Acting in Faith

*First off, I noticed that a few old blogs popped up as new blogs.  I have no idea how that happened, but I've pushed them back again.

What I am really excited about--even though I am still acting on faith 100%--is packing for a move.
Midnight came n' went the other night, as I pulled out a binder and began my "To Do" lists. 
I live by lists.  It helps me to relax knowing that I've done a brain dump of everything on paper.
So far, I have three pages of stuff that needs to get done before putting the house on the market.
It starts with purging belongings that we no longer need in this season of our lives and then onto the Repairs, Replacements and Rearrange the house for staging.
Luckily, my family knows how to stage a house from working with me for over a decade. They know what it needs to look like before we put that FOR SALE sign in the yard.
It takes a lot of work in the beginning but give me two weeks of hard work and the rest is cake.

After the big purge, comes the repairs and replacements such as a new sink in the kitchen and new light fixtures on the exterior of the house, addressing the flooring and painting of each room, deep cleaning everything to shine like a new penny!
Then, the house is ready to stage for photos and showings.  Which is honestly, the easy part.  Homes are selling like hotcakes here in the Springs, so I want to get this process over ASAP!

Acting in faith that this is the path we're taking--moving to Oregon--is full of mixed emotions...we have only told our immediate family and closest of friends.  Putting it out here is my own benefit of documenting the process.  Noone I know even reads this little blog anymore so I am certain that when we announce that we're moving, it might come as a surprise.

I've been looking at homes in Eugene--there's not very many of them in our price range.  And most are super old and bleh, really.  But holy smokes do those people love love love brightly colored rooms! Red, teal, Oregon Ducks colors: yellow and green, pink, orange--they really love to color their world.  I'm wondering if its' due to the gray, rainy weather?  I'm not looking forward to that.
We get over 300+ days of sunshine a year here--which helps to endure the snowy winters. 
Someone suggested "happy lights"--so we'll have to look into that.

Kent leaves this Wednesday to check out the new job.  Holy smokes.

Staring Into the Sun

Super Bowl Sunday,
on the way to Church:
Momza: "So who are we cheering for today--anyone?"
Joseph: "PATRIOTS!"
Dad: "Yeah, gonna go with the Pats."
Momza: "Me too. Definitely the Patriots.  Bee?"
Arianna: "I don't really like football."
Dad: "Get out."
Joseph: "Tuck and roll, Ari. Tuck and roll."
****
Set-Up:
Joseph has been getting alot of attention from girls at school this year--he thinks it's because he's been using the AXE body soap/deodorant/spray/gel line of products. I have been talking to him alot about girls and all that goes with that--for another post--but yesterday he asked me to buy a 4 pack of AXE body spray from Costco, so this conversation took place at dinner:

Momza: "So why do you like 'AXE' body spray?"
Joseph: " I dunno."
Momza: " Is it to get girls' attention?"
Joseph: "No."
Momza: "Well you know how to get girls' attention right? What's the most attractive thing in a nice young man?"
 (totally fishing for him to say something about a good character, or a kind word, a smile, friendship--something positive)
Joseph, chuckling: "Yeah. Dad told me. My butt."
Momza, to Dad: "Really? THAT'S what you're teaching him?!"
Dad's eyes water and he can't open his mouth for fear his dinner will spew out, with laughter.
Momza, shaking head: "Nice."
****

Joseph: "Mom, can I ask you a question?"
 "Sure. I say. "What's up?"
Joseph, sheepishly: "Well, there's these girls on the bus and they're touching my hair n' stuff...and a girl in school is always staring at me. What's that about?"
Hmmm. I look at him and think.
"Their flirting with you.  That's what girls do when they think a boy is cute."
Joseph, shyly smiling: "Oh. It's weird."

I look up from my chair
into his eyes and know this is an important teaching moment.

"Joseph, girls mature quicker than boys. That means that their bodies and minds are thinking about the future.  They notice boys in a different way. And honestly, it kinda makes 'em a little crazy. For the next few years, they're gonna be giggly, loud, travel in packs like wolves, and smile at you alot.
And you'll probably get attention from a few of them because you're a good lookin' young man, but there's also something else about you that will draw girls in--it's your goodness.  And that's the most attractive thing in a young man.  You shine from the inside out and girls won't know what it is about you that they like, but really, it's because you hold the Priesthood. That's a big deal, Joseph.  And you have to protect the Priesthood by keeping yourself clean and honoring it.  So (big breath), girls may ask you to do things with their bodies or ask if they can do things with yours and you're going to have to tell them 'No' to protect yourself so that the Holy Ghost is always with you and you'll always have that glow inside that, someday, will attract the right girl for you to take to the Temple. That's the goal--to go to the Temple with the most beautiful girl in the world."
I stand up and put my hands on either side of his soft cheeks, and look deeply into his beautiful brown eyes,
"I love you. If anyone, I don't care who they are, wants to touch your body in ways that makes you feel uncomfortable or in a way that you know isn't right, you have the right to say 'No', Okay?"  Then I kiss those baby cheeks and hold him in my arms.
He looks side to side, smiles at the wonder of the changes a'comin his way in life and nods his head, "Yeah."

From The Bed

It's after 9 am here this morning,
and I'm still in my mis-matched pj's in bed.

