Surviving Teenager Number Five

I knew this day
this moment
would come...
it was
inevitable.

Experience taught me well,
I know what to expect
I have learned how
to not just endure
teenagers;
to build up our relationship
instead of walls.

It ain't easy.
I've read so many books on
teenagers
I could write my own.
Patience is the virtue of the hour
these days.
Humor & wit are essential
and life saving...
for us both.

Which reminds me of my oldest:
I could be hopping mad at him,
and he'd say something hilarious--
I'd be in a fit of laughter
and point a finger at him,
"I'm still mad, you're still grounded,
but that was funny!"

Lately the 14 year old has been
Fourteen Years Old--
and very good at it, as Nan says.
I've wanted to throttle her,
Nanny-shake her,
take her to Nebraska and leave her
there--
she has become mouthy
lazy
forgetful
irresponsible--
in short,
a rotten teenager.

Yesterday I didn't have to go to the clinic
till later in the day,
and she had an eye doctor appointment.
I decided to keep her home all day
to spend time with her.
That was in the morning.
But I swear by 10AM
I was already mad--
her bedroom is in the basement
and when I went down to talk to her
discovered that the entire basement
looked like a scene from
Apocalypse!
Nothing had been cleaned since
the kids' sleepovers last weekend!
Blankets everywhere,
toys everywhere,
popcorn,
plates, cups,
candy wrappers
everywhere.

Why? I wondered outloud--
WHY? hadn't this been cleaned up
Saturday morning
or any day since then?
Surely people (her) had seen
the calamity
Surely they (her) knew
it needed to be cleaned up
Surely Surely they (her) expected
I would not be happy
when I wandered down stairs
at some point!!
All she needed to do was
tell me the kids needed to pick up!

ACK!

I called the 14 year old
outta her room
and demanded answers
to all of these questions--
but all I got was a
"it's not my mess." --response.

We got busy and it was clean in 20 minutes.

The ride there was silent.
I knew that if I got started,
nothing positive would come of it,
so I drove quietly.

When we got to our Dr.'s office,
I filled out the forms for her;
one question at the bottom of the form:
IS there anything else the Doctor needs to know?"
I wrote:
"I am a rotten teenager and my Mom wants to sell me to the circus, fyi."
Instantly, I felt better.
The tech at the desk,
a good friend of ours,
just laughed.
The Dr. chuckled when he came out
and got her chart.

By the time we left
with new glasses on her peepers,
she turned to me and said,
"I'm sorry I've been a rotten teenager.
I can't help it. I'm all hormonal n stuff.
this is how teenagers are, Mom. We're weird
n all that. We're s'posed to drive you guys crazy.
I don't mean to, cuz it's no fun, but I can't help it."

Then we had lunch and the rest of the day
was better.

I learned a long time ago a secret about teenagers:
When you least like them,
when everything they say irritates you
and everything you say to them they respond to
with an upward glance or an eye-roll,
when you want to throw up a wall
between you both--
Don't Do It.
Pull them in closer,
Spend More Time With Them.
On Purpose.
I tried this with Numero Uno child
when he was 12--
we were at each other's throats
for a couple of days
and I hated it,
so one morning I'd had enough
and kept him home from school.
I made him help me clean--
but this is the difference:
I cleaned alongside him
in the bathroom,
hanging up laundry,
cleaning up his room.
Any errands I had that day,
he came with me too.
By sunset,
we were laughing together.

I learned that when 
you most want to pull away
is the perfect time
to pull in.

So I've got a few more years of this
whatwith Daisie being 14
and the youngest two yet to come.
By that time,
I may not even remember my name,
but I do hope I haven't forgotten
how to laugh.

Family...isn't it about time?