Twilight Years and My Dad

I've been on the phone for days now,
trying to get my elderly father into
"the system"
for his own good.

My brother who lives closest to Dad
is helping on the physical side of things
as much as he can.

I arranged weeks ago
for my Dad to receive food
from
Meals on Wheels
because I'd heard he wasn't eating right,
and Dad calls me every Monday to let me know
he's received it.
So that was good,
but we're a long ways from being where we
want to be.

This is what I know
from talking to a Senior Solutions specialist,
Jennifer--
my dad's hot water heater is out
he turned off his own water because
the hot water heater was leaking
so much
that the flooring in his trailer is rotted out.
My dad is dehydrated,
and has dementia.
My brother tried to take Dad
to a doctor's appointment,
that I set up,
but once he got there,
it was discovered that Dad declined
full coverage on Medicare/aid.

The nurses at the Doctor's office
suggested my brother take my Dad
to an ER
because of his state of being.

I have been on the phone most of the morning--
since 5:30AM my time,
7:30AM SC time
trying to piece all of this together
so I can direct my brother
to the proper authorities.

He's been calling me between stops
and we're sharing and comparing
whatever information we have...
I keep thinking there's got to be
an easier way to do this!
So many businesses have their fingers
in the care of elderly
but you have to know who to talk to first
to get the ball rolling.

Last stop was the Dept of Social Security--
Jennifer says Dad should qualify for
emergency placement
thru
Adult Protective Services
because of his living conditions
and poor health.
That was a half an hour ago.
I'm praying that it's the last stop
at the right place
so my Dad can get the care he needs
today.
Today.
Because the thought of him living like this
is awful.
If you knew my Dad at all,
you'd know this is not who he is.
He was the most vain man
I've ever met--
his clothes were always pressed,
his hair in place--
he was a legend in his own mind,
a "lady's man".

Jennifer said Dad even tried to
"hit on" her yesterday
when she visited with him.
We both laughed at that--
so typical of him.
He's nearly 70 years old
and he's still coming on to women.
Hearing that, actually made me feel better--
he's still got that in him
so he's not totally lost inside his world.

What does society do with the Elderly
in our communities?
Not the ones living on fat pensions
who drive their RV's all over the world
and spend their kids' inheritance--
but the ones like my dad
who have nothing left because his dementia
went un-noticed or un-diagnosed for so long
too long
until whatever he did have
is gone.
What happens to these people?

I am ready to go to SC
at a moments' notice--
but I want to go when I can
help my dad move
and get settled into a new place--
there seems to be a whole lot of steps before that
can happen.
I'm grateful that my brother is there
right now,
forging the path to that end.
He says I won't recognize my father.
He's a shell of what he used to be.

I am nervous about seeing Dad...
his ego was as big as the steaks he ordered...
so big and full of himself
when I was a child.
Whenever I talk to him on the phone
he is like a child.

I thought this would've been easier
that I would've been there and back by now--
I hope so much that we're on the right path
today.
My Dad deserves that much,
even tho he tells me and Jennifer and the other social worker, Shannon
that he's going to hell because he was a horrible husband and father.
I told him that he's not going to hell,
and he doesn't need to think that way.

It's odd to hear him speak ill about his own self.
He never did before.
He was always right.
Always.
Shannon said it's common to hear elderly people
speak about themselves in a critical light--
it's a time of reckoning for some
in the twilight of their years.

LATER:

IN a twist of events I didn't see coming,
my father declined every offer of help
today.
He refused every attempt for
insurance
medical care
residential relocation
all of it.

And now I have to go the route
of having him declared incompetent
for his own safety.
I tried to talk to him,
coax him into letting those there
help him--
even offerring to fly down there
immediately
and he refused.

Now What?