Building a Stronger Child V-- Peers and their Influence

Peers and their Influence:
From the 5th grade to 12th you don’t have your kid—everyone else does, especially his or her FRIENDS!!
Again, back to expectations. Many 15 yr olds expect a car on their 16th birthday—that is a peer-induced pressure. Kids need to learn to earn. The Entitlement Trap is in full bloom at this time. (From Momza: We "judge" our kids' friends based on how those friends affect our relationship with our child. If it's negative, then we don't support that friendship. period. Some children lack the maturity needed when they have a friend that asks them to compromise their family rules/expectations--so we step in.)


What’s a reasonable way for parents to teach their children how to learn to earn?
Parents can teach their children to learn to earn without excessively rewarding them. If a parent’s weekly allowance for chores (and WE actually had chores to do, not just keeping our rooms clean…) was
$1.00 a week, then don’t pay your child $10 a week for helping in the yard, helping with the housework, learning to do laundry, etc. A relatively small amount, or ‘banking’ that earning for something really important to the child (or to the family) will teach them a better lesson than racking up a huge bank account, or shopping away 2 or 3 weeks’ worth of chore money. For bigger items like the first car, setting that goal of what the child will or can do above and beyond the weekly expected chores is another great way for the adolescent to learn to earn. The bigger stuff is a perfect time to allow that child to stretch into responsibility---but don’t fire up that helicopter!
Just think about it…learn to earn: it’s a pretty simple concept that can be applied to most any family dynamic.


What should be the goal of every parent?
Every parent want their kid to be happy, and the expectations that parents have for their kids, and how the child generalizes those expectations (learns to work with those expectations to fit themselves) is the key to raising confident, successful children. For me the basic premise is always providing a consistent, positive message to the child, even when times are tough---and for those of you with teenagers or grown children know EXACTLY what I mean.
Can you suggest a book/resource/program that you’ve found helpful to parents? We read this book a while ago, and I remember that it was mentioned by some of my cadre of school psychologists when I was taking my master’s: Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down: How To Raise Confident, Successful Children, by Dr. Kevin Leman
Another book that made both me and my wife laugh was titled something like “Mom! Get out of My Life!But will you first take me and Cheryl to the mall?” If you can’t find something to laugh about in the journey of raising your kid, then your kid will always see you crying. My take on that is NEVER let them see you sweat!


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I just want to thank my BIL, Zane for taking time from his busy life to share his experience and wisdom with me and all of You.  I'm always interested in learning more about raising children into happy, loving, responsible adults and this series adds to my understanding.