I'm A Southern Woman at Heart

Last week while I was visiting my daughter Danielle in Houston,
I was happily reminded of my Southern roots.
I saw crepe myrtles in bloom still,
as well as the luscious tree of the South,
the Magnolia--without it's blossoms it is still grand.
And don't get me started on the spanish moss hangin' from the oaks--
and the monkey grass and geraniums lining the curbs,
and I did spy with my little eye,
a lovely gardenia bush up near someone's front porch--
only common sense kept me from sneaking up there
just to sneak a good smell of it!

I was born in Miami and lived up and down the east coast of Florida
and then in my teens my folks moved to the Carolinas.
Yes, both of them.
My sophomore year was spent in Rock Hill, SC
and my Junior year we moved to Charlotte, NC.
My senior year took us to Denver--
the reason was not a job
but that the Broncos won the Super Bowl that year
and my father's gypsy blood took over his mind
and one day I came home from school
to find out that we were heading West,
pulling a Uhaul behind us.
Why take a vacation
when you can just move there?

Now, I've shared that the folks didn't care much for the West.
My mother especially detested the manners or lack thereof,
of those "d@mned Denverites!"
There aren't the same social graces in the West
that grace the South;
whereas I was raised to say,
"YESSIRNOSIRTHANKYOUSIRPLEASE."
to every adult I knew or just met--
teachers, neighbors, or family--
it just isn't done in the West.
It's not expected and worse,
it is looked upon with contempt.

The folks packed it in and headed back south
to Texas after two years.
And while I have chosen to live in the West,
in fact, I've lived here twice as long as I lived in the South,
the manners I was taught as a child
are still with me.

I remember my "Ma'ams" and "Sirs",
my "Thank yous" and "Pleases".

Last week, I got to practice them more often,
and enjoyed hearing them used by nearly everyone
I met in Houston.
Another thing about Southern women--
they don't leave the house without 5 things:
*their "pocketbook" (I use that term and get weird looks from my yahoos),
*their make-up (aka "my face on") and their hair done
*their jewelry...earrings, rings, necklace(s), and bracelets.
*perfume.  Because a woman perspires but doesn't sweat in the heat of the day.
*and lastly, their good manners.  Noone is properly dressed without them, they'll tell you.
And a truly gracious southern woman says "Yes Ma'am" to every female, young and old alike, to show you just how gracious she truly is.

I was completely under-dressed everywhere we went
because I only brought a single pair of earrings, which I wore everyday.
And I had a "bad hair day" every day because I didn't bring any Aqua-net!

Now, as a god-fearing Southern woman,
I have raised my children to use southern manners
since they were born:
"YESSIRNOSIRTHANKYOUSIRPLEASE"
has been oft-repeated in our house.
But I happened to marry two Western-raised men (not at the same time. Had to let the 1st go.)
who don't see the relevance of such formalities
and therefore, didn't expect it from the kids like I did.

My eyebrows raise at the kids response of a single
"Yeah." or "Yes." ("Yeah is what you say to your friends, not your Mom.")
My response to that is, "Yes, what?"
"Yes, Ma'am." is the correct answer.
I've said more than once,
"Good manners will get you into places that a good education cannot."
And I meant it.
People don't care how much you know,
until they know how much you care
and that begins with how you talk to them,
or regard them with your speech.

Now, when my oldest 3 children were young and just beginning school careers,
we lived in Spartanburg, SC
and there they were taught Southern graces
by their teachers.
We lived there for almost 4 years,
and when their dad was finished with his schooling,
we moved back to Phoenix.
Well it didn't take long before a teacher called the house
to complain that David Scott was "a smart aleck"--
I was shocked to say the least!
Upon asking her what he'd done,
she responded that he'd called her "Ma'am!"
I told her that we'd just moved from the South
where that is exactly how he'd been taught to address his teachers--
and this snotty young teacher was insulted and said she was "Not a Ma'am!"
I let her know right then and there,
that she would have to get over it
because it's a conscious teaching in our family.
So there.

Mr W. used to make fun of my conscious teachings
to these yahoos--
whenever I'd try to get the child at hand
to use manners,
I might say,
"You need to say, 'yes sir' when answering your Dad."
Mr W would follow with a,
"Yes Sir MasterBlaster will work."
Yes Sir MasterBlaster?!

He has since come around,
and while he doesn't expect southern graces from the yahoos,
he respects that I do and the reasons why I do.

Our society has gotten so casual, too casual in how we relate to one another,
in my opinion.
There are very few social graces even taught these days--
most people disregard them as outdated and unnecessary "extras"
in human relationships--
we ignore one another with a small palm-sized gadget
up to our ears,
we barely acknowledge people as we pass them,
and the lack of respect is palpable in our schools too,
going both ways between the student and the teacher.

Let me tell you what,
I still believe that good manners can get you into places that good education cannot.
I've seen it.
The gentleness of the South is worth adopting.
Showing respect for others,
having a reverence for sacred things,
giving due courtesy
is a blessing for both the giver and the receiver.
Now, if ya'll will excuse me,
I need to go put on my face
and dab a little perfume on
for the day.


Today's post was inspired by
Glamazon Mom's: Fried Chicken (a western mom living in Arkansas)