All Ye That Labor

Years ago,
my then-in-high-school daughter
was having a hard time sleeping at night.
Each morning,
she'd drag into the kitchen,
"I didn't sleep at all."
This went on for months.
I didn't get it.
I was dead-tired by the end of the day.
My favorite piece of furniture that I own
is my bed!

Life changes, like it does
and I too have had many a sleepless night
since then
for a myriad of reasons...

One period of time was when Mr. W was out of work
in 2007-2008.
That was a long year.
I found that I started dreading bedtime
because I just couldn't turn off my stress-filled brain.
I tossed and turned all night long;
even chiding my self for not being able to
let my brain and my body rest
when I knew I needed it so.

Something had to give.

And it did.
I got a blessing and was admonished to
trust in God's love for me.

Another sleepless night came,
and in my mind's eye
an image came forward:
I laid all of my cares and concerns,
my weaknesses and my hurts,
all of it
upon a silver tray
and handed it upward
to a waiting Savior
to take care of while I slept.

I felt peace.

I knew I could trust in His care
to give me a reprieve at the end of the day
and allow myself to rest.
His great Atonement covered my cares.
I knew that He knew I was a responsible person
and I would pick up my cares again in the morning.
but if He could just hold onto them for me through the night,
I could rest in Him.

That was a few years ago--
and a habit developed then that has served me well.

Lately,
I have felt unsettled and overly concerned about things.
Yesterday especially,
I was at full tilt.
Something had to give.
I was supposed to meet Mr. W at the temple
last night after he got off work.
Mid-afternoon though,
I just wasn't feeling it.
I wanted to reschedule going
for another day--
maybe Saturday?
But I couldn't bring myself to cancel on him.

As I drove up to Denver alone,
I was still in a knot.
I get like that sometimes.
Wound so tightly I practically "ping" off walls.
The ribbons of gray highway thru foothills
can be hypnotic
and my thoughts and concerns were soon
peeling away
layer by layer
being laid out on the sides of the road
behind me.

I got to Denver with alot of time to spare
so I went over to Deseret Book Store
just to walk around and soak up the beautiful music
while I waited for Mr W to arrive.
There's something about that little store--
full of inspirational artwork,
music,
book titles alone that, just reading them,
makes me feel better.
I wandered thru the aisles for just a few minutes
before I had to leave to get over to the temple parking lot
to meet my Love.

As I pulled up and parked,
I noticed his car was empty--
that meant he'd gone into the visitors center
to change from his work clothes to his suit,
which he would only wear for a few minutes
while he walked into the temple and then change again.

Having a few more minutes alone,
I closed my eyes and offered a prayer
that I would feel my Savior's love for me
and the fears and concerns that had set hold upon my heart
would be lifted
and I would be able to see things clearly.

I didn't know how clenched I really was
until after I entered the holy temple
and upon showing my temple recommend,
the temple worker said,
"Welcome. We're so glad that you're here."
Which to my soul felt like,
"Welcome Home."
My body reacted immediately with a big, long exhaled sigh.

I could rest.

Every minute in the temple,
it was as though another layer peeled away
and complete peace washed over me
like waves at the shore,
taking the negative discards out to sea.

The rest was welcomed and savored,
I would not rush this along,
"Just Be Still." came the thought.
So I was.

Coming into the temple, I was as a refugee from chaos,
demands upon my energy, resources and spirit,
unrelenting.
I had nowhere else to go for the kind of nourishment so needed.
Like a child coming home,
I found His love waiting for me there.

The time came for me to leave,
and I braced my self for impact
outside the temple doors...
they opened and being fully aware
of my former layers,
I anticipated the familiar weight to
drop back on my shoulders.

It didn't come.

It didn't come on the ride home.
It didn't come when I pulled into the drive of our home.
It didn't come when I saw dinner dishes on the counter,
or shoes scattered on the floor.
It didn't come when I climbed into bed
and was alone with my thoughts.
It wasn't there when the sun peeked in my window this morning,
or when the Bee woke up complaining about unfinished homework,
or the Boofus presented a scratchy throat and a headache.
It didn't come when Daisie came bounding upstairs,
running late for school.

The weights that bore me down
are lifted and remain so,
even in the light of day
and I am grateful.