It's Hard to Smile with Clenched Teeth

Mother's Day weekend was awesome.
AWESOME!
We took a little road trip to visit Dean
in northern Colorado.

I wish so much I'd had my camera in my hand
when his caregiver led us to him--
he was out in the pasture petting their horse
all by himself.
When he turned and saw us,
his face, indeed his whole countenance was so calm and happy.
I haven't seen him look that way in a very long time.
He hurried over to us all smiles and gave us all big hugs.
Then, very purposefully, he said,
"I'm staying here."
I understood exactly what he meant.
"Yes, you are."

He took all the kids on a tour of the grounds--
introducing them to "Lucky" the horse,
the pigs, the chickens,
the dog,
and back around a couple more times.

We just all hung out with his caregiving family,
and it felt so relaxed and genuine.
We asked if they'd be our caregivers too.

We took Dean into Fort Collins to his fav restaurant--
Red Robinnnnnn....YUMMMMMMMM.
And over to a park to hang out for a little bit.
Fort Collins has a lovely Spring--
they're lower in elevation than Colorado Springs,
so all of their trees are blooming and the grass is already green
everywhere you look.
Mr W and I talked about moving back up there someday
once the yahoos are out of school.
We prefer the school system here which is the major reason
we moved back down here
when we left Idaho.
Anyway, our Saturday afternoon with Dean was perfect.
I love that boy.

Clenched teeth.
Well, before we left to see Dean Saturday morning,
we went to check out a house in our area.
It's a house I've had my eye on since last Fall,
but it was outta our price range.
Then, there was a contract on it,
so I just forgot about it.
mostly.
Well, on Friday night, it popped back up on the MLS
and I emailed my realtor to get the details.
Not only was it back on the market,
but
it's priced 30k less than before!
She set up a showing for us Saturday morning.
We took the yahoos with us b/c we're on our way outta town
anyway, and they went nuts.
Loved the house.
It is pretty darn cute.
We talked about it,
then last night, Mr W and I prayed about it,
and have gone forward and put an offer on it.
That's why my stomach is trembly,
I can't sleep (it's a little before 4am)
and my teeth are clenched.

I hate buying a home.
It has got to be one of the most miserable experiences in life.
I'd rather have a root canal.
I'd rather have three root canals.

I'm self-talking/coaching all day long inside my head:
"it'll be okay."
"if it's meant to be, it'll work out."
"be patient in the process."
and on and on.
I get sick of listening to my self so much,
that I talk back--
"What if it's not okay?"
"Are you doing everything you can?"
"I feel sick to my stomach."
"The MONEY!"

Ugh. I'm pathetic.

I'm focused on other things--
in fact,
you could say I have many irons in the fire...
the yahoos are at the end of the school year--
which means concerts,
dance performances,
recitals,
plays,
ceremonies,
finals, etc.
We're talking about summer plans
with the house;
with family;
Dani and Mr. Idaho's summer internship in Houston
and their baby boy that'll be born there;
and
I'm pitching my home staging business to
an entire Keller Williams real estate team
this morning,
in exactly 5 and a half hours.
Power-point presentation even.
Daisie helped me make it, of course.
She likes it when she knows how to do something that I don't.
Whipper-snappers these days.
I need to go back to sleep,
but I can't for all the noise in between my ears!

I hope the presentation goes well.
Mainly, I hope I can smile with clenched teeth
and don't pass out or puke in a room full of strangers.
Cuz, ya know, noone wants to see that.

Cross your fingers and toes for me, please.