day after your wedding, you'll wonder why you worried so much over the wedding.
3. The girlfriends that you always had time for, before the wedding, you don't seem to get to see even 1/4 as much as you used to, after the wedding.
4. While eating Cheerios or the Special K diet worked just fine for you as a dinner food, it doesn't work out that way after you're married. You actually have to cook...like with pots and pans. And your mom's spaghetti or pot roast never tasted so good as it does when you visit on Sundays.
5. But don't worry, you get to have cereal for dinner when you get toddlers.
6. The day you discover you're pregnant, isn't always a big celebration. Especially if you're a fertile Myrtle. And it's the 3rd child in two years.
7. But Becoming a Mother gives you special powers that you never knew you had.
8. Baby poop is sticky.
9. Baby spit-up can be projected across the room.
10. You might up-chuck changing a toddlers' diaper.
11. Gerber's Banana Delight is pretty yummy.
12. Breastmilk leaks when you hear a baby cry and it's not yours.
13. Never feed a toddler chili. Just don't.
14. Don't dress your child for the photographer until right before the photoshoot. Ever.
15. And wait to put the bows/ribbons on until right then too. Same goes for little boys' ties, hats, and jackets.
16. Tell the photographer to make sure your 9 year old isn't making a funny face in the sea of faces, before the camera clicks. "Just keep an eye on 'em."
17. Vacations are not all they're cracked up to be. Going to Disneyland as a child is not the same as going as a parent. It can be really stressful. And always more expensive than you planned.
18. Lock the bedroom door.
19. Check it twice.
20. Giggling behind said locked door makes the little ones come running to see what all the fun is.
21. Make sure you have a lock-popper outside the bathroom door. Don't forget to put it back after you use it.
22. Juice boxes are better than juice bags in the hands of little ones.
23. Put up the dog/cat food when your pet is thru with it.
24. Dog/Cat/Rabbit food will not harm your toddler, but whew! on the smell!
25. Pacifiers melt in the dryer.
26. Don't enjoy the peace and quiet coming from a child's bedroom. Check on them. Often.
27. Colored marker doesn't come off the roof of your car.
28. Fruit snacks are hard to get out of hair.
29. You will see more children's movies in your lifetime than you can dream of, and some will give you nightmares.
30. The first time your child writes their own name, you may cry.
31. All the build-up for that first Primary day in Nursery is a let down cuz the baby is gonna cry
the next Sunday for sure if they didn't cry the first one.
32. And you may stand in the hall and have to fight back tears as every fiber in your being wants to go in and pick 'em up!
33. Same thing happens the first day of preschool.
34. And Kindergarten.
35. And first grade.
36. And high school.
37. And the good news is, on those first days, you might get a nap instead of running all those errands you wanted to run while they were gone.
38. Or have uninterrupted computer time.
39. Or just have one less sandwich to make for lunch that day.
40. You may forget to pick up your child/ren from school.
41. And you'll feel like dirt when you see them standing in the school office with the secretary.
42. But that's okay, because there's another kid there too!
43. Unless you're way way late...cuz you totally lost track of time and your cell is dead.
44. Be prepared for a tongue lashing and tears.
45. Ballet shoes are not worth what they cost for little girls. And are often found in the bottom of the toy box.
46. Speaking of toy boxes, kids love it when you go in and organize their toys--so they can pull them all out faster.
47. Boxes are better than toys.
48. Don't buy legos until there are no babies/toddlers left in the house. Just don't.
49. All Barbies look the same when their clothes are off: Naked Blondes.
50. Missing a baby bottle/pacifier/favorite blanket? Check the trash.

SO, that's my top 50--What did I leave out???