BRAIN BINGO BIOPSY!!

Quick reflections while they're still tumbling 'round the ole brain rolodex...
think of it as
BRAIN BINGO.

Tumble
Tumble
This morning, Mr Wonderful decided to go into work late--
for two reasons, really
ONE- He's a little cheesed at his boss this week
n'
TWO--Boofus asked him to go to McBarfo's for breakfast.
Once the decision had been made that, yes, instead of leaving for work at 5:15am
Mr W would leave at 7:45am,
Boofus asked the Caboose if she wanted to join them for breakfast,
to which she replied,
"What time are you going?"
"6:30."
"Hmmm. I won't be up by then, just bring me something back."

{Insert hysterical laughter} That right there, proves she is, in fact my child,
and was not found under a rock, as her siblings like to attest.


TUMBLE
TUMBLE

Diana has been on a NO-CARB diet for a week
as part of a two-week challenge with one of her BFFs, Kait.
This convo happened at the table last night.
Daisie: "SO, with all of the OCD'ing--counting calories and carbs n' stuff
have you gotten any better at Math?"

(har har score one for little sister)

TUMBLE
TUMBLE
Before McBarfo's this morning,
Boofus came to give me a hug "good morning",
I said, "C'mere n' let me smell you..did you wash your hair?"
He leans in for another hug, and smells good and not like the pre-teen boy
he is.
"You smell nice, Joseph. Mmmm. Is that Axe?"
He replied in his best Barry White voice, "Unhunh. It's for the ladies."

(heaven help me. I am not ready for this.)

TUMBLE
TUMBLE

Remember when I told you I work for an incredibly talented Designer
who is also the worst boss I've ever had?
Yeah, I gave my notice the same day the manager gave her notice,
and within days after that,
another employee gave hers.
She has one employee left,
who is now the manager and could care less what the Designer Boss says,
which will probably end badly;
and she's wondering why noone wants to work for her.
Boggles the mind.
Karma is a reality.
You treat people badly,
it will come around and kick you in the bahooey.

TUMBLE
TUMBLE

Every morning, I call Dani to see how she and her babies are doing.
The whole time we are talking,
her two year old is tearing the living daylights outta
their tiny little student apartment
to bits.
"Garrett just emptied the book shelf in his room."
"Now he's dumped the diaper bag all over the place."
"GET DOWN!"
"He just climbed up on the counter and put an apple into the microwave!"
"No! You cannot throw couch pillow/football/stuffed bears to Isaac. He can't catch them yet!"
"Hold on Mom. Aw, forget it, I'll have to call you back. Garrett has to go to time-out."
"I hate kids. Why do people have children? Sheesh."
"How did you do it, Mom?"
That's my favorite.  In fact, there must be some small part of my ego
that is soothed every time I call her, because at some point in the conversation,
she will probably utter those words.  And I just get this amazing sense of "BooYeah!" all over.

The truth is, I didn't have a kid like Garrett. He is adorable, smart, and the biggest mess-makin' fool
I've ever seen for a two year old.  Duct tape and DimeTapp would be my ammo every day for about 3 more years.

TUMBLE
TUMBLE

I'm so stinkin' happy that February is half-over--
what with January being the "Month that Never Ends",
it's great to see February flying by
and leaves me anxious for Spring--
which will get here in May. If we're lucky.
My jasmine plants are taunting me with tiny little buds.
Since this is the first year in this house, with these plants,
I'm almost skeptical that they'll make it thru the harsh temps
that I know are still coming now thru May, ya know?
Also, my favorite holiday is coming up in March--
remember "I HATE MOM DAY"?

It's comin' up on March 4th--
I asked the yahoos what we were going to do to celebrate it
and they had the nerve to suggest that
THEY GET THE DAY OFF FROM ALL CHORES
and that I BUY A CAKE FOR THEM!
BAhahahaHA!
I'm not sure what I'm going to do,
so I'm taking suggestions...
feel free to share your ideas.

TUMBLE
TUMBLE

I've been reading a Church manual about Family Relationships...
in case I've been doing this mothering gig all wrong
or just to get a tune-up,
which is highly likely since I'm getting so stinkin' old anymore.
Anywho, reading this talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland
entitled "Because She Is A Mother"
made me feel awesome and loved and acceptable...
take a moment to read it and see if you don't feel the same way.
Seriously, it's better than any blog you may read today.

TUMBLE
TUMBLE

Because life just ain't the kind of fair they sell tickets to,
my body is holding it's own sort of Revolutionary War against me.
I've never smoked, nor drank a drop of liquor--
well, that ain't exactly true...
I did lick the cap of my mom's Boone's Strawberry Wine once
in the 8th grade.(fyi, It did NOT taste like strawberries!)
But I've been clean ever since, I swear!
So, for whatever reason, my body is giving me fits
and I get to go in for an internal biopsy.
Bi.Op.Sy.
That is such a cute word for a plum awful procedure, yeah?
"Hey! I'm having a BIOPSY! Everyone's invited! Bring your favorite dessert!"
It's just too happy a soundin' word for what the real deal is...
anywho, that's staring up at me from my plate of Life.
I already freaked out, then decided MEH.
I've got too many other things to think about than what's going on with my guts.
Or my "innards" as my dad used to say.

TUMBLE
TUMBLE

I am actually hosting a party next Tuesday.
It's called a "My Favorite Things" party--
have you been to one?
I'm way excited, I think the idea is awesome.
What motivated me to have it?
Well, January's "blech-ness" combined with my cruddy health
and hearing too many women I know say they're also being gyp'ed (or is it jipped?)
on their plates of Life and needed more friends
got my Self to thinking,
"Self, let's do something to cheer us up and break up a blech-y winter."
So I am.
And what's funny is that some of the sisters that I purposefully created this party for,
have declined to come.
I am not kidding.
Next time they start to whine,
I will give them the look I give my yahoos--
"You're kidding right?  I am SO not the right audience for your act."
As my friend Nan says,
"Nothing changes if Nothing Changes."
But I am going to have a blast with the gals that are coming,
and am fully anticipating bursting into song--
"when the dog bites!
When the bee stings!
when I'm feeling saddddd
I simply remember my
favo-or-ite things and then I don't feeeeeeeel
soooooo baddddd"  come Tuesday.

And it's now 11:32pm.
I went to bed at 8pm because I was plum wore out,
but Mr W wanted to watch a movie (Harry Potter #29)
and I instantly fell asleep before he even got out of the Goblins Bank Vault
and woke up just in time to see Professor Snapes' tears in the Sink of Revelation.
Once we saw Haddy Pottah usher his son onto the Hogwarts train at Platform 9 and three quarters
Mr W started snoring before the credits were done
and there I was,
left with the fan blowing on me,
right sock already lost at the end of the bed
and wide awake with nowhere to go
but here.

If you've read to the end of this Post,
then I will tell you that I've been asked by Deseret Book
to host a wonderful Musical Trio, "Mercy River"
on my blog the first week of March.
In fact, it is the day after "I HATE MOM" day--
March 5th.
There will be music, party favors and maybe even a biopsy!
Woo Hoo!

Have a great weekend.