I'm not sick.
I don't have a flu or a cold
a broken-anything
for what I would call a "good excuse"...
but here I am.

Remember when I had that surgery last April,
the "uterine ablation"
where my insides were toasted like a bagel
and supposed to be the end of all future
baby-makin' productions?
Yeah.
My motherly body isn't havin' any of that.
It's revolting that idea in a very big way.
So, I'm on bedrest.
I called my doctor's office yesterday
to make an appointment,
but the triage nurse surprised me
by saying,
"Oh, dear, you're hemorrhaging. You need to go to the ER."

It's not that I was not aware of what was happening,
that's why I called the doctor's office.
But seriously,
I didn't feel like my condition warranted a trip to the ER.
I called my husband at work,
told him what was going on,
and he left to come home.
I called a friend to pick up Dara from school,
as I knew if I did go to the hospital,
she'd still need a ride home and to work later.
My awesome friend is also my Relief Society President--
(the women' auxillary in the Church),
and without asking,
she also brought in dinner last night.

Anyway,
I wasn't feeling light-headed,
I drank more water,
took some iron supplements
and was
"timed-out" by my family to my bed
for not choosing to go to the ER.

Why didn't I go, they asked.
I hate the ER.
I hate the waiting.
I hate the $200 co-pay.
I didn't want to hemorrhage in the waiting room.
None of that sounded good to me.
So, I waited it out.
I took care of my own needs and see if my body responded.

Well, the fact that I'm typing proves
I ain't dead.

Patience Rewarded

Faith is its' own reward.
Holding onto faith when the reward is not evident
is the test of faith.
Staying in the boat of "faith"
even  especially when the seas of uncertainty threaten with fear and destruction
is critical to proving one's faith.
Faith in the belief of God's existence, bare-bones, cut-to-the-core kind of faith.
As in,
Is He real?
Does He know me?
Will He protect me?
Can-I-trust-Him-to-take-care-of-the-things-I-cannot-take-care-of?
kind of faith.
The real deal kind of faith.

We've been going through some tough trials this past year, one month and 7 days
as my husband was laid-off work and has been unemployed since then.
I cannot tell the amount of tearful prayers I have offered--
so many more than the actual number of days and nights.
Fasting and praying too.

What have I learned?
Well, everytime I prayed for a job that Kent was interviewing for,
I got more opportunities to work.
Seriously.
Doing things I could already do--like home staging--
but also opportunities to learn new things like
fresh floral weddings and watercolor home portraits and temples
and even illustrating a book!
Truly, it has been the weirdest thing and in perspective, I see God's purpose in the way my prayers were answered.

In keeping me busy, I could more easily endure the trial.

I had reasons to keep going when I wasn't sure I could--

creativity kept depression at bay and pulled these small hidden talents out of me

like a refiner's fire.

As the trial demanded patience,

I have learned how to endure patiently.

And it's not like I thought it was--

there's a difference between going to Heavenly Father and saying

"Help me to see what you want me to see and thus this trial will be removed."

AND

"Help me to have the strength to endure this trial no matter what it costs. I surrender to your will, Father."

I don't know if I even explained this difference of understanding well enough,

but the truth is, I have learned for myself the essence of patiently waiting on the Lord.

I surrendered to His will, earnestly, without reserve or condition. I simply let my own will slide away into nothing and focused solely on being a better, quieter, more still, daughter of God.

There is peace in that process I have not felt in my life in a long long time.

I have had moments where I needed to declare outloud:

"I will not be moved."

"I will stay in the boat. I am lashed to the boat."

"I am curious enough to see what happens at the end, rather than quit now."

I said those words outloud, and I listened to myself.  I trusted in my faith--

the faith I have nurtured and built over a lifetime--

I leaned into it and trusted that I had made the right decision a long time ago

to follow Christ.

Two years ago,

I shared in a blog about my feelings of moving to the Pacific Northwest.

Last December, we came awfully close as my sweetheart was offered a job in Corvallis, Oregon--

only to have it rescinded in the 11th hour.

It's seven months later and just this week, another job offer is on the table for a different company

in Eugene, Oregon.

It feels right.

It feels scary.

I am torn between screaming off the rooftop that our trial is over

and sobbing that I am leaving my beloved Pikes Peak mountain--

of which I freely admit, I am codependent upon.

What makes this week different is that two nights ago,

our wonderful home teachers came over--one of whom is our Stake Patriarch--

he's been our home teacher since Joseph was in 3rd grade. 

Joseph will be a senior (12th grade) this next month.

To say we love our hometeacher is an understatement.  He's our friend. He's family.

So two nights ago, he and his companion came to visit us

and after their lesson they asked if we needed anything else...being fully aware of our circumstances.

Kent asked for a priesthood blessing before he heads to Oregon this week.

The Spirit was so completely present as they pronounced a blessing upon him--

and left no doubt that we will be moving to Oregon.

Hugs and tears of gratitude flowed between us all

as we felt the great relief and reward of faith, patience and trust in God's plan for us

was extended.

This has been a long, difficult trial--combined with other challenges all through out it as well--

and I can say that on this side of it-- I have learned that patience in the Lord is worth what it costs.

Stay in the boat. Lash yourselves to it. Be patient in the process. Lean into your faith and trust in God's power and plan for your life. Surrender your will and be still. God will show you the way through your trials and your faith will be rewarded.