On Monday, the Mormon Mommy Blogs featured a post I wrote, "Miscarriage".
I wrote that entire post in about 15 minutes and it came so easily because of a phone call I received earlier in the day from a sister-blogger, RS-- whose own daughter had just experienced a miscarriage. We talked about our own experiences briefly and after I hung up the phone, I continued to think about our conversation.
So I wrote it all down. Then the thought came to me to just submit it to MMB--maybe it was relevant to others?
I have been a bit surprised by the response to that post. It is relevant to many women--either to themselves or to the women in their circles.
It also speaks to women with infertility issues and their families.
In sharing my own experience, I have gained a deeper appreciation for the depth of this topic. This reality to so many women. So I express my heartfelt gratitude to everyone for sharing their tenderest thoughts and feelings so openly. We need the conversation to continue, so that no woman is left alone in her grief.
How can this be done? I don't know, maybe we can think of something collectively and come up with an idea or two. In any case, keep the conversation Open. We need each other...just as we share recipes, and sewing tips, and couponing...sharing our burdens is needful too.
Thanks so much.
Amen! Thanks for opening the lines of communication.
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Great post, Momza! And I can't imagine a woman who hasn't been touched by miscarriage. My own mother miscarried as many times as she carried a child to term, and I still remember a couple of them because she tended to have them in her fourth month when we already knew she was expecting. It was pretty heartbreaking.
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I miscarried my first pregnancy and the thing that really struck me about it was that for months afterward, so many women in my life told me about their own miscarriages- and I had never known because miscarriage is a taboo topic. Until it happens to you.
ReplyDeleteSo I talk about it as openly as I can- not in a big, sad, sharing way. But as a subject of fact in passing. Talking about it brings normalcy to it. It's sad, it's hard, but it's shockingly normal.
Funny when I had my miscarriages, how many other women I knew said they had too, but had never mentioned it before that, but it opened up a door of sharing and seemed to not only help me but help them as well. Miscarriages are hard but it seems like once they're "over" everyone expects you to be over it too. Talking about those babies lost is healing.
ReplyDeleteI suffered a miscarriage in between my first and second child. It was a very tramatic experience and sometimes I am still amazed at it's impact on our lives now. I don't share the story in detail much, but if a friend I know has a miscarriage I just say that I know how hard it is and support her the best I can.
ReplyDeleteI had three miscarriages--the last one was the hardest since I knew I would not be having any more children. Also we moved into our house a month after I would have given birth so each year when we mark the anniversary of our house, it is a reminder to me of how old the child would be had we not lost it. That is always a sad thing for me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for opening up the dialog. It seems there are many who have shared the grief.
Just wanted to say thank you for your post. We found out on Monday that the child I was carrying had passed. I had a miscarriage later that night and stumbled across this post in the early hours of that morning. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways, your blog truly touched me. Since Monday, several friends have told me thier stories. I never knew so many women experience this heartbreak. I have 2 healthy children and feel truly blessed to have them here and healthy. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your sympathy today.
ReplyDeleteI talked to my brother who is a Dr. He thought w/ a CRL of less than 12 wks if I'm supposed to be 14, that the baby probably stopped growing at least a week ago (maybe 2) already, but that there was little risk in waiting another week to see if I start bleeding. He thought checking my hcg levels to see if they are decreasing would help me know if my body is computing that the baby has died & might indicate that it will release the baby soon. So, that's our plan of action.
My kids seem to be coping ok. My 1st grader really seemed to get it & expressed some things that let me know he'd remembered the last miscarriage.
I told my 3 yr old in the car that mommy & daddy would be sad for a little while because the baby wasn't growing & we wouldn't get to have it this year. But then during dinner prayer, she was prompting my husband to pray for "baby Abi-girl" to come. So, I guess we need to work on our explanation to her.
No physical discomfort yet, aside from a headache, so I'm "waiting" though I'm not sure how "expectantly". Funny that it's called "expectant waiting" when I don't really know what to expect. Even having gone through this before, I'm guessing it will be different because I'm farther along & the baby is big enough to see this time.
What a blessing, though, to be given time to process what is happening before I lose the baby.
Sorry for such a long comment, but thank you for the outlet & for your understanding.
I just found you this morning after you commented on my blog post about waterbirth. :)
ReplyDeleteI have miscarried 3 times for each of my full-term babies, so it's a topic I've blogged about quite a bit. It's a topic that is taboo in 'polite' conversation most of the time, but it's one that needs to come out because the women going through it need the support. So I'm determined to keep breaking that taboo in the hopes that it will help. I wrote a post about what to say/do when someone you know is miscarrying, and that post gets more hits (usually from google searches) than anything else on my page. Someone hits it at least weekly, and often more. There need to be more of us talking about this.
If you're so inclined, here are my posts on the topic: http://brightonwoman.blogspot.com/2009/01/concerning-miscarriages-and-angel.html
I can't even imagine. Thinking of you! I'll be checking back often!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it interesting that the most important things we write, are the ones that took the least amount of thought?
ReplyDelete♥ you!
I really enjoyed that post. I just read Baby Catcher, so I came to check you out when I read that you were a midwife. What an awesome profession, and thanks for your wonderful writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post on MMB. I really appreciated it. I submitted a post to them about what to say to women who have had miscarriages, based on my own experiences. Thanks again.
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